So I'm having a tough go of it, and just thought I would rant for a quick second and see what kind of advice pops up. After all, many of you all have been in the same boat.
Anyways, I came out in February of this year. I had moved to a new city (and still live there) to got to a new university, and was hoping to have a fresh start and reinvent myself. But, fast forward almost 6 months later, and...nothing.
When I first came out was when I first began to allow myself to feel feelings towards other guys, and finally came to terms with these feelings. I began wanting to find love; someone to love and be loved by and to go through life with. But, here I am, 5 months later, and my life is still in the rut it was in February.
I think I know what the problem is: I want to find that special someone SO BADLY that I'm more or less LOOKING for love, rather than letting him come to me. Sound valid? Anyways, I know that being in a relationship isn't the end-all, be-all, but it sure would be nice to have someone. I know this probably sounds kinda stupid, but it's been a real struggle; a day in, day out struggle.
Thanks for listening (er, reading) and the advice.
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Wow, I am surprise to find myself here. (well, myself of few months ago to be exact). I started to accept myself and came out around January. Before that few , I moved to a new city and a new univeristy as well. Due to my came out, I lost my best friend who has secretly been in love with me.
I started to date guys, seeing some, hooking up with some. There were points when I was just blindly dated anything that was moving with the hope of finding love.
And now, here I am. Still single.
But I am different now, well at least in my mind. After 6 months of chasing the "unknown" I realized that not any single gay guy is available for me and I don't have to try to date or impress any single gay guy that I know. I remember how I walked in a room, saw a single gay guy and told myself "omg, a potential boyfriend". And then when he walked away, I felt like a loser.
It 's normal for us-the newbie of this gay world to have that feeling. We are just like kids who walk in a candy shop with all of gummy bears, jelly beans, hard candy,... We want them all. But the more we want them, the less we will get any since they all have a price. You have to be patient and have a keen eye to pick out the right one for you.
When I talk about unavailable guy, I am not talking about guy who is out of your league. There is no such thing exist. (and believe me the look has nothing to do with it, not to brag about myself, I am in my early 20 with abs and stuff. There are more than 1 guy has told me "you have so much to offer". Well, I am still single). Unavailable guys are guys who are not ready for a relationship, or at least a relationship with you. If you don't really understand then here is an example, the next time you see a guy who is single and cute ( with a nice smile also). As yourself the question "do I really know much about him", "does he vote?", "is he open for a relationship", "does he have time for relationship?", "how out is he?" before deciding that "I will have to date that stud by all price".
You may think my theory seem so wrong and ask the question "how can I get a relationship by hesitating to get one? How it can improve my chance of getting a relationship when I skip cute guys on my way?"
The simple answer is as you chase after guys who are not suitable for you; you are already skipping your chance of being with a guy of your life. It takes time to get enough energy to or recover from chasing after a guy. If we keep chasing the wrong guys then we won't never make it.
One more thing, desperation is never cute.
Be cool and patient mate, we are getting there.
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I think you hit the nail on the head with wanting love so bad, you aren't letting it find you. And I know, because I've been there too. You mention just coming out recently - have you met many guys just as friends? What's your situation with work, school, your fitness, etc. - are you happy? Because if you aren't, finding love won't necessarily fill the void, and there are things there you can work on that might help keep you fulfilled until it does come because you are making progress in your life. And if you are happy, enjoy it! It'll make you all the more attractive for guys to see this guy so sure.
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Don't look for it...it will come so instead get ready for it. Ask yourself some questions...like what is important to you in a relationship? What qualities are important to you? What do you have to offer? Are there any deal breakers?
I think it is really sexy to know who you are and asking yourself these questions will help you attract what you want into your life.
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Thanks for the awesome advice, all. In response to your questions, yes, I feel that I'm fairly happy with my life now, with the exception of this issue. And I do realize that finding someone won't necessarily fill the void, and that that is ultimately up to me. My biggest fear in all of this (and I know this sounds sooo stupid) is that I will never know what it's like to fall in love, or to be in a real relationship. Anyways, I know that's probably very irrational, but it's constantly on my mind. I like what's been said, that I should stop looking for it and just enjoy life as it is, for now.
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