Another questioning sexuality thread, but with a twist

[BinarySurfer]

Usually, when someone makes a thread questioning their sexuality, they felt that they were straight and now circumstances changed their option to different possibilities. In this case, it is the complete opposite. I thought I was gay my entire life, since I was 6 years old.

I have had a couple casual sexual encounters. Mentally, I was totally for it and in the heat of the moment, it seemed that my other half felt otherwise. It cannot maintain attention for more than five minutes before losing interest and relaxing. I don't know what to think. Girls are not interesting in the least, but shirtless guys always get double takes. No, I have not been with a girl, nor do I have any interest or curiosity to explore that avenue. I am 22 years old, not 80, but maybe I should resort to viagra, LOL.

[LateBloomer]

I could type more but short on time...

Could just be a case of nerves (like "stage fright").

Sex takes practice. And when you practice with the same person you two get comfortable with each other, sometimes to the point where it might be difficult to be with another person.

Your biggest sex organ is in your head.


Good luck.

[pellaz]

...I was gay my entire life, since I was 6 years old ... Mentally, I was totally for it and in the heat of the moment, it seemed that my other half felt otherwise ... I am 22 years old, not 80, but maybe I should resort to viagra.

you more open with your sexuality in your life now but dont be surprised your brain dosnt want to immediately change. gays have been hiding/ denial so long it hard to avoid being asexual.

take time to de compress from work school demands. find another engineering student with the same life style. you are running, bike or the gym or something?

[Drew]

I sometimes have this problem having sex with a partner. It's usually because I fly solo, so to speak, most of the time, so my brain (and genitalia) aren't used to it when it does happen. I've noticed when I do get with a guy more than once, it gets easier with each session and the sex is better each time as I get used to him. It's one of the main reasons I want a boyfriend so I can have regular, relaxed-state-of-mind sex that lasts and lasts.

Good luck!

[BobInTampa]

It's called performance anxiety and common among men of ALL ages and sexual orientations. This stems from one of 3 places:
1) You've not really given yourself PERMISSION to enjoy sex yet (due to family, social, religious, etc. upbringin), or
2) Fear of disease: while your body wants to engage in sex, your subconscious is protecting you from potential STD infection - even if you're wearing a condom
3) Subconscious linking of SEX with LOVE: many gay men struggle with balancing fulfilling their sexual needs with their powerful desire to limit sex with a "life partner."

Overall, much of this stems from your subconscious. Can you tell us a bit more about yourself, your upbringing, feelings about sex, love, std's etc?

[Anonymous]

I struggle with anal because I am inexperienced with it and think I overthink during it. I do better with oral

Even with oral, I struggled a bit after a bad break-up once. Some can definitely be mental as above posters said.

Find what works for you. Everyone is different. Some people get an extra kick from a sensitive body part being touched, some from a fetish being incorporated, etc.

[BinarySurfer]

Thank you for the replies. I think everyone has contributed to the puzzle, which seems larger and more complex than I thought. Everything that each of you suggested is a factor.

Stage Fright - Yeah, I was very nervous and scared for the first couple encounters and if I was more comfortable with the person, the outcome probably would have been different. I definitely agree that I feel that sex is more than just physical (for me) because in those instances, I knew that they only wanted one thing, so I was missing the huge mental part.

I do go to a gym where I run, swim, and lift a couple times a week. I'm increasing that to 6 days a week now that I have a bit more time and motivation. Finding another engineering student? I'm simply having difficulty finding anyone else who has more on their mind than sex.

I've noticed when I do get with a guy more than once, it gets easier with each session and the sex is better each time as I get used to him.

On those occasions it happens, what do you do when your partner in crime doesn't want to play? What does the other guy do or think?

It's called performance anxiety and common among men of ALL ages and sexual orientations. This stems from one of 3 places:
1) You've not really given yourself PERMISSION to enjoy sex yet (due to family, social, religious, etc. upbringin), or
2) Fear of disease: while your body wants to engage in sex, your subconscious is protecting you from potential STD infection - even if you're wearing a condom
3) Subconscious linking of SEX with LOVE: many gay men struggle with balancing fulfilling their sexual needs with their powerful desire to limit sex with a "life partner."

Overall, much of this stems from your subconscious. Can you tell us a bit more about yourself, your upbringing, feelings about sex, love, std's etc?

Performance anxiety - I can see that being a factor. I guess I have a lot of thoughts going through my head at the time. Some touching on STD's and trust of the other person. Actually, that might be a big factor in my inhibition. There's definitely a conflict between sex and love. I want sex at the time, but I suppose another part of me wants something much more meaningful and knows that he doesn't care or love, so maybe that is another large factor. As for permission, I don't think I feel that way.

-Start Biography-
I'm the oldest of 6 kids. Since I was 7-8 years old, I was raised to manage the house. Clean it, do laundry, dishes, raise the children (diapers, feed bottles or jars of food, wash bottles, make them, manage their noise level, and keep them satisfied so that they would not bother my parents), cook dinners, and help where ever it was needed. In a sense, I didn't have a traditional childhood. Mine was filled with pain and responsibility. Even now, I find it extremely difficult to "let go". Not even alcohol and mary jane is enough to pry my hands off managing and controlling the situation. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict, I only tried those a couple times.
I got good grades in school and apparently, I find out years later, teachers loved me in their classes, weird. In school, I conditioned myself to never look at a guy for more than 2 seconds no matter what they're doing. I learned and efficiently implemented covering up all signs of my sexuality and ensured that I would never get caught checking a guy out. I got so good at it, I knew the exact moment when they would turn their head or move their eyes. I also became very proficient at utilizing peripherals to know it anyone else was watching. So, I was deep in the closet, but for good reason, my father seriously would have killed me with his hands around my neck if he ever found out during my youth.
My feelings about love. I'm a helpless romantic. Helpless. Romantic. Love means a lot to me, probably because I didn't have any growing up? Love is one of the largest things I seek in a guy, which is probably why I can't perform with random guys.
My feelings on sex. Honestly, I would want to get busy with a lot of the guys around me, which is why it's surprising that mini-me didn't want to participate. Hey, I see the conflict you are talking about ><
STD's are huge for me. For years, my schools beat all the std facts and statistics into our heads. Pair that with my unwavering responsibility, and I guess you get a giant sexless monster. In my encounters, the thought of stds definitely lingered in the air.

[Drew]

On those occasions it happens, what do you do when your partner in crime doesn't want to play? What does the other guy do or think?

Umm, by "partner in crime" do you mean my penis? Sorry, I just want to be sure I'm getting my euphemisms correct here. -__-:

I did a one-time hook-up with this guy back in August and I wasn't able to perform. We had a hot time, but I was disappointed he never invited me back, even though I expressed a willingness to see him again. So sometimes guys are rude.

Usually if I see a guy again it's not a problem, especially if I'm relaxed and particularly attracted to him. If I know I'm going to have sex again, I'll abstain from masturbation for a few days; this tends to help (I try to save the "release" so to speak).

I'll let you know how I do if and when I ever get a long-term boyfriend, ha!

[fredv3b]

BinarySurfer,

To be honest you don't sound like the sort of guy who would enjoy a hook-up or at least guilt afterwards would out-weigh the pleasure at the time.

Have you thought about trying to find a nice guy you might want to have a relationship with, and then taking it slowly from there?


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[jbrowder24]

I got good grades in school and apparently, I find out years later, teachers loved me in their classes, weird. In school, I conditioned myself to never look at a guy for more than 2 seconds no matter what they're doing. I learned and efficiently implemented covering up all signs of my sexuality and ensured that I would never get caught checking a guy out. I got so good at it, I knew the exact moment when they would turn their head or move their eyes. I also became very proficient at utilizing peripherals to know it anyone else was watching. So, I was deep in the closet, but for good reason, my father seriously would have killed me with his hands around my neck if he ever found out during my youth.
My feelings about love. I'm a helpless romantic. Helpless. Romantic. Love means a lot to me, probably because I didn't have any growing up? Love is one of the largest things I seek in a guy, which is probably why I can't perform with random guys.
My feelings on sex. Honestly, I would want to get busy with a lot of the guys around me, which is why it's surprising that mini-me didn't want to participate. Hey, I see the conflict you are talking about ><
STD's are huge for me. For years, my schools beat all the std facts and statistics into our heads. Pair that with my unwavering responsibility, and I guess you get a giant sexless monster. In my encounters, the thought of stds definitely lingered in the air.

A bit of a different background, but I'm almost identical with this portion. A little more experienced at my age perhaps but I definitely was a late bloomer to even realize my sexuality, and shared in many of the issues you mention such as a scarily biased father and the whole STD thing (for me, it was also seeing an uncle with HIV deal with his situation).

You sort of answer yourself there though - lusting in your head is different than actually doing, and your lust is surrounded by wanting an encounter to mean something on the one side, and a fear of what might happen on the other.