Ever sence I was young I always knew I was different from everyone else. Ad when I was 16 I had my fist gay encounter. I loved every min of it. Now I'm 20 and have had a couple gay flings but yet IV been with girls as well but they just don't make me feel the same as the way I do with a Guy. I always swore I'd never have a relationship with a Guy. Because the face that I want to have the traditional wedding and have kids of my own. But the more I think about it I don't know if I can't actually get married and be with the same girl for the rest if my life. I'm so confused and don't know what to do! None of my family and just a hand full of my friends know I like guys. So idk I'm so confused someone please help me out!
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Sometimes the desire for those traditional things are simply are just the views that society and parents have put upon us, so it's only normal for you to feel confused. You're only 19, you've still got a lot of life to live, there's no need to make any decisions about everything just yet. What is important is that you take the next few years of your life to really figure out what [COLOR="Red"]YOU (not the you that others would like you to be, but the [COLOR="Magenta"]real you[/COLOR]) want, what you can live with and what you can't live with. I'll tell you this much, you don't wanna end up married with a wife and kids only to find that you really want to be with a man. It's perfectly possible for you to be with a man and have kids if you want, there are options. In any case, it's alright to be confused right now, but there really is no need to be freaked out... you're gonna be okay.[/COLOR]
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Not easy - but the same decision wich many gay-people have.
I ever wanted a big family... with kids... and I ever wanted at least one son, but I ever knew: That did not work with me ;-(
You have to imagine you in this situation .. a wife ... married..and then ask yourself: Would you be happy ? And much more important : Can you make these women happy ? If you know that you are gay you have the responsibility that you don´t build up a relationship with a women under wrong prerequisites.
At first hard to accept ... but the only way if you want to be a fair partner...
And honestly: The life as a gay man.. in a gay relationship can be wonderful ... is wonderful. So don´t make the mistake to build up a straight relationship if you know, you are not straight.... the end would be a desaster... you and the whole rest of this family would be unhappy....
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Well, give it time, okay? Try meeting guys, explore what you like, challange your sexuality...but, please, don't think it's bad to be with a guy...You could have a marriage which is a thousand times better with a guy, and you could still have kids...Don't be troubled. Explore things and don't fear homosexuality or bisexuality. Just be yourself - that could be somewhere in the middle. :]
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I was the same way, and kept myself in denial until I was about 21. Some of us get taught so much about marriage and having kids etc, that it just becomes engrained in us that it's what we're supposed to do, and who we're supposed to be - even if it's against who we really are. And figuring out who that is can be hard and take time, but it does help to come to places like this and chat with others and realize, 'Wow, these guys and gals are normal.' I know I was afraid of what I'd "become" if I admitted I was gay, but I finally realized I wasn't becoming anything - Whoever you are now, your sexuality - whatever you decide - will not change that. And I'll repeat some stuff I've said before here, but that's okay because new people always find the site... it helped me to watch gay-themed movies (i.e. Beautiful Thing) and read magazines (i.e. OUT) because it helped me to feel normal, that there were lots of other people out there like me even if there weren't many where I was in rural Iowa. And after all the confusion, once I'd accepted who I was, I was able to dream of things like marriage again - only this time it wasn't just an "oh that's a nice thought" of finding a nice girl, but knowing that I'd want to find the right guy. For me, I realized I was gay. You might decide you're bi on some level; it's your journey to discover and yes it can be hard at first because of your fears etc.... but when it comes down to it, most of it is internal fear and you'll find friends who accept you, you'll find the right person (be it guy or gal) for you, and things will start to fall into place when the time is right. Good look on your journey.
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Thanks. Every one irk it just so confusing because like I was in a relationship with a girl from the time I was 13 till I was 18 granite we did break up a coupke times but it was never for no longer then 2 weeks at a time. And couldn't stand her and never really had a relationship with no one just "friends with benifits"with both guys and girls. I am now 19 about to be 20 and have been single for about a year and a half And to be honest IV been watching porn sense I was 10 years old. And yeah playing with my self 99.9 % of the time. Andall I usually watch gay porn. And never wanted a relationship with a Guy. Just sex. And IV been with a Guy quite a few times and I really liked the sex aspect but not the relationship aspect and yes iv hade a few that wanted more then just a friend but I wouldn't go no further. So I'd loose my friend nd "fuck buddy" in the long run. So should I bite the bullet and have a relationship with a Guy or stick with the girls that I also like a lot? Or stay single and "keep playing both fields"? ThNks again everyone again I'm new to this hole thing and this really helped answer a lot of questions  )) Quote:
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Try going for a relationship once, just to try it, you know. Who knows, you might actually like it, I mean, it can be quite different from a relationship with a girl. If you don't like it, then keep playing both fields and go with whatever you like... :]
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This is a classic case of internalised-homophobia, you can't even say the word GAY or LOVE.
Nothing anyone say here or in the real world is going to change a single thing about you unfortunately, because it seem that you have too many issues that YOU need to deal with within yourself before you can find the honest truth that is yourself.
I am not going to be one to say 'Yes, you're gay, go out and have a good time and embrace your sexuality.', because no-one knows if you are gay or straight except you, you are the only one who ultimately knows what you are about and you need to discover that and then start to live your life...not the other way around...if you start living your life the way society tells you to live your life you will destroy your life, your partners life, your childrens life, your parents life etc etc.
Until you you can eventually say 'I LOVE you' to anyone gender, then you are going to be stuck 'LIKING guys more', because liking is not enough. You have to go on your voyage of self-discover and find out what suits you, what you feel comfortable, WHAT YOU LOVE!!!
Your voyage is your voyage and every single person travels this road in their own way at their own pace...some people learn about themselves and can be fully comfortable with who they are and with their destiny as teenager, other people may not find the same enlightenment until they are well into their 20's...30's....40's.
Learn to accept who you are, learn to accept your feelings, but most importantly....learn to LOVE YOURSELF, you cannot love another human being until you can love yourself.
Never EVER forget this...you are never alone, where you are going other have been before you, where you are others are with you, and when you get there you will helping those that were you ;-)
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loveisblind Wrote:Ever sence I was young I always knew I was different from everyone else. Ad when I was 16 I had my fist gay encounter. I loved every min of it. Now I'm 20 and have had a couple gay flings but yet IV been with girls as well but they just don't make me feel the same as the way I do with a Guy. I always swore I'd never have a relationship with a Guy. Because the face that I want to have the traditional wedding and have kids of my own. But the more I think about it I don't know if I can't actually get married and be with the same girl for the rest if my life. I'm so confused and don't know what to do! None of my family and just a hand full of my friends know I like guys. So idk I'm so confused someone please help me out!
Who says you can't have those things with another guy? Perhaps, in this instance, it is not society you have to convince (as such gay relationships have existed for sometime) buy something you have to come to terms with for yourself.
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loveisblind Wrote:I always swore I'd never have a relationship with a Guy. Because the face that I want to have the traditional wedding and have kids of my own.
According to your profile, you live in the U.S., frankly, you can have a big traditional wedding and have kids, you might have to move to a better state, but you can do it. Also the trouble about marrying a girl for the wedding and kids is once you've had the wedding and got the kids, what is there to keep you together? Till death do us part is a long time.
loveisblind Wrote:And IV been with a Guy quite a few times and I really liked the sex aspect but not the relationship aspect and yes iv hade a few that wanted more then just a friend but I wouldn't go no further. So I'd loose my friend nd "fuck buddy" in the long run. So should I bite the bullet and have a relationship with a Guy or stick with the girls that I also like a lot? Or stay single and "keep playing both fields"?
Do you want to play the field forever (regardless of which field or both)? If you want to settle down sometime you need to make a decision sooner or later. Having a relationship with just any guy is not a good idea, you need to know if/how a relationship with the right guy could work out.
My suggestion is that you spend sometime thinking about why you are so keen on great sex with a guy but not a relationship? I suspect you may well have an element of 'internalised homophobia', most of us do or did. Once you've done that, if you were to meet a suitable nice guy then giving a relationship a go might well be a good idea.
Just my tuppence worth.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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