Hey I'm a 35 y/o black male living in SC. I'm also a recovering drug addict. I've spent several years working on myself-- trying to rebuild the wreckage of my past and rebuild my fractured personality. I've had the hardest time finding companionship. Feels like I'm simply doing it all wrong. With my background, clubs/bars are simply out of the question. I don't even enjoy the atmosphere any more. I've tried the wonderful world of online dating. I'm sure I'll have plenty of posts regarding that subject at a later date. At any rate, I'm currently lost, confused, and lonely. I have friends. I have plenty of friends. I have plenty of people in my corner. I'm a relatively attractive guy. My conversations typically extend beyond "top or bottom?" or "whatcha do for fun?" When it comes to this dating thing, I swear I'd have more luck hitting my head against a brick wall. So anyway, I guess I'm turning to this website as a cry for help. Maybe not so much as trying to find Mr. Right-- but possible gathering tips in existing single or walking through lonliness with dignity and grace. Probably sounds a little "extra" but right now.. its the absolute pits. I'd really love some encouragement.
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welcome here, I know drugs are hard to quit cus I use to have a drug problem myself. But I hope you find this site informative.
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Welcome!
First off, congrats on working to put your life back together! You should be commended! But, remmber this, you're NOT the only gay man who's beaten his addiction (be it drugs, alcohol, or whatever). True recovery comes when you don't have to avoid that which you were addicted to. So, while i do understand the difficulty in getting out socially, guess what? Drugs and booze are EVERYWHERE! You can't avoid being around them - u just have to stay strong in not falling back into using. I'm NOT saying this is easy - i'm sure it's not, but part of full recovery is getting out there - back into life.
I have a friend who was addicted to crystal meth and booze. Took 2 trips to rehab but he got his life back together and is a happy man now. But guess where he met his husband? On a gay softball team! And guess what? His partner drinks socially and he's fine because he dosn't let his past addiction limit his ability for happiness! He goes out to parties, gay events and bars with his husband and drinks tonic water and is fine.
I say all this because it's important as you work thru your recovery NOT TO LET YOUR PAST ADDICTION LIMIT YOUR ABILITY TO BE WHO YOU ARE! now, it may be too early in your receovery to be around alot of drunk or drugged up homos, but avoiding that is just delaying the inevitable.
So, you want to meet guys for dating? What do you do for hobbies? There are LOTS of gay social group you can join - gay bowling league (i'm in one and have a blast), running clubs, softball teams, hikeing, etc. No matter whatyour hobby there's a gay group out there for ya! Also, don't give up on meeting guys via online site. I met my partner online so don't fall into the perception that all men on gay dating sites looking only for hookups!
REALITY CHECK: Lots of guys you chat with online are going to ask you if you're a top or bottom or what you're into sexually - being versitle myself, i wouldn't date a "total bottom" or a "total top" so asking the question isn't a bad thing - i guess it comes down to what you say on your profile? Does it talk aobut how you're a recovering drug addict? Does it focus ONLY on your frustration with guys only seeming to want a hookup and not a date? If you answer yes to either, you need to update your profile.
It sounds like you've done a GREAT job in getting your life back on track - make sure your profile focus' on THAT! Be POSTITIVE not NEGATIVE! Say something like, "HI guys thanks for reading my profile. My name is <insert your name here> and let me say from the outset that I LOVE LIFE! I'm a very happy and positive person and am looking to meet folks with the same passion for squeezing every drop of happines out of life! Yea, i know, its not always easy to be happy, but it beats being a bitter queen right? ahhaha. Anyway, i've come to the point in my life where quality is more important than quantity. So, who'd like to meet for coffee? There's a great coffee shop close to my place and i'm a pretty darn good conversationalist! Don't be shy - say HI! Oh, and because you're going to ask, yes i love sex, no i'm not into hooking up for the sake of hooking up. I"m not desperate at all! Heck, i'm a great catch but to find that out for yourself, ask me out on a date!
Try that on for size and see how it goes!
don't give up! Don't become a bitter, jaded gay man - get back in the game! you've already beaten addiction, you can get back in teh dating game! JUST DO IT!
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Hey there and Welcome to the Group!!
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Southern Guy
Gemini
Sagittarius
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