Before I go on, i will tell you all that just after I came out, i weighed 210lbs (i'm 5'7") and had a 38" waist, double chin and a belly. It only took me a few times out to gay bars, events and online chats to figure out that the gay community (very much like the str8 community) values folks who are in shape over those who are out-of-shape. Now, i HATE, and i mean HATE going to the gym. Never worked for me! Not because I was intimidated by the muscle guys, but i just found it tedious and boring. So, i found a great post on a website that told me to "journal" everything I ate for 2 weeks - then look back and evaluate my food intake.
WOW! I was eating a WHOLE pizza 2 or 3 times a week. I was drinking beer every day after work, eating in bed, cookies, and TONS of fast food. The key thing that worked for me was that the site said to NOT change WHAT i ate, but HOW MUCH i ate (oh, and it told me to eliminate ALL DIET SODA).
Long story short, 1 year later i was 150lbs and 30" waist! As i'm sure you can imagine, after I lost the weight and went to gay clubs and events, i got ALOT MORE ATTENTION!
Here's the tough love guys. Yes, for dozens of health reasons it's good to lose weight, but the bottom line is, being morbidly obese is SELF ABUSE!
Really? You expect a guy to see the beautiful person "inside" when it's enveloped with 200lbs of fat? It really irks me when i hear guys who are obsese bemoan the fact that all the guys want "skinny" guys. While that's NOT true (unfortunatly the bear community embraces the notion that being 200lbs overweight is normal, good and sexy). You can go to any gay event and see plenty of overweight gay couples together - so if you don't care about your body, looks and health - just get out there and i'm sure y0u'll meet a guy who is into fat/chubby/obese guys.
But let's be honest. When you go to the beach and see a handsome flat-bellied guy, or even a skinnny guy - inside you're saying "I wish i looked like that." GUESS WHAT? YOU CAN!
You have to decide for yourself if you LOVE YOURSELF enough to lose the weight. There's no magic pill you can take to lose 100lbs in 30 days - it takes mental toughness and discipline - but once you DO lose the weight FOR YOUR REASONS NOT TO ATTRACT A MATE - you'll feel so good about yourself - mentally and physcially.
Really? It's amazing to me how a guy who's 5'8" 250lbs can look at himself in the mirror NAKED and say, "i don't understand why guys aren't attracted to me."
The day i looked down and couldn't see my "junk" was a real eye-opener! I hated having to pull up my belly to pee and breaking a sweat just walking up a flight of stairs!
Once i made the decision to lose the weight - slowly - it was actually easy. Instead of eating 8 pieces of pizza, i ate 4 - now i eat 2 and am full!
I know this may sound harsh, but being fat is a self-imposed condition. You didn't gain 100lbs in a week, so don't expect to lose 100lbs in a week.
LET ME STATE THIS FOR EMPHASIS: The decision to lose weight should be about bettering YOURSELF NOT JUST TO MEET A HOT GUY ( or any guy). It's about self-respect and OWNING your life.
Sitting at home, getting stoned, eating 3-4 bags of chips a day and bitching about why guys aren't attracted to you (SO NO I DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR POINT THAT GAY MEN ARE ANY MORE SHALLOW THAN STR8 MEN IN BEING ATTRACTED TO IN-SHAPE MATES).
Take control of your life - you'll be a better person inside and out for it!
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I'm 6'2 and in the past few years have dropped from over 18 stone to 14.5 stone now. I look good now, I get a lot more attention from people and compliments and it makes me feel good about myself. I wish I could say it was down to intent but mostly it was my active work life and job I had that helped.
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Ummmm...Bob...alot of generalizing you do there....
the gay community (very much like the str8 community) values folks who are in shape over those who are out-of-shape.
I am a member of the gay community and I do not
Value" thin people anymore than I "Value" not so thin people. You are externalizing you own attitudes and ascribing them to a much larger group of people as though we aren't all individuals.
I also worked in a very busy gay nightclub for 20 years and I think I know alot more about gay men than people who just speculate as I was there in the flesh...3-D...day after day...year after year....
...and I can tell you that ALOT of people...PURELY on a physical basis... prefer men with meat on their bones. ALOT of people prefer people with no meat on their bones. Sorry about your data...it simply isn't true. It is, however, your opinion as this is mine and you are entitled to it. People's tastes are varied.
Really? You expect a guy to see the beautiful person "inside" when it's enveloped with 200lbs of fat?
Ummm...Yeah...really...it is actually really easy and effortless for me to see the person inside with everyone across the board. It is just as easy to see a guy who is thin and "good looking" as being incredibly ugly inside.
The ugliest person I can ever remember working with was a quite famous porn star. I remember the night he first started...I tried to be nice to him and welcome him and he was so full of himself I was soon embarrassed for him. Then I began to resent him because I had to work doubly hard because his ugly personality turned off so many guys they all came to me for drinks. He took the place of a heavy guy who everyone...including me... loved.
I worked out every day and kept myself fit because I like exercise (and to be fair I did wear just shorts sometimes because I got better tips and I was exploiting myself) but not once did I ever feel as though I was any "better" or more desirable than the heavy guy. I realize alot of people are ....but I am not really that shallow. Shallow is kinda boring for me personally. In fact...I was a bit envious of him...I used to attract straight guys like flies:biggrin:...he attracted really sexy gay guys.
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Bob you re right... Its not only how you look is also about your health and thats what we all should put in our minds!
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If you compare yourself constantly to the judgement of people at gay clubs, gay events and pride fests, then sorry but you'll drive yourself to suicide.
I do not care and dislike the general (and general being the key word here) attitude and treatment other guys in the community have towards each other in these situations.
Don't judge and make decisions of yourself by those people, even if you achieve a perfect body you'll find out fast how shallow and useless they are.
If you do decide to make a change do it for yourself and other reasons, like health issues and how you feel. It's fine to want the good looks and it will help your self esteem a lot, but if you do not have the discipline and mindset to stay on a plan, you will fail and that will just make you more depressed. So your motivation needs to be more substance than facetious, like the people your being judged by.
Oh, one last thing, don't do that lemonade & cinnamon diet you mentioned earlier, or any other stupid quick celebrity diet you've read about. They will lead to failure. There are fast fat-burning programs out there, but they involve intense exercising not meant for beginners. Starving yourself isn't the answer.
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