Worst thing in the world.

[OrphanPip]

I think Prince's question on the first page is perfectly valid. You committed an act of sexual violence against a child, it is confusing that you would come here and expect some sort of understanding. It is not exactly comparable to stealing bread to feed your family. The pertinent question is whether you should actually expect forgiveness or understanding. Frankly, all I care about is that you do not harm any other children. You should feel guilty, your children should hate you, and so there is not much to say.

Guilt is healthy sometimes, the notion of absolving guilt when an actual wrong has been committed seems an exercise in delusion.

[princealbertofb]

Saved Gay has managed to twist everybody's words here.... Interesting. Sad but interesting. He seems to hate himself so much that he can't even see when someone has tried to lend him a sympathetic ear. No, I don't understand what made him blow his son, but I can only think that his error of judgement is linked to the other error of judgement that it is a sin to have gay sex... It all comes falling down like a pack of cards.
My thinking was that had he allowed himself to live a healthy relationship with another man, he'd have found the peace of mind that he's never really found. He tells us God loves him and has forgiven him, but he can't even forgive himself. Hardly an example that I'd want to follow.

[princealbertofb]

OK. I've had time to calm down from the Westboro Baptist Church broadside I received from you hypocrits. I see now what the real problem here is, I am a hated Christian. You haters here (and I am only talking to the ones that spewed their venom, not the ones that acknowledged that i did something terrible and need help but werent hateful about it) picked out a few things that I said on here and paid no attention to the whole picture. I'm old and not very eloquent but I'll do my best to present the whole picture one last time and then I will soil your doorstep no longer.

In 1982, during a time in my life when I was having mental problems for reasons that are none of your business, I succumbed to temptation and did something terrible. Over a three month period, I gave my 13 year old son 5 blowjobs. Yes, it was a horrible thing for a father to do, I acknowledge that. I carry the guilt of it in my heart every minute of everyday. I tried to commit suicide 5 times too, nearly succeeding twice. Once in a coma for a time. I spent many months in 3 different psychiatiric hospitals. 3 psychiatrists and two therapists did no good. Psychiatrists only wanted to prescribe drugs (one had the audacity to say that he didnt see the problem since my son was a teenager - this doctor was a complete fool) and the therapists only wanted me to read books and do homework like being in school. None wanted to really listen and advise. They were just bureaucrats.

Finally, (and here's my biggest sin according to you atheists here) I "found" Jesus. He listened. He didnt say it was alright. He just told me I was forgiven. I still had to pay the earthly price for my sin, which I did when my son told his wife, who told my daughters and my grandchildren and now I am ostracized from my own family. I deserve much worse. I know I am a child molestor. I've never attenpted to do anything like that in my life either before the incidents nor since. But, I am not cured. I dont believe there is a cure for child molestors. It can only be controlled by faith in Jesus.

If my Christianity bothers you atheists, then so be it, that's your problem not mine. Why did I confess my crime on here? I dont know. I dont equate gay with child molesting. I know better than that. I guess I just thought that gay people were better about understanding things than straights. All I ever see out of straight people seems to be intoloerance and hate. I expected to be chastised by some here for what I confessed. I just didnt expect the hate. I think if I said I had killed a straight man and had never brought up my religion I wouldnt have gotten the responses I got here. I could go on and on but I know nothing I say is going to make any difference. You wil sit on your high throne of judgement and spew your hate and vile as you have already. Fortunately, there was one person here, a 15 year old transgender boy that has probably experienced more hate than he should have, that was willing to talk to me and actually listen and offer me counseling. Says a lot for the gay community here. PrinceAlbert, Azulai, matty7, and whoever else...go back to your hypocracy and hate for Christians. I've said all I am going to say to the likes of you.

I never said I hated you, neither for your beliefs nor for what you've done. Too late to change anything anyway, and I certainly have no power to do anything either to bring your son back to you, or to make you feel better about yourself. I don't find much room in my heart or my life for hatred, but I will walk away from anyone who doesn't want my compassion or my love, or anyone who reviles me needlessly. Self preservation.

I may have expressed shock at what you've done, but it was more a state of incomprehension. I expressed incomprehension and curiosity because following a set of values that is commonly shared, I think it would be far better to commit fellatio (if that's what you craved) with a consenting adult than with a young teenager, let alone with one's own child. What you did crossed two taboos of society. I don't understand what came over you, even though I hear that you were having mental issues. If I follow your religious reasoning too, you condemned your own thirteen year old child by molesting him? How can he be saved in the Rapture after the age of seven?

I can only guess that this behaviour was induced, not by the devil, as you say, but by some form of education that completely missed the point, and failed to show you that healthy adult relationships exist between members of the same sex, just as they exist between members of the opposite sex, fortunately.

It seems to me that you hate yourself more than I could be bothered to 'hate you', if that's what you really think I expressed. I expressed concern, not hate. I expressed disbelief, not hypocrisy. I would be happier if you didn't think you needed to call me rude names and curse me (especially after blessing us all in another thread - let's try to be consistent here!) and if you could really be happy about Jesus saving your soul and being the light of your life. I'm sure you are paying much too harshly, with solitude and rejection, for what happened a long time ago now. All you have left is grief and nostalgia for a time that was happier, maybe.

Despite, what you think, I would bless you, if it meant anything. As I said, I can forgive you, but it won't bring you your son's forgiveness. If God and Jesus's forgiveness is enough for you now, may you go in peace. I may not understand you, but I don't hate you. Farewell.

[Zophia]

I really wasn't expecting this. My heart kind of dropped to my stomach.

You can rage at people for not being compassionate. You can hate them and bad mouth them. But how did you expect people to react when they hear that you harmed a child in such a way? Are you not in touch with the gravity of the crime? I would say the way they are reacting is healthy. You should understand that. They have never met your son but they feel for what he has been through by your hands.

You Westboro Church guys here dont want to hear anything other than what YOU want to yell with hatred.

Westboro baptists preach hatred against homosexuality, not the crime of child molestation. There is a big difference between the two.

I came here and made my confession hoping that someone here, unlike the "straight" community would talk to me and, not absolve me but just listen.

The way I read that, it came across to me like you felt we would be more compassionate, since in your eyes we are also "sexual deviants." Is this an accurate portrayal of what you meant to say? If so, it is rather insulting.

My God forgave me. All I've been trying to get across to you hatemongering atheists

I don't hate anyone. Not even you. It's a personality flaw of mine that I just can't reconcile. But I try to be honest. And maybe right now what you need is a bit of honesty. I think things are out of perspective for you.

is that He loves gays the same as anyone else and that, yes, gay activity is a sin but then so is stealing a pack of chewing gum from the store.

No. It isn't wrong. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It never will be.

I really dont give a shit about any of you anymore, with the exception of slipknot. You can spread your hate and deceit all you want and answer for it in the end. I'm really sorry that I thought gays were better than straights. Now you can just go to hell for all I care.

You ought to judge people on their individual merits. Grouping people together and believing they are one way or another doesn't often work.

As for the rest, those were some pretty hateful words.

[Zophia]

Many of here will agree with me that it is the right thing to do. Rid the world of one sick pedophile. I've worked a lot of suicides and always feared doing it with a gun but I now have the strength to do it right. I'm sorry I caused so much strife here on your forum.

Suicide isn't the answer. It merely puts more pain on people who are already hurt from your past behavior. Your goal should be to make amends, not to give up. Even if your own children will not accept you, you can still make a positive impact on the world. Make that your penance and your purpose. Killing yourself is a terrible idea, and it doesn't solve anything, just creates more problems for the people left behind.

[Drew]

WTF? Wow....I have nothing to say about this thread other than it's totally f*cked up.

Can we get back to silly word games and telling coming-of-age high schoool kids that It Gets Better?

[Drew]

Okay, that came out wrong........

I think many others have put things much more eloquently than I could, mostly because this a subject I'd rather not wrap my head around (thus the cutesy comment above).

I just pray for peace of heart for this man's son and that he can find a way of letting go of the hurt. I wholeheartedly agree with Zophia that suicide isn't an appropriate response - that's not redemption or absolution. But "doing homework" and working through the guilt and self-hatred and transforming it into some positive action is much more helpful. What that might include, I'm not sure - perhaps others can suggestion some options. Only the person guilty of the transgression can ultimately know what that is.

As Keith Olbermann says, goodnight, and good luck.

[Marvinteck]

Suicide isn't the answer. It merely puts more pain on people who are already hurt from your past behavior. Your goal should be to make amends, not to give up. Even if your own children will not accept you, you can still make a positive impact on the world. Make that your penance and your purpose. Killing yourself is a terrible idea, and it doesn't solve anything, just creates more problems for the people left behind.

Savedgay I agree with Zophia. Suicide is just going to cause even more hurt, anger and problems for the people that you are leaving behind. Do you really want to be remembered by people as the bisexual born again christian who abused his son years ago then killed himself because he didn't trust in god enough to get him through the dark times. Think long and hard before you make your decision. Once you pull that trigger there is no second chance to make things right with your family. I can guarantee you that your family will never ever forgive you if you do decide to kill yourself. You say you love your family dearly so prove it by not putting them through another round of hell just so you can feel better.

[ManicReptile21]

no no no savedgay. i think you just have simply encountered too much negativity. listen- i took my time reading thorugh this entire thread very carefully. im gonna throw religion aside and get down to the facts. why have you come here as a last cry for help? you feel guilty that your son has shut you out of your family? thats it right? after what you did to him. you understand what you did was wrong. it makes you want to die. sounds like a shattered heart to me. you need his forgiveness. not ours. also. you have to forgive yourself. you will suffer the consiquences only. but you didnt murder the damn kid. yes you placed a heavy burden on him, and you may have altered his perspective on humanity- for better or for worse. but in time he will forgive you- because he will eventually come to understand that he was asked, he agreed, he screwed himself partially. and he will have to blame his ignorance and perverted childlike behavior. much like a teenage father has to forgive himself for his childish descision. you cant kill yourself now. what? you lived till your 60s- endured it all- to take a shit and die? im sure you love yourself a tad much to let it end in such a medicore and overatted way. die with some diginity and a heart of stone. the world will be cold to you. many will hate you on the spot. but you arent the only one. pedo vs a serial killer that killed 7 little girls- you'd look like a god. you havent commited the worse crime- and death will not save you from your soul. live with your lessons learned, become a better man, and let time do its job. he will love you again- when he realizes he only has one life, and you gave that life to him. dont deprive him of that day he runs to you with open arms, hoping you two can put the past away. don't steal away from your son his only father!!!

[dfiant]

I still stand by my original comments, I don't mix my words and I just said it as I felt it. 100% of my sympathy and empathy goes to victims, so I don't have any left for perpetrators.

Those who commit sexual crimes are selfish, all they worry about is being caught, and if they are caught, all they worry about is absolution. The victim isn't afforded the same luxury and they carry a burden upon their shoulders for the rest of their life due to absolutely no fault of their own.

I take nothing back as the language that has been used in this thread has been vile and goes against the grain of the good nature of this forum and the people who generally frequent it. I only felt the need to originally comment and express myself after I saw some very very decent people who I have learned to respect in GaySpeak being attacked violently for nothing.

I also think it is disgusting to bring other peoples religious beliefs up in conversation and insinuate as has been insinuated, that those of no religious beliefs are not fit to have an opinion.

What I take from this discussion is there is absolutely no absolution on your behalf SavedGay, you have merely found god and hidden behind that. You need not confess your indiscressions on a internet forum or to God, or run away from your indiscressions with suicide....you NEED to face the music and be punished for your crimes and seek couselling and all that goes with it...including medication. You quiet clearly have serious issues to react the way you have here.

EDIT: And if having no desire to disclose my religious beliefs or enter into a religious debate in a discussion where relgion has absolutely no bearing makes me a hypocrite, then I am an extremely proud hypocrite, even though evidently the hypocracy doesn't fall in my lap.