Here- my voice!

[ManicReptile21]

so i know i'm not a giant poster or at all that popular, but i would appreciate it if you would lend me your attention for a moment. i am about to rant for awhile, you might get lost a couple of times. here goes-

so i'm in love with my best friend. i fell in love with him the first day i met him. and i thought the only way to get him to love me is by trying really hard and being the perfect friend. You see, the facts staate that he is straight. he has dated 2 women in the past, one of which i actually got a chance to meet (i also watched her break up with him, but thats besides the point). he has always complimented women and has been your average straight guy. but when he's with me. hes really really sensitive. I think in the back of my mind he might potentially be Bi. but a part of me says, "your overthinking friendly gestures you ignoramous"

anyway, because of this dilemna in my head and the lack of courage to actually come out of the closet and tell him i have fallen in love with him (or just plain ask him if he is Bi)- there has been a back and forth on our friendship. ever since we graduated. sometimes hes like he always was, perfect- hugs me alot, always buys me dinner. but other times he is distant, gone, far far away. because of this my patience has dropped dramatically. so i hacve called him out several times on it. and he always says "im sorry, i'll try harder this time around" well this summer he didnt talk to me at all, not a single text, or message. so i snapped. and kicked him out of my life. i disappeared like he did- without a single word, clue, or anything. just unfriended him and decided to give him a taste of what its like to just being abandoned for 4 months. It really hurts- because he's been asking mutal friends we have about me. but i did the same, and he never came to apologize, so i never apologized to him. and now we are reaching mid october, and his sentence is almost over. and i have to ask myself. do i want to go back? i have been really thinking of never accepting him back. If he is straight i'd only be hurting myself by accepting him back right? because at some point i'm gonna get hurt when i say i love him. but the hope that he might be bi is what has kept me pondering. idk. i guess i just miss my best friend....but i also am in love with him- and it could cost me my friendship with him. and i dont think i'll ever stop loving him. so why bring him back here and destroy him again. destroy our friendship and everything we made. it so complicated.


i just wanted some input perhaps.

[dfiant]

First of all, you are not unpopular, I notice you and I have enjoyed reading your posts, advice and general input. I respect you.

Boy! what a tough situation you have found yourself in. I think to an extent you are over thinking, or looking too deeply, into things. If he is asking around about you he obviously cares about you, but you both seem to be at a stalemate.

I think you are risking a valuable friendship, and my personal opinion is that you should break the ice and contact him and tell him that you need to talk to him. I would, if I was you, reveal my sexuality BUT I wouldn't reveal that I was in love with him, that would be information over load, let him take in the news that you are gay first and then from there just feel your way, you will know if/when the right time is you reveal your feelings for him, but keep in mind that IF is probably more important than WHEN.

I think the most important advice I could give you is trust your instincts.

I hope it all goes well for you, you really are a sweet and sensitive man, so allow yourself to be happy

[Jay]

Lewis, it's always risky to have a crush with someone who is straight. I still hope that my first crush is bisexual until this very day (Met him on 2009). He was a very friendly mate but I decided to distance myself from him because of my crush towards him. I feel like an as* for treating him this way.

Anyways here's my take, Lewis. Always try to give in and not take. Did you try to ask your friend why he was acting differently since you guys graduated? Maybe he was having a personal problem that he wasn't willing or shy to share with you.

Don't repeat my mistake, Lewis. Your friend did not do anything wrong. We fell in love with the 'wrong guys' and we expect them to respond to us the way we want them to. When you think of it, we are being a tad selfish here.

Try to give him a call and say hi to him. Patch things that have been broken in the past.

And you need to let go of your sexual feeling towards him. It only hurts your heart and your friendship towards him.

Lewis, pfft. You are popular in this forum.

[princealbertofb]

I'd go for a bit of tough love, here, ManicLewis, as I think you are being harsh on your friend. His change in attutide may have been linked to some personal stuff that he didn't think he could share with you, or that he didn't want to burden you with. Maybe he sensed that you were more in need of him than he was in need of you. It is difficult to say. But from your post, I think you are being unreasonable to expect your friend to understand something (however close you may feel to him) about you that you haven't told him and that you are keeping back from him. You say he's straight and obviously it wouldn't be reasonable either for you to expect him to be bisexual (just for your convenience). Who says that a straight guy can't be really sensitive? It's a lot to do with upbringing too, and maybe the kind of sensitivity that is innate.

For all you know, others may have noticed how you two interacted and may have made remarks, remarks that were too hurtful to you for him to confide in you. That may be the explanation of his gradual severance from the hugging, grappling, back-patting friendship you used to share. He may also be much more involved in a physical relationship with a girl (or even, the irony of it, he may have started having a relationship with another man or boy - just thinking aloud here). It might explain why he's no longer letting himself be so close to you physically.

You can't expect your friend to requite any of the love you feel for him, especially if he's straight and / or in a relationship without him knowing what you feel exactly. From what I've read, I got the impression that you were judging him on uncircumstanciated evidence. I don't know if you owe it to yourself and to him to tell him how much you care for him, but it would be good if you could let him know how you feel and if you could also tell him that you understand he can never love you the same way back. You might accept that you value his love and friendship for what it is, and without it ever becoming more than a close friendship. You would probably need to admit this to him. How is he to know that you accept him for what he is, if you don't tell him? The only way to do this, is to bridge that gap that has been growing between you and to make amends for things that have gone unsaid for too long.

If he is that sensitive, he may have sensed that you weren't telling him the whole truth, and therefore, he may have lost touch with you because he lost part of his trust in you as a friend. Think of that too. I've finished with the tough speech, but I still wish you good luck with this disclosure. It won't be easy.

[zeon]

Hello Manic,
I am sorry to heaar your difficulties.... You stated that you have built a friendship up and the love you feel is showing how close your friendship is and you need to ask yourself is it really wortgh throwing everything away for this? I think the feelings you feel you will have to control and allow them to take a step back so you can continue to enjoy a happy prospect future with him as friends if nothing else.... As time goes on you can admit to him your gay but dont admit your in love just incase he takes offence.... You will be able to enjoy your time with him again and forgive for whats happenned and accept that friendships are distant at times and then you make up for it later on in life.. I have friends in the US and i hardly talk to them but still think of them which keeps friendship to me alive....

Kindest regards

zeon x

p.s Forgive forget go forward!

[pellaz]

straight guy friends are great just you have to compartmentalize them form your gay life. at least your expectations for them. straight guys are not dating material.