Mentally and emotionally unhealthy.

[zanathos]

I've been liking this person since last year. At first it was just a very minor crush, but as time passes, he and I gotten to become very good friends and I like him even more. We do everything together in uni. I wouldn't have fallen deeply for him if he is shows a typically straight vibe around him, but he keeps on giving all these... signals. He might be joking but to me, somehow, it felt real and I always feel happy when he says he misses me. Whenever I joke around and say that I hate him, he would always tell me how much I love him, which would always bring a smile to my face. But the point is, I have no idea of his sexuality nor does he have any idea of mine.

I don't lie to him though. Whenever he asks me which girl would I bang I would act uninterested, which is indeed true... But he does this quite rarely. He is currently downloading those japanese games called Eroge, which is a dating simulation but with uncensored sex scene. So, I think he really do have interest in females. Sometimes I find him pretending to be straight, because the way he talks about girls is just forceful. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I like him too much that I am becoming delusional, wanting him to at least be bisexual. I don't know. If he was entirely straight, then he would feel disgusted, or at least defensive when I say I miss him or stuffs like that. He don't, that is why this is getting harder for me.

At times, especially when I don't see him for the day, I'll start feeling like total crap and miss him a lot. It is becoming really unhealthy for me. I am always upset over him. I know we aren't in a relationship and there is no obligation for us to see each other everyday. Heck, even if we are in one I don't even think there is any obligation for us to see one another everyday. It is just my insecurity feeding me on unnecessary thoughts, like how he is going to enjoy himself with his new housemates than me, or stuff like that. It is always at times like this I would just imagine myself telling him about how I feel, but I just don't find the courage to tell him that. Being gay isn't really well accepted in my country, but, I know he isn't homophobic. Maybe that is why he don't feel anything when I say I miss him a lot.

I just don't know what to do. Personally I feel that this is really becoming very unhealthy for me. I am becoming rather paranoid, increased insecurity and being upset suddenly. I am confused as to what I should do. Sigh, I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, but I don't want myself to fall deeper into this. It is going to be hard for me to get out. I am already in a position where I think about him before I sleep and when I wake up. Falling even deeper would seriously hurt me if I find out that he has totally no interest in guys or cutting me out as a friend. The latter would be least likely to happen though. I'm just ranting. I'm emotionally tired and sometimes I just have slight suicidal tendencies.

[LateBloomer]

First, welcome.



Second, that all sounds horribly familiar to me. I had a huge crush on a straight friend in college (a story I've already told elsewhere on this site). Anyway, yeah, I felt like I was going crazy, I was horribly jealous of his other friends/roommates, and yes, I even felt slightly suicidal myself (I just wanted to wake up dead).

Heh...

Today, he's married with two boys and I consider him a good friend, hopefully a good friend for life.

Eventually, you'll have to tell him how you feel or at LEAST find out if he's interested in you or not. If you don't communicate on that level, then you'll have to learn to live with the ambiguity of your relationship.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out for the benefit of others in the same situation.

[ToddYoung]

When I finally told my straight friend I was gay he punched me in the face. This was after five years or so of loving him at school and for a few years afterwards.

He told me later that he always really knew, and I kept loving him, which was stupid.

All I'd say is, find out how he feels. And if he isn't interested, stop being interested in him. All you're going to do is hurt yourself.

If you can remain friends, great. If you can't, move on.

[LateBloomer]

When I finally told my straight friend I was gay he punched me in the face. This was after five years or so of loving him at school and for a few years afterwards.

He told me later that he always really knew, and I kept loving him, which was stupid.

All I'd say is, find out how he feels. And if he isn't interested, stop being interested in him. All you're going to do is hurt yourself.

If you can remain friends, great. If you can't, move on.

Holy CRAP!

I'm so sorry to hear this story. Damn it why are people like that?

Good advice though, I hope someone can learn from it.

[zanathos]

A punch on the face? ._. oh my. That is just plain cruel.
I don't know. There are times when I want to tell him, there are times I don't wanna tell him. It is just hard to come out to him.

[pellaz]

... I don't lie to him though. Whenever he asks me which girl would I bang I would act uninterested, which is indeed true ...

i cant see how you are being at all truthful about this. i am not saying you should out your self to him and maybe he already knows you are gay. i am just saying at least be realistic with your self.

never fall in love with a straight boy.

move on, find a proper date, the only way out.

[Rainbowmum]

When I finally told my straight friend I was gay he punched me in the face. This was after five years or so of loving him at school and for a few years afterwards.

He told me later that he always really knew, and I kept loving him, which was stupid.

All I'd say is, find out how he feels. And if he isn't interested, stop being interested in him. All you're going to do is hurt yourself.

If you can remain friends, great. If you can't, move on.

That is awful, I am so sorry that happened to you. (hugs)

[zanathos]

i cant see how you are being at all truthful about this. i am not saying you should out your self to him and maybe he already knows you are gay. i am just saying at least be realistic with your self.

never fall in love with a straight boy.

move on, find a proper date, the only way out.

I once fallen for a straight person but he was easy to give up, because I really saw nothing in our future. The way he talks about girls is enough for me to give up on him, and the way he treats me isn't very nice also. I told myself that I deserve a better treatment than this.

Hm... I'm still not entirely convinced that he is entirely straight due to a couple of reasons, and I wouldn't fall for a typical straight guy which only talk about whatever they think is manly or straight or whatever shit is going on in their mind. I have no idea how he made me fall for him so deeply. Maybe it's because he somehow in his way cares for me. Well, it's just assuming. I guess telling him would be the easiest way to know and for me to move on if he isn't interested.

[pellaz]

When I finally told my straight friend I was gay he punched me in the face.

just addressing the physical reaction; its sometimes different for guys. i can speak for myself that i don't condone this but it might happen and i think the recipient can choose to ignore it. i am talking about a normal situation, not talking about repetitive abuse.

after you do something like this it leaves a scar on the relationship.

in a relationship often you have one time options like this. for example leave the relationship once, come back in 6mo but try this a second time and your generally not coming back.

[Jay]

i cant see how you are being at all truthful about this. i am not saying you should out your self to him and maybe he already knows you are gay. i am just saying at least be realistic with your self.

never fall in love with a straight boy.

move on, find a proper date, the only way out.

I concur.

My first crush was to a straight guy who I thought was gay. He was my dream guy.

Y'know how people say that the first crush is the hardest to forget. It's true.

There's only one way to find out whether your guy is gay or straight. You have to come clean to him by coming out. I know that coming out can be nerve wrecking but that's the only way to find out. You will emotionally suffer if you continue to question his sexuality, your relationship with him etc.