07-07-2011, 04:09 AM
Here's my shortened version of my story. I was 'straight' for years. My first experience with a woman was when I was 17 and it was horrible. She was gross...touching her was disgusting. I had always had gay friends, and wondered about my own sexuality (I was attracted to girl friends-although I never told them or came on to them-they were straight AND we lived in a very small town in the country where gay was NOT acceptable) Anyway, at 17, when I was enlisted to go into the Army, I used to go to the city for events (mostly, I'd make up events so that my parents would let me go). I met a woman who asked me if I'd ever been with a woman, I told her no and she told me that I didn't know what I was missing. As the night progressed, some of my city friends and her and I did a lot of drinking in a hotel room and sex starting going on all over the place. She pretty much pushed herself on me and guided me to doing things (I don't want to say forced-I never said 'no'). Her hoo-hoo was so gross. It was really hot (temperature hot) and sticky and just gross. She kissed me and that was pretty gross too, she wasn't a good kisser. Anyway because of that experience (which went no further than some fingering and kissing) I decided that I wasn't gay or bi or anything except straight. I married a man and had 2 kids with him. I rarely ever wanted to have sex, just chalked it up to a low sex drive. He was really mean to me about it, yelling at me, accused me of cheating, not finding him attractive, blah, blah. One night I was out with my friends and talking to a good girl friend who was bi, and this other girl (our friend's wife) was really hot and she was hitting on both of us. She kissed me and I really liked it. The bar closed and we decided to move the party to her and her husband's house. I rode with my bi friend, and talked about the girl, and I told my friend that if she was interested, I would back off, since I was married anyway and not sure what I wanted to do anyway. My friend told me it was all good and we would just see what happened but that no matter what it wouldn't come between our friendship. The three of us girls ended up having a threesome in the married girl's bedroom...once her husband realized we had been in there for quite a while, he tried to come in the locked door and we all got dressed (told him we were trying on clothes, etc) and went back to the livingroom. I went home that night and told my husband that she had kissed me at the bar, to test the waters, and thinking that he might be turned on by it. He was really pissed. I told him it was no big deal and that she had kissed me, not the other way around and that it wouldn't happen again. Soon after, my husband and I took a break (he was actually having an affair, but I didn't know). During the time apart, I had a bit of a thing with the original girl, my friend's wife (they had gotten separated, too), but she became REALLY
clingy and was practically stalking me. My friends starting calling her 'Jansport' after the back-pack because of the way she hung from me. I also had a thing with my bi friend, and another girl. I never felt like I had a low sex drive with them, so I said, well I guess I'm bi. My husband and I got back together for a couple months, I never told him anything about what happened when we were apart, and he continued his affair behind my back. When we were apart for the initial break, the bills were too much for me to pay working only a couple nights a week as I had been doing for extra money and he wasn't helping with money or watching the kids so that I could work more, and he also quit his job. So when he moved back in, we were already drowning in overdue bills. We decided to move to MD, in with my father and get our lives back on track. The day before we were moving, a big situation occurred (he literally held me and the kids hostage in the apt and did a bunch of horrible stuff. I did punch him in the face though (yay, me!) and he used that for hours saying that he was calling the police and telling them that I hit him so that I would be arrested and he was going to take the kids far away. Anyway, he eventually just left, and I moved to MD with the kids myself the next day. I got my dream job within a month and was doing really well. I met a lot of good gay guy friends, but really no women. Since I was considering myself bi, and my family is not really accepting of gay people, I mostly dated men. Once again, I was not really sexually interested and it caused problems. Then I met a girl I really liked. She moved in (u-haul anyone?) and things were going good. Until she got caught shop lifting and got arrested. I couldn't bail her out, and her mother said she would bail her out if she moved out of my house and back into her mother's house. That was pretty much the end of our relationship. We saw each other occasionally, but it was just more like fwb. Anyway, still thinking I was bi, I dated men. Now, I know I'm gay...the only guy I'm interested in having sex with is a friend who is pretty girly and only if it can be a threesome. Problem is, I don't really have any gay friends anymore. The area I live in is really conservative, so gay people aren't really open around here, at least not my age. I'm not really interested in going to gay clubs to meet people, especially alone, so I don't know how to meet people. I'm on a couple dating sites as gay, and I've emailed with some women on there, but never met any. They all seem to have tons of friends and I don't. I haven't worked in about 4 years due to my pain disorder,(I'm working from home now, doing counseling over the phone) and I don't really get out much. Anyway, that was longer than I'd planned...but how do I meet people??? I don't even really have many straight friends and the ones I do have have their own families and stuff going on, so we don't really go out much, if at all. My kids know I'm gay and my family mostly knows, so I'm not worried about any of that...I just don't know how to meet people other than going to clubs which I don't really want to do...I feel like I'm past that stage in my life. I'm 34!! I'm not really a clubby kind of person. And I would definitely feel ridiculous going alone. Any suggestions???:confused:
clingy and was practically stalking me. My friends starting calling her 'Jansport' after the back-pack because of the way she hung from me. I also had a thing with my bi friend, and another girl. I never felt like I had a low sex drive with them, so I said, well I guess I'm bi. My husband and I got back together for a couple months, I never told him anything about what happened when we were apart, and he continued his affair behind my back. When we were apart for the initial break, the bills were too much for me to pay working only a couple nights a week as I had been doing for extra money and he wasn't helping with money or watching the kids so that I could work more, and he also quit his job. So when he moved back in, we were already drowning in overdue bills. We decided to move to MD, in with my father and get our lives back on track. The day before we were moving, a big situation occurred (he literally held me and the kids hostage in the apt and did a bunch of horrible stuff. I did punch him in the face though (yay, me!) and he used that for hours saying that he was calling the police and telling them that I hit him so that I would be arrested and he was going to take the kids far away. Anyway, he eventually just left, and I moved to MD with the kids myself the next day. I got my dream job within a month and was doing really well. I met a lot of good gay guy friends, but really no women. Since I was considering myself bi, and my family is not really accepting of gay people, I mostly dated men. Once again, I was not really sexually interested and it caused problems. Then I met a girl I really liked. She moved in (u-haul anyone?) and things were going good. Until she got caught shop lifting and got arrested. I couldn't bail her out, and her mother said she would bail her out if she moved out of my house and back into her mother's house. That was pretty much the end of our relationship. We saw each other occasionally, but it was just more like fwb. Anyway, still thinking I was bi, I dated men. Now, I know I'm gay...the only guy I'm interested in having sex with is a friend who is pretty girly and only if it can be a threesome. Problem is, I don't really have any gay friends anymore. The area I live in is really conservative, so gay people aren't really open around here, at least not my age. I'm not really interested in going to gay clubs to meet people, especially alone, so I don't know how to meet people. I'm on a couple dating sites as gay, and I've emailed with some women on there, but never met any. They all seem to have tons of friends and I don't. I haven't worked in about 4 years due to my pain disorder,(I'm working from home now, doing counseling over the phone) and I don't really get out much. Anyway, that was longer than I'd planned...but how do I meet people??? I don't even really have many straight friends and the ones I do have have their own families and stuff going on, so we don't really go out much, if at all. My kids know I'm gay and my family mostly knows, so I'm not worried about any of that...I just don't know how to meet people other than going to clubs which I don't really want to do...I feel like I'm past that stage in my life. I'm 34!! I'm not really a clubby kind of person. And I would definitely feel ridiculous going alone. Any suggestions???:confused: