john francis Wrote:When I took up with a woman, my gay friends (with a few important exceptions) didn't want to know me any more. Is this usual?
Alot of gay men have a problem with bisexuality. I am not sure why that its but I know it exists.
I do have a theory/opinion/random thought that might be useful...or not :biggrin: I think alot of "straight" people are homophobes because they have gay thoughts or desires and perhaps are gay or bisexual themselves and cannot accept it...the same may be true of gay men. I have worried sometimes that I might be sexually attracted to women and it freaks me out so a bisexual could be a threat to me if I wasn't secure within myself.
Yes, it could be that they consider you a traitor... It's a shame that they aren't more interested in your mental health and well-being, which I suppose is what this ladyfriend of yours gives you.
If you watch Ricky Martin's candid interview, which I posted in another thread, he explains that he's gay, now, really gay, but also acknowledges the fact that he was truly and deeply in love with the women he dated before...
I don't think that's incompatible. If Kinsey is correct we are all more or less bisexual, some are a bit more equally balanced on the scale than others.
It is true that calling oneself a bisexual is the first semi-lie that gay men come out with while they are trying to deal with acceptance and self-acceptance (viz Ricky Martin, once more), and then, it's also what life deals you for potential partners... Why shouldn't you be romantically attached (and sexually attracted) to a woman? They are human creatures too...
I don't know how usual or otherwise this, although I have heard of it happening. I was married for many years, but it now feels right to me that I consider myself gay. I see no reason, why other people's paths can't take them to different places.
Don't let the them bother you. They're just working out their own problems. And it IS their problem, not yours. So, don't sweat it. Just be polite to your gay friends and treat them with kid gloves. They hurt also out of fear that they are losing you to someone else. Treat them as if they are still your friends and maybe one day they will come around to see they have nothing to fear. You were their friend all along.
I've heard it happens a lot. I've know gay men that will argue until they are blue in the face that bisexuality is non existant and it is all a lie and those perpetrating the myth just haven't come to terms with their own sexuality.
One of my closest friends is bi and it has never bothered me.
I think many gay men believe that bisexual men are either too cowardly to come out fully, or are at some sort of halfway house to full 'out-dom', as it were. It seems to me that some gay men invest such a lot of their personal identity in their sexuality - as if their being gay alone defines them - that anything other than 100% homosexuality becomes a threat to that identity. In your case, it might seem to those friends who have abandoned you (if such can be called friends at all, to be honest), that you have somehow betrayed something they cherish. A close male bisexual friend of mine often complains that being bisexual is difficult; tell someone you're gay and no matter how they react, for better of for worse, they will accept that you are telling the truth. Tell people you're bisexual, and a lot just won't believe you.
In all seriousness though I consider myself bisexual but its easier to classify myself as gay. Not to long ago I caught flack from a straight friend who was complaining that I was taking pictures of girls on the beach and posting them to my Facebook profile. He said I needed to pick one team or the other and stick with that team. I dont know why some people have problems with accepting the fact that bisexuality does actually exist.
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