I just don't get it

[ZackT]

I can talk a little about the "truly loving someone without sexuality". My best friend, a man named Dustin. He's been my best friend, closer than a brother, for 6 years now. I truly love him, he and I have this understanding on some other level that I've never experienced with anyone else and I wonder if I ever will.

Now, there may be some small chance in the future that me and him could actually end up together, but the likelyhood is pretty dim because of distance, and relationships we're currently in. I think it's about as likely as you and your gay best friend getting together, honestly. It's not impossible, but it's very unlikely.

Now, I can hear him talk about his new girlfriend that he's been in love with ever since he was 12, and although I wish it was me over there instead, I still feel alright because I know he's happy and really, that's how I know I love him so much. He's the one person who I've connected to so thoroughly that the old cliches actually apply. "I just want you to be happy, I don't care as long as you're happy" and so on.

Don't need the sex, don't need physical intimacy. Emotional and mental is all we need. Maybe at some point, you'll be able to move on. I think I started to move on when I started to really grasp that it just wasn't going to happen between us.

[leslie]

Yes but you want him. That goes down hard I know. If Dustin were with you, would you reject any of his intimate advances?

[ManicReptile21]

You know i have a very similar situation with me being in love with a straight man. We are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I also have a very deep history with him and it drives me nuts. Just letting you know your not the only one who can feel that way.

[lind]

ive falling in love in str8 men & women before, but never stopped talking 2 them, its natural to have feelings for someone that is not on the same line as u...its happens 2 everyone.

maybe u should just say it 2 him, send me a text or a letter and explain why u havent been talking 2 him and maybe he'll understand!

good luck mile:

[Lonely]

sorry to disappoint u but Anderson Cooper might be gay as well

anwayz... back to the point...
u r not alone in there... i fell in love with a straight classmate at my first year in college
and i kept loving him for 2 whole years.... b4 i decided to go on with my life, and trust
me it wasnt an easy decision...

all i can say is that u r risking all what u have now between u both specially if u reached
the point where u feel hate or disrespect to urself coz u let urself love him knowing that
there was a little chance/no chance of being with him... and the anger u feel now could
be the first step to that....

like others said b4... dont think of him as a possible sex partner... just try to use those
feelings for him to support the good foundations u already have...
just reconsider b4 ruining a good friendship...

At some point, at some level, isn't there some primal, ancestral need for a man to want a woman??

i think at some level that desire is deep down inside most of us....
i almost got engaged to a really nice girl about 2 years ago but then i realized the
mistake i was going to make right on time.... i couldnt ruin her life and mine just coz
i needed something... i couldnt risk breaking her heart someday...

now im in a serious relationship with a great guy and all in my mind right now is having
that family with him...

anywayz... we are not all the same... ur situation might be a bit different...
so...think thoroughly b4 taking any decisions.... and good luck

[East]

I think that some relationships are exactly what they are supposed to be and sometimes we think we have alot more control over them than we actually do.

I know it can hurt really bad but maybe that is one of the lessons the relationship is teaching you...one that can be useful to you later on...and when you look back you might see that everything is exactly as it should have been.

[leslie]

Anderson is not gay!! No way. He's just so well groomed is all But my Anderson is straight!!

[marshlander]

Anderson is not gay!! No way. He's just so well groomed is all But my Anderson is straight!!

Hmm, had to look him up. In May 2007, Out magazine ranked him second behind David Geffen in its list of the fifty "Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America."

In 2008 Out reported, “Anderson Cooper has finessed it where straight women who have a crush on him think he’s straight and gay men actually think he’s out. [The glass closeters] are able to play different niche audiences to whatever sexual orientation those people want, and they believe it!”

http://www.out.com/detail.asp?page=3&id=22392

[jbrowder24]

There are other species in nature where there are homosexual couples, and yet those species have not gone extinct. So I think you are wrong.

I did read a study once that there might be evolutionary stuff in what we seek in a partner, and for a (straight) guy they might want a woman with a good hip-to-waist ratio, for example (think Marilyn Monroe, not today's stick-thin models), because that subliminally suggested "good birthing hips". But even when I was in denial in high school reading this, I found myself drawn to the male model (where things like strong shoulders and a broad forehead indicated a "strong protector type").

So, could evolution play a part in attraction? Yes, i believe so. But to think that deep down your friend must want some need to find a woman is just wishful and possibly dangerous thinking (I admittedly skimmed, so I mean this if he said he is gay; if he is bi, that is more complicated). But assuming he is gay, you need to accept reality and learn how to just be friends, and talk with your friend if needed to move past this.

[ZackT]

Yes but you want him. That goes down hard I know. If Dustin were with you, would you reject any of his intimate advances?

It's really hard to say, only because I'm in a relationship right now. I don't want to be unfaithful, but if he were here and advancing on me, I might break.

If I was single though, yea I'd be all for it.

But that's the realm of what if's and dreams, and it's not very fair to contemplate. What would I do if he came on to me? Well, what would I do if Natalya Neidhart came on to me? It'd be extremely hard in either case to say no.

This is more about letting go of the idea of being with a certain someone, because they simply don't feel the same way you do. It's very painful and you wish it was different and maybe even torture yourself a little bit by dreaming that maybe there's something you can do to convince this other person, but really...there's not.

They will either come to it on their own, or they won't, and it looks so much more likely that they won't, so you have to adapt to that and move on.