Why are gay guys so bloody annoying to me!?

[hinsonba]

One of my closest friends has posted numerous links to Tyler Oakley's videos on YouTube and I finally decided I would listen to one as the title was rather intriguing and I thought I might get a good laugh out of it. I could not have been more wrong. ._. At the 42-second mark of a 3-minute long video, I had to stop it as I simply could not take it anymore! I was intensely annoyed by both listening to and watching him. And unfortunately, this is a common problem for me that I do not necessarily like or want.

To satisfy my sociology minor, I have taken multiple classes on social deviance, sexuality, and gender; have written extensively on queer theory; and have performed multiple "gender bending" experiments in public (such as wearing make-up and high heels). Overall, I consider myself to be a fairly understanding person when it comes to gender, sexual orientation, etc. However, it still drives me absolutely insane to listen to effeminate males talk and even more-so to watch their body language. Thinking about my closest friends, the vast majority of them are all heterosexual - I have very few homosexual friends, and most of them I only talk to online or via text messaging. This is for multiple reasons, but I fully believe that the above is also a major factor.

For this same reason, I tend to avoid the majority of homosexual media and know that I am really missing out on a lot. The only homosexual movie that I can remember watching right now is Brokeback Mountain and it was years after it came out before I watched it (actually, the only reason I did watch it was because I found the DVD for just $2).

Anyway, I want to make it clear that I am not actually complaining about this issue - I am perfectly content with my life and my personal views. I am simply interested to see what everyone else's experiences and views are.

P.S. Firefox is awesome! After the second paragraph, I accidentally closed this tab, meaning to close out another, and was able to re-open the tab, saving all that I had written! I love it when technology "simply works."

[BYoNexus]

Sometimes, I find 'over the top' effeminate males a bit annoying. But they have to be really over the top for it to bother me. Of course, Im not easily annoyed, (I have yet to meet someone as calm as myself).

[East]

Hmmm...I watched one of his videos and I certainly wouldnt' watch again but it isnt' because he bothers me at all...not really interested in his vibe.

I am definitely not annoyed by feminine behavior and I have to say that hyper masculine guys are just as much in drag as hyper feminine ones. They are images. I try to see beyond the image if I can.

I am not too fond of people who arent' really thoughtful in general. I like people who have a soul and a conscience and aren't too shallow and this is true for both straight and gay people.

[OrphanPip]

Internalized homophobia?

[posterpicture]

Internalized homophobia?

I agree with Pip.
There are so many unhealthy stuff out there to the mental health of gay guys.
"It is fuck up to be gay. God hates you if you are gay. You will go to hell if you are gay.
Gay guys are all liars, cheaters who would fuck everything moving. Gay guys can't commit in a long term relationship." Everyday, you get to hear thing like that (well, I live in TX lol ) and if you start to believe. Also, failure in relationship with other gay guys can give you internalized homophobia too. You start to see the cause of the failure relationship is "gay" and that just build up.

As for gay movie, try to watch Milk, you may like it.

[Gabbyboy]

I have so many effeminate gay friends and not one bit i'm embarrass or annoyed by them for who they are , i always try to see myself in their shoes and admire their confidence, i completely understand where your coming from though but you gotta relax buddy - we gotta stick together because in the end we are all the same - we all like same sex

As for gay movie, try to watch Milk, you may like it.

Agreed!!!

[hinsonba]

Hm. While I'm not going to completely dismiss the idea of internalized homophobia, or perhaps internalized sexism, I certainly don't see either as being probable. The argument for it could certainly be made as through my studies I've seen the research and statistics which makes homosexuals, particularly homosexual males (all of the research is, of course, biased and heavily focuses on gay males as lesbianism is, on the whole, more accepted living in a patriarchal society), look absolutely horrible. For example, gay males are the most sexually promiscuous demographic (e.g. between the ages of 17 and 24, the 'average' gay male will have sexual intercourse with 24 different sexual partners), relationships between gay males are the shortest-lived relationships, and they're also the most violent (I've been told that lesbians are the most violent, but haven't seen the research to back it up).

However, I also understand that, even though this is a horrible (in only my personal opinion) pattern, it doesn't apply to every homosexual person. In my case, for example, I was 21 when I finally gave up my virginity (not due to fear or anxiety, but because I wanted it to be with someone meaningful to me - I didn't want to regret it later) and have never been in any physical altercation. I also have a good number of gay friends who I view as being good, decent, moral people who defy the stereotypes and the statistics. So while I am critical of the overall patterns of the homosexual community, I understand not to transfer those social criticisms to individuals.

Thinking on this subject, I think it 'could' be instead a form of externalized self-hatred (or more precisely criticism or dislike). For example, I have a very "gay" or feminine voice (one of my professors told me the correct term for it once, but I can't remember it now... it's not a "gay lisp," though) that I absolutely do loathe. While others have told me it's cute, I hate listening to recordings of myself. But I'm still hesitant/cautious to think this is the case, either.

And Gabbyboy, while I do agree that we need to "stick together," I absolutely, wholeheartedly disagree with the statement that "we are all the same." I am not gay. My sexual orientation is gay. (In other words, my sexual orientation does not define me as a person and I sincerely hope it doesn't for anyone else.)

[jbrowder24]

Actually there's a lot of gay portrayals in films and TV you might want to check out ... movies like Trick, Beautiful Thing, The Trip, The Sum of Us, etc. TV shows like Happy Endings, the new season of Warehouse 13, etc. have non-stereotype gay characters. I think if you become more comfortable with being gay and gay culture starting with what's less bothersome to you, you'll eventually realize we're all human and be less bothered by 'camp' types. I myself would say I was similar to you but have opened up more; though I do still have my preferences of course. But, no one ever said just because you're gay, you have to go gaga for Gaga or anything like that. Like what you like because it's your taste, not because it's "gay". I might be willing to try something more if it has gay themes because of a sense of being able to relate, but I won't like something more because of it; neither should you - but you should try to accept that there's no reason to be a gay ashamed of how some gays act. If people judge us based on a lump stereotype - and this is what I struggled with early on, but know better about now - it's their issue; we should rise above that because those that know how hard it is to be judged for who we are can all relate.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I would add 'A Single Man' to the list up there.

Could it be just that you find some of the more effeminate homosexuals overly dramatic and stuff in the way they carry themselves around? You said that you don't have many gay friends. Maybe that's where the problem is, if you tried to socialize a little more maybe your perception will be altered. :?

[dfiant]

I'll never understand how the way someone acts can annoy, upset or offend others when in all seriousness, as long as those people are not encroaching on basic human rights, why does it matter how they act???

Seriously, how does a guy running down the road in a screaching voice flapping his wrists wildly impact on your life???

It's like whinging about a TV show or a Commercial when you can turn your TV off or change the channel.

If you down't like watching effeminate guys, then it is a rather simple solution...DON'T WATCH THEM...either way it isn't going to kill you...there are more important things in life to get irritated with....like $1 trillion dollars of tax payer dollars spent on the war in the middle east...to arm both sides so they can justify the war and keep the war industry running.