Ok, I need some help...

[kmullican]

Here's my shortened version of my story. I was 'straight' for years. My first experience with a woman was when I was 17 and it was horrible. She was gross...touching her was disgusting. I had always had gay friends, and wondered about my own sexuality (I was attracted to girl friends-although I never told them or came on to them-they were straight AND we lived in a very small town in the country where gay was NOT acceptable) Anyway, at 17, when I was enlisted to go into the Army, I used to go to the city for events (mostly, I'd make up events so that my parents would let me go). I met a woman who asked me if I'd ever been with a woman, I told her no and she told me that I didn't know what I was missing. As the night progressed, some of my city friends and her and I did a lot of drinking in a hotel room and sex starting going on all over the place. She pretty much pushed herself on me and guided me to doing things (I don't want to say forced-I never said 'no'). Her hoo-hoo was so gross. It was really hot (temperature hot) and sticky and just gross. She kissed me and that was pretty gross too, she wasn't a good kisser. Anyway because of that experience (which went no further than some fingering and kissing) I decided that I wasn't gay or bi or anything except straight. I married a man and had 2 kids with him. I rarely ever wanted to have sex, just chalked it up to a low sex drive. He was really mean to me about it, yelling at me, accused me of cheating, not finding him attractive, blah, blah. One night I was out with my friends and talking to a good girl friend who was bi, and this other girl (our friend's wife) was really hot and she was hitting on both of us. She kissed me and I really liked it. The bar closed and we decided to move the party to her and her husband's house. I rode with my bi friend, and talked about the girl, and I told my friend that if she was interested, I would back off, since I was married anyway and not sure what I wanted to do anyway. My friend told me it was all good and we would just see what happened but that no matter what it wouldn't come between our friendship. The three of us girls ended up having a threesome in the married girl's bedroom...once her husband realized we had been in there for quite a while, he tried to come in the locked door and we all got dressed (told him we were trying on clothes, etc) and went back to the livingroom. I went home that night and told my husband that she had kissed me at the bar, to test the waters, and thinking that he might be turned on by it. He was really pissed. I told him it was no big deal and that she had kissed me, not the other way around and that it wouldn't happen again. Soon after, my husband and I took a break (he was actually having an affair, but I didn't know). During the time apart, I had a bit of a thing with the original girl, my friend's wife (they had gotten separated, too), but she became REALLY
clingy and was practically stalking me. My friends starting calling her 'Jansport' after the back-pack because of the way she hung from me. I also had a thing with my bi friend, and another girl. I never felt like I had a low sex drive with them, so I said, well I guess I'm bi. My husband and I got back together for a couple months, I never told him anything about what happened when we were apart, and he continued his affair behind my back. When we were apart for the initial break, the bills were too much for me to pay working only a couple nights a week as I had been doing for extra money and he wasn't helping with money or watching the kids so that I could work more, and he also quit his job. So when he moved back in, we were already drowning in overdue bills. We decided to move to MD, in with my father and get our lives back on track. The day before we were moving, a big situation occurred (he literally held me and the kids hostage in the apt and did a bunch of horrible stuff. I did punch him in the face though (yay, me!) and he used that for hours saying that he was calling the police and telling them that I hit him so that I would be arrested and he was going to take the kids far away. Anyway, he eventually just left, and I moved to MD with the kids myself the next day. I got my dream job within a month and was doing really well. I met a lot of good gay guy friends, but really no women. Since I was considering myself bi, and my family is not really accepting of gay people, I mostly dated men. Once again, I was not really sexually interested and it caused problems. Then I met a girl I really liked. She moved in (u-haul anyone?) and things were going good. Until she got caught shop lifting and got arrested. I couldn't bail her out, and her mother said she would bail her out if she moved out of my house and back into her mother's house. That was pretty much the end of our relationship. We saw each other occasionally, but it was just more like fwb. Anyway, still thinking I was bi, I dated men. Now, I know I'm gay...the only guy I'm interested in having sex with is a friend who is pretty girly and only if it can be a threesome. Problem is, I don't really have any gay friends anymore. The area I live in is really conservative, so gay people aren't really open around here, at least not my age. I'm not really interested in going to gay clubs to meet people, especially alone, so I don't know how to meet people. I'm on a couple dating sites as gay, and I've emailed with some women on there, but never met any. They all seem to have tons of friends and I don't. I haven't worked in about 4 years due to my pain disorder,(I'm working from home now, doing counseling over the phone) and I don't really get out much. Anyway, that was longer than I'd planned...but how do I meet people??? I don't even really have many straight friends and the ones I do have have their own families and stuff going on, so we don't really go out much, if at all. My kids know I'm gay and my family mostly knows, so I'm not worried about any of that...I just don't know how to meet people other than going to clubs which I don't really want to do...I feel like I'm past that stage in my life. I'm 34!! I'm not really a clubby kind of person. And I would definitely feel ridiculous going alone. Any suggestions???:confused:

[jbrowder24]

Are there any organizations around you, that you could attend a meeting?

Also you could try web sites - not just dating sites but also social sites and do searches ( such as on connexion.org )

It definitely is hard sometimes in certain areas. Good luck, and thanks for sharing

[kmullican]

I checked out connexion and signed up. I'm not so into adding a ton of people to my 'friends' list, so out of the people in my area, I requested 4 people. None have responded or they have denied me (I don't know which)...I have no friends...sad face!!!

[princealbertofb]

You're in a bit of a tough spot at the moment, and I trust feeling quite lonely. Sorry about that.

What sort of counselling do you do from your home? Is it anything to do with the gay life, or just another subject completely?
I would suggest another thing, maybe join a group that does a common activity. I don't think you can do sport if you have pain, but could you do painting, drama, singing, cake decorating, patchwork quilting, .... a games group? It is generally by socialising that we meet other people. Is there a lesbian community group that tries to help out LGBT people in your area?

[kmullican]

I counsel on just about anything the person needs help with. There really aren't any groups around here, it's a very conservative town. As for classes like cake decorating or singing or something like that, I wouldn't be very good with that since I can't always live up to the commitments that are required. I don't know if on that particular day of the week I'm going to be having a bad day and not able to drive or sit (definitely not stand) through the class. It might sound like I'm making excuses, but it's the reality of my life. And it sucks majorly. Oh well, things happen when and how they are supposed to.

[azulai]

Hi, kmullican.
I did a search for you/your area. There isn't much but here are a few ideas.
1) LGBT Therapists in Westminster
I'm not suggesting you go see a therapist. :tongue: I was thinking what about YOU trying to get a reading group organized and asking these therapists if you could post about it in their offices. You could do a monthly meeting in a coffee house or something like that. If you're setting it up maybe there is a day in your schedule that is typically free. IDK. Just an idea for you that is low on the physical activity, and even if you are a little under the weather, getting out and getting a coffee might be nice.

2)LGBTQ Social - Westminster / Carroll County, Maryland
Here's the description:
Monthly social get-togethers at St. Paul’s UCC: Fellowship Hall for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, and Questioning folks and their families, friends and allies!

LGBTQ Social meets at St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, a local Open and Affirming church (which means welcoming to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning people) and is open to people of all faiths or no particular faith. “No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you’re welcome here.”

LGBTQ Social is a free monthly gathering where people of all orientations can be comfortable, secure and accepted as they are.

Their calendar states that the next social is:
Sat. July 23rd, 6pm – 9pm – Karaoke Night & Ice Cream Social!

Maybe with enough notice you could attend something like this?

3)gaypros.meetup in Frederick, MD
Not sure how convenient this location is, it looks like it's about 25-30 miles from you, so it may not be an option.

Well, I hope one of these might be an option for you. mile: Best of luck!

[kmullican]

Thanks for taking the time to look some things up. I already know about the social at UCC. It's really religion based, so it's not really for me. I think they are great, in fact I have some of their material, and have a rainbow comma (their motto is that there is a comma at the end of the bible, not a period) pinned to my purse. But the meetings, other than the PFLAG meetings there, are about how God loves us all, blah, blah. Maybe starting something myself would be a good idea. I did it once before, 14 years ago, and it was going well until I had to step back when my daughter was born...then it completely fell apart. UCC would probably let me post there, even and there is a local coffee shop that is not too far away that has a bulletin board for anyone to post on. Frederick is too far away for me. I can't really drive for more than a half hour, and driving there, which would take about 45 mins, then sitting through a meeting (no matter how enjoyable and relaxing) in likely hard folding chairs or wood coffee shop type chairs, then driving back would be far too painful for me. It sucks to not be able to do things like I used to. But, on a positive note, I met someone in Westminster, another woman without any gay friends...I found her on a dating site, but we're not really a good match for dating, but it'd be great to be friends. We're talking about meeting for coffee.

[Vigilias]

I'm sure I gave a response to this post last week... or did I read and not respond...

[princealbertofb]

Vig, I think you imagined your response but didn't put fingers to keyboard about it...