anybody else experience this?

[TLGS]

I have never had sex with men, only women. I am in my late 30's. When I am out anywhere, I don't really find guys I am attracted to. However, my fantasies are exact opposite. Since puberty, I have regular homosexual fantasies. I have them pretty much every day. I always get turned on watching gay porn, reading gay erotica, or just fantasizing about men, I have also never, ever had sexual fantasies about women. I enjoy sex with women, but often to orgasm I start fantasizing about men. I enjoy the staright lifetyle, as I don't really know any gay people. I am sure I do, but nobody that is openly gay. I can get turned on looking at a Playgirl Centerfold, but not a Playboy centerfold. All that being said, I don't know why in my everyday life, I don't look at any guys I am around or see anywhere in a sexual way. I always admire good looking women I see around, but I never then matsurbate having sexual fantasies about them. It has always confused me, feeling 100% homosexual when I masturbate, & feeling not gay at all when I am living the rest of my life. Anybody have any insights as to why this is the way I am?

[Story]

Thanks for posting so some of my thoughts here
There is an idea out there related to psychology and social norms. You want to fit in with the group. The group (society around you) isn't gay so you feel compelled to not be openly gay. You realize that you are gay but haven't embraced that as a lifestyle yet.
For many men ive seem who cone out later in their life there has been this sense of "expectancy" that they had to behave the way that everyone expects him to be. so they feign heterosexuality until they finally break and live life according to how they personally feel they should live.
I figure you are somewhere around the same lines, I'd like to write more but I gotta run back to work, I'll post more, I hope this initial parthelps a little

[Marriedbimale]

I love sex with men. I am not attracted to most men though. So emotionally I don't get attached but I love physical contact as a bottom.

[TimmyThink]

I have never had sex with men, only women. I am in my late 30's. When I am out anywhere, I don't really find guys I am attracted to. However, my fantasies are exact opposite. Since puberty, I have regular homosexual fantasies. I have them pretty much every day. I always get turned on watching gay porn, reading gay erotica, or just fantasizing about men, I have also never, ever had sexual fantasies about women. I enjoy sex with women, but often to orgasm I start fantasizing about men. I enjoy the staright lifetyle, as I don't really know any gay people. I am sure I do, but nobody that is openly gay. I can get turned on looking at a Playgirl Centerfold, but not a Playboy centerfold. All that being said, I don't know why in my everyday life, I don't look at any guys I am around or see anywhere in a sexual way. I always admire good looking women I see around, but I never then matsurbate having sexual fantasies about them. It has always confused me, feeling 100% homosexual when I masturbate, & feeling not gay at all when I am living the rest of my life. Anybody have any insights as to why this is the way I am?

OMG dude I totally understand where your coming from, so much of what you wrote is like a mirror of what I experience day to day.

Sorry have no real insight, I wish I did than maybe could I remove than word “curious” from under my picture.

[jbrowder24]

I think part of my delay in realizing who I was (I didn't realize in college) is that I never knew gay guys and it just seemed wrong to think about people I knew in that way. So it seemed to me like I wasn't attracted to guys at the time... but once I went through actors and others I didn't know in real life, I realized I was much more attracted to men. I don't know if this is an issue for you at all or not, and most of my friends are also straight, but I did come to terms with who I am and definitely find men attractive in person now.

[fredv3b]

TLGS, Can I ask a question, as I think the answer may shed light on your question. How do you feel when you see a gay male couple together being 'coupley', just in a romantic way, not sexual just sweet.

[Crs30]

A friend of mine used to be in a situation similar to yours. It sounds to me like you're imposing this lifestyle on yourself for some reason or another, perhaps you may not be fully comfortable with being attracted to men, maybe your church, work, family or friends don't approve of homosexuality, or you might even believe that being gay is wrong.

I say consider what your beliefs are. Do you believe you'll go to hell for being gay? If you do, that could be causing a lot of distress and preventing you from being comfortably gay. There are several churches that accept homosexuality, just google it. Do you family, friends, and work environments have homophobic atmospheres? Consider how important that specific work environment is. Maybe you can find a more accepting atmosphere somewhere else. Look at your friends and see which ones are holding you back from expressing your true self. Have a good conversation with them. If they are intolerant, get new friends. Look at your family. If your family isn't accepting, your options are limited. You can either tell them and risk being disowned, or you can just not tell them and keep hiding from them.

The most important factor here is self-acceptance. You must accept yourself. The next step is to have the personal courage to stand up for yourself against any external and internal obstacles.