First timer... just a fantasy?

[forguysover45]

Hello!
I apologize for opening this thread but I need some advice....
I am 30, married (with a woman) and pass in daily life as a heterosexual (not that I am not one... wherever I see a fine woman I think "cunnilingus!").
For a while, starting about 10 years ago I might say, I started thinking about what would be like to do it with a guy, me being the bottom. Lately, this fantasy/desire became pretty strong so I started looking around.
For psychological reasons (and privacy, why not say that) I prefer men over 45 years of age. I have a certain scenario in mind but my main problem is how to explain it to my future top partner so that it doesn't go over the board?
Also, what kind of preparations do I need to do before/during the encounter? I used toys so far (butt-plugs, dildo) and lubricant (with a small pain-lowering effect).
During that first encounter, what should I explain to my partner and what would be the steps to take so that my first experience as a bottom would be a pleasant one?
Thank you!

[AttackOfTheMark]

Glad to see you're at least willing to start with the best part; bottoming! The preparation(s) necessary are to, obviously, clean the organ you plan to use. Before you get turned off of the act by the word, douching is a very healthy act. In order to do this, you can buy a one-time-use or multi-use anal douching kit (or you can makeshift your way through; I personally use a water bottle and it works just as well!). Fill your device with water and squeeze it into your rectum with steady, even pressure. Sit down, relax, and just wait for the water/debris to come out, wipe and repeat until you feel satisfactorily clean.

As it's your first time, I would recommend letting your partner know that so that he can take the proper precautions (as in "going slow" and "being gentle"). Your body language will say more than anything to your partner so make sure you let him know very blatantly if you need to take a second, have him/yourself reposition, etc.

If you need to use a desensitizing spray/whatever for toys, you should definitely apply some prior to your encounter; a human working something in and out of you is very much different than toys!

The biggest tip I can give you is to just relax, take it slow, and find out what you like. The only way to figure out the best advice to give you is for you to do it first, with no basis to go off it's very difficult to point you in the right direction, haha.

I would like to wish you the best of luck, and to not give up! It may take a couple tries but bottoming really is the absolute best way to open up to another human, and I enjoy seeing other people have a will to try it!

-Mark

[forguysover45]

Thank you for the advice!
Is not the physical act that I'm... afraid of. I've worked my way around that and, for a part, I suppose it should feel better than toys.
It's the psychological aspect of it. Being married, in a heterosexual relationship, with the wife living by the old values, if I might say that, is hard to overcome some of the restrictions, giving the fact that I do love her.
But... this is something I have to do. Have wondered about it for a long time, went back and forth about it and... is somehow the idea of going past that initial moment, when I am in front of another naked man, wondering about that full discretion and no-disclosure policy and so on...
Somehow, that is why I prefer men over 45. More experienced, more reliable and more patient, I suppose. It is somehow hard to explain such a simple thing...
By the way... any advice for oral?

[barbell]

For a while, starting about 10 years ago

Why wait for so long...

I have a certain scenario in mind but my main problem is how to explain it to my future top partner so that it doesn't go over the board?

Just be open and tell him about it directly.

[AttackOfTheMark]

Thank you for the advice!
Is not the physical act that I'm... afraid of. I've worked my way around that and, for a part, I suppose it should feel better than toys.
It's the psychological aspect of it. Being married, in a heterosexual relationship, with the wife living by the old values, if I might say that, is hard to overcome some of the restrictions, giving the fact that I do love her.
But... this is something I have to do. Have wondered about it for a long time, went back and forth about it and... is somehow the idea of going past that initial moment, when I am in front of another naked man, wondering about that full discretion and no-disclosure policy and so on...
Somehow, that is why I prefer men over 45. More experienced, more reliable and more patient, I suppose. It is somehow hard to explain such a simple thing...
By the way... any advice for oral?

I can say with 100% certainty and honesty that there are -A TON- of other men in the same exact situation; curious but afraid to explore. It isn't unheard of and definitely isn't rare. Discretion is easily there if you request it, though no one really runs around giving out names to their friends, lol.

Older men are not the only discrete/trustworthy people in the world; I'm 20 and I am all for discretion, it's more of a trustful connection between your partner and yourself rather than an age factor.

Oral.. Haha. The best tip I can give you is to listen! Everyone likes it differently but the obvious tips are to be wary of your teeth and what your partner reacts to. Your partner's body language and vocals will be your biggest guide through oral.

Honestly, if there's one point I want to get across, it's that this can make things turn sour if it goes wrong. Depending on how open your wife and yourself are, you can ask her on her opinions on the subject; more often than not your honesty about it is a much better solution than her finding out and becoming angry with you. The worst that could happen is, you tell her that you want to try it just to get it out of your system and off your mind.

Best of luck, bud!
-Mark