Well, to me it depends on its use and how negatively its being used. Frankly, these types of phrases have been around for awhile and I have become so used to hearing them, that I don't even realize how negative it is.
Like when I hear, "TA's are gay", I just chuckle think, 'I wish'. Its only really bad when its said to really offend that group. I have had experiences when I was younger when the word 'gay' had much more negative meaning in my mind. It was a time where I was bullied a lot (not for being gay since I wasn't out), but they would call me gay or queer just to try to get a rise out of me.
Frankly, derogitive terms are a part of life, and unfortunately they are part of free speech. I don't even bat an eye when I hear it anymore.
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I'll try something. The next time one of my straight mates says "(whatever) is so GAY", I'll turn around and tell them that that kind of ignorant CRAP has caused not just me in the past, but countless closeted homosexuals in their day NO END of misery and damage to their self-esteem, and see if I can get them to acknowledge that it's a stupid and crap thing to say ...
The longest journey begins with a single step, after all  mile:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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This is what bothers me about this.....
All the comments here from people who say, "most peole don't even mean to be offensive when they say it"....THAT is the worse kind of ignorance. Parroting things without any idea of who or what you may be offending.
This is why you only here this word used by young people in this way...because they have yet to learn or really understand that their actions can affect others whether they mean it or not.
So soon we'll have gay men and women, their family and freinds, listening to an entire generation of ignorant young people saying "dude that's sooooooo gay." While any time these young people hear someone say they are gay they'll laugh and smirk and nudge their freind and say, "Dude, he's sooooo gay!"
That's some progress. I've spent too many years finding myself, helping my family, helping hundreds of young gay men and women find pride in themselves to have an entire generation of young people mock their entire existence.....and without even thinkng about it. And worse, be joined in by young gays who can't understand yet the harm they may be doing to others.
This conversation amazes me. While meaning to offend is worse, it is usually specific and can be readily addressed. Mass ignorance in offending is still offensive.
"Everyone in the south talks to blacks like that, it's not my fault....." Free speach doesn't make something right or that it should not be addressed....and being ignorant, while not a crime, should damn well be. This is such a no brainer. Using an entire group of people as the butt of some "lame" joke....Defended by those being put down...
Sorry, this conversation freaks me out in it's simplemindedness.
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... and if you want to gauge the importance of a word, just whack "not" into a sentence and see how it can change things  .
Not just the obvious ones, but even the subtle ones ... like ...
"I'm not really bothered" -v- "I'm really not bothered". Same words, different order, different emphasis, subtly different meaning.
"Gay" does not equal "crap", and so the more people misuse and swap the two over, the more this illusion is engendered.
Sorry - I know we've been back and forth over this topic a dozen times already, but I'm still a big high on caffeine so I needed to say that :biggrin:.
Night all xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Like I entioned to you already,
this reminds me of the new trend here in the states of people hanging nooses in or around where black people hang out. The outrage this caused was also answered with the same kinds of comments.....
"it's only a joke, it doesn't mean anything." Being ignorant of the cost or toll our actions take on others doesn't obsolve us from responsibility.
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In my opinion it is all about putting minorities in their place. People who use ANY derogatory term know what they are doing consciously or unconsciously. They are racist/sexist/bigots and there is little to change them! Lord only knows what they say behind your back...
I am on another forum that lists freebies, good deals, and off topic chats. It is mostly white women. There was a discussion about a tv personality using the word nigger in a taped phone call. The son of this personality taped the call because his father was speaking about his black girlfriend.
This tv personality (Dog) apologized but his show was still removed. Someone posted a poll asking if his show should have been removed so I posted "Of course - Yes". I was in the minority. Shockingly many said that they would never use that word in public but they used it in private all the time. They were proud to admit to using the nigger word all the time in private and it was fine to them and then they said they thought most people used those words regularly in private.
I posted that I disagreed and that I never used words like that in private or public because it was completely wrong and must be stopped.
If you arent aware of what a bigotted world we live in youre living in a dream world. Yeah it is changing in ever so small steps but nowhere near as fast as it should for intelligent human beings - I guess that is where the problem lies.
best of luck,
frank
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Moving slightly off-topic, but for one post I don't think it's hugely relevant ... I was talking with one of my two best mates the other day, because his girlfriend came up to me and started to ask me some rather pointed questions that immediately told me that he'd outed me to her (which I don't have a problem with, but I wish he would tell me when he does as I don't like feeling on the backfoot).
I confronted him about it, and he said "she asked whether you had a girlfriend, so I said no ... he has a friend ... called Martyn".
I almost decapitated him !!
A "friend" ?? Because of course saying that I had a BOYfriend would be thoroughly inappropriate ... what a dick !!
Anyhow - the reason I brought that up is because I think it does echo a bit what fjp999 was saying ... namely that more often than not people do know what effect their words are having - they just choose to feign ignorance of it.
People eh !!
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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It's definately easier that way.....
"That's not what I meant.....How could you think that?" If they truely are that ignorant, that's possibly even worse.
But again, I think this is why this topic has such a generational slant and why the use of the word "gay" in this way is only used by young people. Children and teens, for the most part see the world in a very one dimensional way with themselves at the center and everything that relates compared to how "they see it".
The older you get, the more life you experience and learn,. your perceptions broaden and you learn to see yourself as part of a much larger picture. A picture where your actions, meant or not, can have repercutions outside your personal sphere.
We've all been there. We all thought our parents or adults around us where stupid, out of touch, had no clue of what was "really going on today", while our parents rolled their eyes and waited us out. As we all know, they were right, and at some point in our lives we have to admit to ourselves we acted like little idiots. The worlds oldest story but one that takes time to play out.
This topic, unfortunately, has the potential to create a backlash on young people, create fear or violence for others and undo a lot of/some the progress made in the last 20 years. Exactly because it's used only by young people, most heterosexual adults will let it slide ...
Whatever. It's just such a no brainer to me. Re-enforcing the idea that an entire group of people, any group of people, is "crap" should be wrong in anyones book.
To pretend that it does not is naive and ignorant.
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Your response is excellent. Youve got a talent for timing.
I agree though. People start using 'gay' for 'bad' in the school playground. Before they even have a concept of homosexuality. It becomes habit. The meaning of the word changes.
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To be honest, I've used the word 'gay' as a bad thing before so in the long run, no it doesn't bother me. When it's used to target that sexuality, that's when it does bother me.
For example, 'This is so gay; I wanna go home now' to me is fine, but 'look at that gay bender ewww' isn't.
Bob
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