Too young/confused to come out..?

[SRT4847]

Hey all,

This is my first post on this site and I'm really glad I've been able to find a good gay forum!

This question has been on my mind for a while now, and I've often wanted an opinion of others whom have come out.

So far I have told my closest friends about my Bi/Homosexuality (I say this as I'm confused about how I feel towards girls, sometimes it feels like I legitimately am attracted to them on all levels, and other times, not so much) and only my cousin within my family.

The first close family member I intend to come out to at some point is either my sister or mother. My Mother is the main concern in this question. I highly doubt that she will react terribly to my actual sexuality, but I'm worried that If I tell her while I am sixteen/seventeen she won't take me too seriously and call it a "Phase".

I also worry about telling her as I am confused about my true sexuality and she might not take me seriously unless I tell her in "concrete" terms. I'm talking labels here. Homosexuality, Bisexuality, etc. My friends are understanding of my confusion but my family might not be.

Any advice? Should I wait until I'm older/less confused?

Thanks in advance

[pellaz]

depends on how close your are to your family, how understanding they are for lgbt issues?

your immediate family include your dad?
your mother is also a wife? good chance husband and wife dont keep too many secretes.

[SRT4847]

I'm quite close to my family, we get on very well, the odd argument but that's to be expected.

I feel a reluctance to tell my Dad before I've got another close family member to "Back me up". I do get on well with my Dad but sometimes he'll give the odd comment about how I should get out more and get a girlfriend. He seems to put a bit of emphasise on girlfriend in my opinion, though I have never seen him say anything against the LGBT community, I don't think he likes gay men who act stereotypically gay, which I don't, I'm just camp-like

My Mum is divorced from my Dad and they rarely speak, so I doubt she would tell him...

She's married again. My step-dad is nice, we get on well also. Don't know how he'd take it, We don't interact too much on a personal level.

My family has never said anything against LGBT, They haven't said anything positive either though. My Mum knows one of my girl friends has dated a girl, she only said "At that age?" I don't think she understands that people can discover themselves quite young. This adds to my "phase" worry. She also didn't seem too keen on two girls being together. Though I've heard (From classroom discussions) That alot of straight girls dont mind gay guys but don't like lesbians, so I thought it might of had been like that...

[pellaz]

" he'll give the odd comment about how I should get out more and get a girlfriend "

sooo
how many single gays do you know?

[dfiant]

If I was in your shoes, I would just go with the flow for the time being, tell people you are comfortable telling about the way you feel and your sexuality, let them know you are not sure and how you feel.

There are no hard and fast rules or ages which you should come out, there is just a place you reach within yourself where you feel you want people to know because you are ready to live your life as you are.

Don't put this added pressure on yourself to come out, you have other things that you have to deal with within yourself, so just take your time

[Inchante]

Have you considered telling your sister/mother the truth about how you are feeling at this moment. That you are questioning your sexuality, that you are unsure about things. I wouldn't give them the opportunity to try and persuade you either way. Tell them that it is something that other people cannot define for you, that you just want to make them aware of how and what you are feeling and that it is something you will have to discover on your own. Give them a status update, so to speak. Don't give them the concrete bisexual/homosexual/heterosexual identity, as you don't seem to know that for yourself yet. If nothing else, it will give them a chance to get used to the idea while you are figuring it out.

You never know how your family will react, but it doesn't sound like your mother would react all that negatively based on what you have said. There might be a chance that they already suspect this and are waiting for you to say something. Best of luck man. And remember that the only thing you can know for certain is yourself and bit by bit, year by year that knowledge will come to you, iterating its manifold nature in each new instant. There is a lifetime of this learning that we undertake.

[SRT4847]

Thank you all for the advice. I've decided to take it all at my own pace and not feel rushed into anything, I'm happy with that.

Thanks again

[zeon]

Hello there,
Firstly may i welcome you to the forum and secondly I was your age when I came out and I was lost and confused in a world which i thought didnt exist... l was scared admittedly to come out but the whole am I too young i didnt think about bedcause I was aware that I had realised my sexuality at 12 and taken me till i was 16 to accept it in myself... I think if the time is right for you mister and you want to be free then by all means come out... Be proud of what you are doing and make sure that you stick by your guns... lf people think your having a phase then tell then how long you known and felt this way and you dont beleive it is a phase... If you need more assistance dont feel scared to ask mister

Keep safe

zeon x

[TySlamma]

My advice would be for you to come to terms with your homosexuality completely and know for a fact that you are 100percent attracted to women, lesbian, before you come out to anyone, friends or family. Until your ready to say those words "I'm Gay" then I would hold off. Comming out insn't something you want to do over and over again and having that conversation, exspecially if you aren't ready, can be heart crushing and tramatic, for you and for your family. Right now live your life the way you want to live it and don't worry on if you are gay or not, if you are you will indeed know. It could be a phase, and being attracted to your cousin isn't much to go on either, and something that you may not be, only you can determine if you are or not. Just please wait to come out til your 100 percent sure, I wouldn't come out as bi either.