how do i accept myself :S

[smish]

I know being gay isn’t even an issue nowadays. But for me it is. I still don’t feel normal. I can’t seem to accept myself for it. And until I can, how am I supposed to make my partner happy? How can I ever be happy? I know I love him. I know I want to be with him forever and I will continue to be the happiest when I am in his presence. But I don’t feel comfortable being gay. I know I am gay. I don’t fancy women. I never really have. I only find men attractive – that is the definition of being gay, which is what I obviously am. I am not homophobic. I have no problem saying my boyfriend is gay. But I don’t feel like I can call it myself. Apparently counselling will help me resolve my homophobic view of myself. But how? How can talking to a complete stranger (talking about what though?) help me accept myself? I really do believe that my lying to my mum about where I am going and what I am doing most days is the major cause of my depression and low moods. I know I need to accept myself for who I am. I know there is nothing wrong with being gay. No-one will treat me any differently (I don’t think so anyway?). The majority of my friends haven’t. Apart from the lads who apparently think I am going to pounce on them at any minute and who I now barely have contact with. I know being gay is normal. It isn’t something I should be ashamed to be. But how do I accept myself?

[pellaz]

i posted this link already but obviously i think its a good read:
http://motherjones.com/politics/2007/08/...l-identity

please come take the first step.

[marshlander]

I can't answer this question for you. It sounds like a Catch 22. You will accept yourself when you decide to. If your head really knows the things you say, your heart needs a chance to catch up.

I'm not a therapist, but I spent enough years in therapy to realise that talking to a dispassionate third party can help get things in perspective and can uncover roots to problems you didn't know were still growing and undermining your foundations.

You sound aware enough that your attitudes to yourself could unravel your relationship, which you seem to value. Sometimes it is really hard to do the work without outside help. Think about it, eh?

Oh, and hello and welcome to GaySpeak

[LateBloomer]

I know being gay isn’t even an issue nowadays. But for me it is. I still don’t feel normal. I can’t seem to accept myself for it. And until I can, how am I supposed to make my partner happy? How can I ever be happy? I know I love him. I know I want to be with him forever and I will continue to be the happiest when I am in his presence. But I don’t feel comfortable being gay. I know I am gay. I don’t fancy women. I never really have. I only find men attractive – that is the definition of being gay, which is what I obviously am. I am not homophobic. I have no problem saying my boyfriend is gay. But I don’t feel like I can call it myself. Apparently counselling will help me resolve my homophobic view of myself. But how? How can talking to a complete stranger (talking about what though?) help me accept myself? I really do believe that my lying to my mum about where I am going and what I am doing most days is the major cause of my depression and low moods. I know I need to accept myself for who I am. I know there is nothing wrong with being gay. No-one will treat me any differently (I don’t think so anyway?). The majority of my friends haven’t. Apart from the lads who apparently think I am going to pounce on them at any minute and who I now barely have contact with. I know being gay is normal. It isn’t something I should be ashamed to be. But how do I accept myself?

Lots of questions in there and I certainly don't have all the answers. But responding to your question about how can a stranger help you with your feelings, I'd answer by saying look at why you're HERE at GaySpeak, asking questions of strangers.

If you go to some sort of counseling, you get to ask some questions and the counselor will ask you some questions, maybe some you've never thought of before. They'll give you something to think about so that you can arrive at you own conclusion. They shouldn't give you the answers but help you to answer your questions.

Best of luck.

[smish]

I struggle talking to people about any of my feelings so I am unsure counselling would help - maybe if counsellors offered chat-style consultations similar to this it could prove helpful.

Do you possibly think telling my mum could help me accept it? I don't particularly think she would react badly to the news and am pretty sure she has probably questioned it herself due to me not bringing home any girlfriends. Maybe if she accepts me for it, I would be able to? I just don't know :S

[smish]

I'd answer by saying look at why you're HERE at GaySpeak, asking questions of strangers.

Very true, but this is all online and no-one can see me

[fenris]

For my opinion it is not problem for you if others are gay .... being gay is Ok but not perfect in your eyes... and you have to be perfect for yourself. Maybe it helps a bit if you try to be perfect gay man.
Give yourself enough time to accept yourself....

[LateBloomer]

I struggle talking to people about any of my feelings so I am unsure counselling would help - maybe if counsellors offered chat-style consultations similar to this it could prove helpful.

Do you possibly think telling my mum could help me accept it? I don't particularly think she would react badly to the news and am pretty sure she has probably questioned it herself due to me not bringing home any girlfriends. Maybe if she accepts me for it, I would be able to? I just don't know :S

To tell your mum would be an act requiring HUGE amounts of courage.

It might even seem impossible.

Impossible, until you finally get it off your chest and then when you're overwhelmed by relief you'll wonder why you thought it would be so hard.



If you think you can find the right time and place, tell your mum. But FIRST spend a little time on GaySpeak and read the stories of other people and how they came out.

Keep us posted, ok?

[SlipknotRlZZ]

So um...first off, you aren't gay, gay is just a label. You are yourself, and you like guys. And that's okay...

A good counselor wouldn't really try to HELP you accept yourself directly, he won't give you advice or anything. Through your talking to him and trying to be honest with yourself, he will guide you with questions and stuff, and he will try to make it so that you realize things for yourself. You know?
Don't worry. Don't think about it too hard, in time you WILL be able to accept it.

[Gpbi]

I think this video it may help you... watch it till the end!

http://www.thework.com/watch-being_gay.php