Major advise needed

[marshlander]

its not that im trying to gossip or meddle i just want him to be happy... so basically i should just sit back and do nothing until he mentions it again?

Coming out is a weird process. We spend our whole lives with the expectations of others that everything will fall into the same patterns for us as it does for them. Sometimes it takes long time for the truth to dawn on us that things will never be the same as we have grown up to expect.

The initial coming out conversations with close friends are often attempts to try out a new vocabulary and to test the water. It's a nerve jangling time.

I would say that is pretty much what you do unless you are alone and you can ask the occasional non-committal, "How's it going?" or something.

[Drew]

Continue being the same awesome friend you've always been to him - nothing has changed about him other than he's revealing a new dimension of himself. As others have said, don't pressure him to tell anyone else until he's ready, even if you think it'll be a positive thing. Have a sympathetic ear and just be there when he needs you.

Thanks for being a straight ally! I'm sure he really appreaciates it.

[kel24]

okay thanks can i ask yall about my reaction too? i of course was accepting when he told me but i went into question mode. like how long have you felt this way? what do you think your parents will say? etc and i told him to talk his family member who also recently came out. should i have asked questions and given him advise then. i honestly was in shock and was just rambling. he answered my questions but could tell he was shy about it. i feel bad now.

[LateBloomer]

ok thank yall so much! i really had no idea what the right thing to do but ill just go on with life until he needs me again

Just listen to him.

Let him steer the rest of the conversation.

Good friends know when to speak up and when to listen.

People need to listen more.

Good luck to you and your friend.

[colinmackay]

okay thanks can i ask yall about my reaction too? i of course was accepting when he told me but i went into question mode. like how long have you felt this way? what do you think your parents will say? etc and i told him to talk his family member who also recently came out. should i have asked questions and given him advise then. i honestly was in shock and was just rambling. he answered my questions but could tell he was shy about it. i feel bad now.

Like I said, I got a range of reactions. Everyone is different. If you are the first he may not be expecting that just yet. I got a person that babbled all the way along to the person that simply asked "And?"

Don't feel bad about it. At some level he will have not really know how you would take it. You say that you've supported LGBT rights already (and presumably he knew that) so he'll have realised that all your questions will have been coming from a positive angle (some questions can be taken in many different ways depending on the perception of the person asking them)

The important thing to remember is that he may not have figured everything out for himself yet - I know that was certainly true for me. (For me, personally, I couldn't dream of starting dating until I was out because it would have seemed like a fraud) so when my mum started asking questions about if I had a boyfriend yet and so on I couldn't really give a great answer.

[jbrowder24]

You mention another friend... ask him about it. Say, "You and ___ are close. Does she know? Or are you going to tell her?" And if he answers no or otherwise avoids answering, don't pressure it. Don't meddle, but it's okay to ask.

I actually first came out to a female friend at the same age, that I was confused. She accepted it well, but never talked with me about it. I am glad she didn't tell others, but I honestly wish she'd talked with me a little more and helped me feel more okay about it. But she probably didn't know what to say or do, and it just got ignored until I was sure I was gay and officially came out a couple years later. (Yes, it can be a process to feel comfortable).

If you don't think it'd be too awkward - as he could end up reading your posts - feel free to point him in this direction. If he has questions, we'd be glad to help

[pellaz]

a gay boy can relate better to straight female friends.

he might as you relationship questions and straight gay or bi all this is mostly the same. its correct to ask him out to dinner and the good is he wont want to go home with you afterwards.

[zeon]

Hello there,
The best thing to do is await until he brings it up in conversation and of course as you get confident with the subject explain to him about things in life... Even better why not give him this forum address to burden some pressure from yourself.. Being gay isnt always easy especially in some areas of the world where it is a death sentence.... If he wants to come out but hasnt maybe talk to him about that and explain to him your going to be beside him offering morale support to help make life easier

Kindest regards

zeon x

[marshlander]

okay thanks can i ask yall about my reaction too? i of course was accepting when he told me but i went into question mode. like how long have you felt this way? what do you think your parents will say? etc and i told him to talk his family member who also recently came out. should i have asked questions and given him advise then. i honestly was in shock and was just rambling. he answered my questions but could tell he was shy about it. i feel bad now.

You don't need to feel bad and it probably doesn't help anything. The questions you asked are perfectly understandable. I was surprised at some of the questions I was asked when I came out. Some were merely prurient but strangely I learned a lot about my friends then - in some cases much more than I ever thought I would ever need to know :eek:

Questions are okay, specially if asked at an appropriate time. Just learn to deal with whatever you get for an answer, including, on some occasions, silence.

[Drew]

Yeah, your reaction was totally fine and understandable. Questions are a good thing - they show a genuine curiousity to get to know his feelings a bit better. Just be sensitive (don't joke around about this stuff right now; sounds like he doesn't have his feet firmly set about the whole thing just yet so even lightly poking fun, even if meant in a good-natured kind of way, can send him back into his shell).

But it sounds like you're doing great so far! He's lucky to have a good friend like you.