Thank you all so much for your support. I've spoken to my friend everyday since telling her, which is more than before I told her. I can't believe how much better I feel now. Having the support of my friends and all of you takes away a lot of the worry, and will hopefully give me the courage to tell my parents this year.
Thank you all again.
Take Care
Jared.
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Hey Jared, you're forty soon and you're not married. Which parent won't have figured it out? That is of course, if you haven't brought home a string of potential girlfriends to 'fake' it...
Ultimately, I know I wanted to have a boyfriend to show for it, but I'm not sure it's essential to the coming out process. Sometimes, it might be better to announce it before any boyfriending happens. However, if you already have a partner, it doesn't mean you have to get rid of him... on the contrary. You can do with his support, no doubt.
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I'm glad to hear it went will with your friend  Family can be trickier and I have my own struggles there, but it is great to have the support of friends, and as great as it is online here with the great members, having people you can talk with in person is important too so I'm glad you now have someone you can do that with
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I was so close to telling my parents yesterday. I go to their house every other Sunday for lunch and I'd psyched myself up to telling them. Then as soon as I arrived they said we'd all been invited to a party at a neighbours house to celebrate their ruby wedding anniversary. We spent the whole afternoon there and I ended up going home without telling them. I probably sound like I'm making up excuses now, but I just couldn't tell them when we were going to spend the afternoon with other people. They're coming to my house this Sunday, so I'm determined to tell them then. I know it's time I did it, and now I have the support of my friends I'm feeling a lot more confident.
Take Care Everyone.
Jared.
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Jared, you did what was right for that moment. You realised that the opportunity was going to be missing and you certainly didn't want to come out in front of the neighbours, however well you may know them. Plus you've considered that your parents might need some time to themselves to adapt to the idea. Of course at 39 you're no longer a spring chicken and they may have an inkling of why you are not married yet.
Good luck with telling them next Sunday when they come to your house. Remember to tell them that they'll need time to adjust just as you have needed 39 years to figure it out and find the courage to tell them. Don't batter yourself for not it doing yesterday, just keep the positive energy for next Sunday. Good luck. I know, it's scary, but it will end up feeling good.
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One thing that helped me come out to my parents was me being completely in control of the situation. I had to create a situation in which I was the one dominating the moment. I was a little paranoid, considering my parents were never homophobic and have been consistently loving and kind people, but I had everything planned to a T. Some of these ideas, I'm sure, are more valid than others, so take what you want. I didn't want to tell my parents together. Somehow telling two people at once felt like public speaking, which I am not comfortable with. Also, I didn't want to have to defend myself against two people tag-teaming me on the off chance that they took the news badly. I wanted to tell my mom first, because I figured she would be the easier of the two. I wanted to make sure that she couldn't run away if the situation got too difficult for her to handle, so I decided a car ride was the best setting. I also had to make sure that if things REALLY went south she couldn't abandon me on the side of the road, so I had to be the one driving. I spent a week planning out and rehearsing exactly how I would spin my story so as to break the news as gently as possible, and when the day came, I executed my performance exactly as planned, and everything went as smoothly as could have been hoped for. Obviously this is just one way to go about it. You probably have a plan all worked out, and if that's the case, change nothing. Your plan is right for you.
Also, don't beat yourself up for failing to tell your parents when other people were around. Intimate, private news deserves an intimate, private setting. Coming out at someone else's anniversary could even be seen as stealing the show. Even if this Sunday comes around and you decide you just can't go through with it, it will have been the right choice, because it's the choice YOU made, and you really can't do something wrong when coming out.
One parting word of advice. Moms like to cry when they hear the news, particularly when you tell them after you've grown up. They feel like they should have known, your childhood must have been hell, etc, and they cry. Be prepared for this. Good luck!
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Musicman, that is a beautiful story, and yes, you're right about the crying bit, probably. I don't know if my mother cried when she read the news, but maybe she did. I hope secretly she was proud of me for finally owning up to it, and also for the news of having found a significant other AT LAST!
I think that was why she was happy for me. Thanks.
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princealbertofb Wrote:Jared, you did what was right for that moment. You realised that the opportunity was going to be missing and you certainly didn't want to come out in front of the neighbours, however well you may know them. Plus you've considered that your parents might need some time to themselves to adapt to the idea. Of course at 39 you're no longer a spring chicken and they may have an inkling of why you are not married yet.
Good luck with telling them next Sunday when they come to your house. Remember to tell them that they'll need time to adjust just as you have needed 39 years to figure it out and find the courage to tell them. Don't batter yourself for not it doing yesterday, just keep the positive energy for next Sunday. Good luck. I know, it's scary, but it will end up feeling good.
Jared, I just wanted to quote PA here and second his opinion that you did the right thing. I am working on the same issue and I really appreciate your posts and admire your courage. So, thank you and good luck next weekend!
musicman2229 Wrote:One thing that helped me come out to my parents was me being completely in control of the situation. I had to create a situation in which I was the one dominating the moment. I was a little paranoid, considering my parents were never homophobic and have been consistently loving and kind people, but I had everything planned to a T. Some of these ideas, I'm sure, are more valid than others, so take what you want. I didn't want to tell my parents together. Somehow telling two people at once felt like public speaking, which I am not comfortable with. Also, I didn't want to have to defend myself against two people tag-teaming me on the off chance that they took the news badly. I wanted to tell my mom first, because I figured she would be the easier of the two. I wanted to make sure that she couldn't run away if the situation got too difficult for her to handle, so I decided a car ride was the best setting. I also had to make sure that if things REALLY went south she couldn't abandon me on the side of the road, so I had to be the one driving. I spent a week planning out and rehearsing exactly how I would spin my story so as to break the news as gently as possible, and when the day came, I executed my performance exactly as planned, and everything went as smoothly as could have been hoped for. Obviously this is just one way to go about it. You probably have a plan all worked out, and if that's the case, change nothing. Your plan is right for you.
Also, don't beat yourself up for failing to tell your parents when other people were around. Intimate, private news deserves an intimate, private setting. Coming out at someone else's anniversary could even be seen as stealing the show. Even if this Sunday comes around and you decide you just can't go through with it, it will have been the right choice, because it's the choice YOU made, and you really can't do something wrong when coming out.
One parting word of advice. Moms like to cry when they hear the news, particularly when you tell them after you've grown up. They feel like they should have known, your childhood must have been hell, etc, and they cry. Be prepared for this. Good luck! Wow, music -- BIG THANK YOU, man!!! I have been running the scenarios through my head, troubleshooting, rehearsing, and you have helped me tremendously. I knew I wanted the control and I've been wrestling with whether it was good or bad to tell my parents together. For me, it's always been a little easier to discuss things with my dad first as he tends to be the calming rock in my family. I knew that if I asked him if we could discuss something in my room or something, one of my sisters would turn it into, a "What do you want to talk to dad about?" event. :redface: Your idea of the car ride just might be what I was looking for. Thanks again.
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Thank you all again for your kind words. Your support means a lot to me and I can't believe how far I have come in the last six months. Just to be able to get things off my chest and hear from people who have been through and are going through the same things as me gives me the courage I need to continue on my journey. I know that once I get past this important hurdle of telling my parents that I will feel so much better. I'll let you know how it goes, whatever happens.
Take Care.
Jared.
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Well, my parents have just left my house and I hate myself. I spent the whole day going over different ways to tell them in my mind, but everytime I looked at them I just couldn't do it. I feel like hell. I know that I want to tell them, but I'm having so much trouble saying it. Everytime I look at my mother I keep thinking this is going to kill her. I wore my Margaret Cho 'Beautiful' T-Shirt thinking they would comment on it and I would have a way in, but they didn't say a thing. I'm beginning to think that maybe they suspect something and they're avoiding bringing it up too. It would be so much easier if they just asked me, then at least it would confirm that they suspect it and I could say 'yes I am'. I'm determined to tell them soon, but I'm not going to set a date for it this time, as I think the pressure got to me.
Take care everyone.
Jared.
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