Ex - Friends?

[adzie]

Hey guys....

My last visit here was a few years ago with an ex. However, I moved on and for the past 8 months I had been with another person, the usual stuff that happens in relationships etc.

Anyway, the last few weeks in the relationship, things just went down hill, kept argueing and we both started to drift apart; mostly me.

Well, I did the correct thing and I ended the relationship as not to cause any futher issues. He wants to be friends, I want to be friends. However, I see on Facebook that he's been adding the local slags (He isn't on the scene, only ever went to a gay club once when together and he hated it). I know what these guys are like and what they're after so it really hurts to see it all as all I want to do is protect him. So, last night it got me really down and I removed him on Facebook... An hour later at 3am I get a few texts which I ignore and then a voice mail with him crying saying he doesn't understand what's going on.

I just feel like I'm hurting him, but I want to just forget and move on. Life is a huge cluster fuck at the moment, as I have been making friends and now a 'friend' really likes me, and to be honest I think I like him. But he knows I'm not ready for a relationship.

I'm not too sure what I'm getting at now, I'm just letting my mind go free lol. But, am I being a cunt? =[

x

[pellaz]

the gay community is small so not usually in your best interests to completely diss your X.

talk to him, tell him yours and his FB thing as you see it. my current partner, initially after 6mo we broke up, stayed apart for about 6 months. now i feel it was just wasted time. ultimately i called him on another matter and we wound up in bed. the next morning i told him i was interested in just being friends and he punched me in the face, kinda hard. i dont condone this but a little background; i have like twice is body strength. i did not react.
-relationship is where both boys put the couples needs above your own personal aspirations.
-i feel the time i spent bitching is just wasted time in my life and we both would be better kissing.
-he adds a lot to my life now (times are not necessarily good for me either) and i made a mistake to let him go before. i find this helps; 1)if one of us goes off to bed in the other room the other can ask him back and he has to go back, 2)if an argument and we are both mad as hell if one wears a green shirt the other has to make up too.

anyways good luck to both of you(s).

[marshlander]

If it really was "the correct thing" to end the relationship, why do you seem to be hanging on? Haven't we been here before?

Nice to see you again. Hope you are well, adzie.

[Almac]

When a relationship is dead it's the best thing for the both of you is to move on, life's far too short to hang onto relationship that's going nowhere.

[pellaz]

its nice and easy to dismiss and move on, in my current relationship i dont think i would go another time, third round. for now i am glad for my physical restraint. the second time we have had arguments that were bad but the second time around we just seem to work thing out.

i dated a couple of boys in-between our breakup but things just felt better in the initial relationship. feel confidant i could find another lover.

so just treat him well as friend.
everyone wants to see the positive; to extend this onto themselves. so i would not like to see you guys break up/

[azulai]

Hi, adzie. Welcome back.

I do think some bfs can and do remain friends. I personally think it's better for the emotional health of both individuals, but there are times that it is not feasible and then it is best to cut it. Having said that, it does appear from your words and actions that there is still some emotional attachment on both your parts, and maybe there is need of more closure?

The value of a loyal and trusted friend is immeasurable. Maybe now that your ex has been out there by himself meeting "slags," this is all too apparent to him? Maybe he sees how you were honest about the relationship and ended it honorably? Maybe he recalls moments of your support in the past?

Since you feel it is healthier for you to move on -- just out of respect for what once was and for your own mental health/closure, maybe you should consider sending him an email? The fact that you are asking:

...am I being a cunt?

tells me this has upset your heart. So, rather than just stopping all communication, it might sit better with you to at least answer him. I think you did the right thing by removing him on facebook because it was upsetting you. But, it might be better to explain to him that while you care for him greatly as a friend, you are working on figuring some things out and need some "quiet" time free from the distractions of the past. IDK, maybe explain that it's a moment in your life that you need to work on yourself and your needs. That it doesn't mean you can't one day go out for a beer and catch up but for the moment you need to catch your breath. I would not mention to him your feelings of protection because if he called you crying, he is still very emotionally attached to you, and this may give him false hope.

This way, when/if you see him out on an occasion, you can still go over and talk; you can give him that hug, you know? There's none of the avoidance drama. Also, he will know where you stand and hopefully respect the boundaries you've drawn.

This is just my recommendation, and as with any advice you need to consider its value/relevance. I'm just throwing my thoughts out there. I hope things settle down for you. I wish you happiness and peace.

[Sonikku]

Follow your gut instinct, not your logical thinking. You have to live with yourself, and if you can't because of a decision, it's the wrong one.

Some people can remain friends after a relationship, others have to break it all off. It depends on the folks, the situation, etc.

If you find yourself thinking and agonizing over his actions every waking moment because you're still friends, you made the wrong choice, perhaps.

Speaking from experience. But you'll have to make your own on this, none of our advice will mean much without have the experience of knowing how it feels with your decision. Just how it is.

[dfiant]

I can understand why you are concerned after a long history with this guy, BUT ultimately it is his life and they are his mistakes to make, let him make mistakes (Plenty of us have make the mistake that you ex is about to make, everything worked out for us )...some people (MOST) learn better from experience that listening to someone elses bad experiences.

[adzie]

Hey guys.

Thanks for your replies. Well... I'm still talking to him, as friends. It is clear we both have feelings for eachother, but I think it maybe more the fact that I miss him and he, very much misses me.

I think, like most relationships time shall be a healer with this. But for the moment, if I was to see him it would be awkward, but I'm sure he's be upset too.

As for Facebook (Causes more issues than the worlds itself to be honest lol) I have him back on it. Sometimes it's a talking point.

[adzie]

It's been a while now, and it's been very upsetting.

However, the past few days we've been talking. I met him after work, he agreed to dump this 'rebound'. I went over his house, comforted him etc. And yesterday, he came over mine. We spent the day together and it was really enjoyable. He was happy, and I was happy.

However, now all of the sudden, after getting my hopes up and I've got into a false sense of security, he's told me he doesn't want to speak to me, or see me for a few weeks as he needs to 'clear his head'. Like... He's made me so fucking ill it's unreal. I've stopped eating, I cry myself to sleep every night... I ditch work because I'm too upset. And now the thought of suicide is occuring, except this time I'm actually sure I'm going to go through with it.

Why is he being such a cunt to me? =[