The whole flaming nelly queen act is Soooo 20th century. Many boys adopt it to fit in the 'gay community'. I watched many a boy go from 'straight acting' to nelly from the time they entered the scene onward.
We gays adopted the gay stereotype, and during the last century it made sense, it gave us a 'weapon' to use in the War. Now just feeds the stereotyping and the hatred, thus really effeminate boys become targets.
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My sister in law said it best. "We live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and are quite familiar with the gay lifestyle. I have no problem with it. However, as a mother of I two high school aged sons, they way GLBT behaves at Gay Pride parades scares me."
If it matters to the GLBT community what straights think of us at work or out socially, we should 'butch up" our act. For some reason no one tags me as a GLBT right off. It is important that our clients from the midwest see me as straight young all-American guy. I don't like having to play the role, but I do because it is business.
There are many things in life that are not fair, but when it is all said and done, we have to fit into the society as a whole. First impressions are very important, especially in business.
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I always love it when I see gay people engage in the same sort of exclusionary essentializing discourses that have been used to oppress gay people for most of the 20th century.
Number 1: Erase the identity: gay people don't exist, it's a choice; effeminate gay people don't exist, it's an act.
Number 2: Criticize them for being antisocial: gay people don't want to be part of society, they are perverted, promiscuous, and mentally unstable; effeminate gays are acting out, ridiculous, narcissistic, and make us look bad as a community.
Number 3: Exclusionary discourses: there is only one kind of socially acceptable way to be a man, the heterosexual reproductive male; there is only one kind of socially acceptable way to be a gay man, mimic the breeders.
Not to mention the fact that many of those above are assuming things about the experiential existence of others which they have no way of verifying. How can you generalize how you experience being gay to every gay person. For some of those people a cross-gender identification is an important part of who they are. If "gay acting" queers are a problem, what do we do about transgender members of our community? Does no one else see that this lashing out against effeminate gay men is operating off of the same sort of thought processes that are used to justify gay bashing in general?
And as a historical note, it was the drag queens and the too effeminate to fit into normal society that originally resisted at Stonewall, and many owe a debt of gratitude to those effete fags for putting those of us more palatable to bourgeois masses into a position where we can then join in on the oppression, yippee.
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Sounds to me like saying if women don't want to be sexually assaulted then they should be careful on how they dress or even who they smile at (seriously, I know rape victims who were blamed because they were nice or even just smiled at someone), if a boy doesn't want to be run over by a jock then he shouldn't dress punk (which happened, btw, in Texas), and in short people should allow bullies to dictate how others live their lives. Not only is this morally repugnant, it validates violence as a legitimate means of discourse and I don't buy that.
To an extent, it's true, though not right anymore than women having to wear burqas or being denied the right to drive is right simply because society demands it but it's foolish to defy it outright. But at the same time one shouldn't be told to submit out of fear simply because that's the way it is or told that it's their fault for being themselves when they're attacked, and I also don't believe that we can appease those who have decided they don't like us anyway (save by being invisible so they can pretend we don't exist and they can continue to deny us our rights no matter how we behave).
I'd love to draw a parallel about how other groups have their "flaming" members as well and it doesn't affect the greater group but I know it would be misconstrued so I won't.
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Hello,
I have often beleived in live and let live... Now my brother and grandmother always moan about my sexuality and frankly i dont give a toss and told em both to their face... At work i work with the public and also alot of the people i meet know im gay and i am open to everyone... If anyone ever told me to stop my behaviour i would have them dealt with by the most extreme case i could find.. If i felt they had offended me id first off tell them they are in the wrong and what gives them the damn right to go about their business and critise me?? I am who i am and you are who you are and frankly your better off telling your issue to mud because I dont give a flying fuck lol.. I am very self defensive in this region because it took alot of courage to come out and if someone doesnt like it how is it my problem??? Why should I or anyone else who is a p[roud gay on the planet change the way they are for "friendships, business, enemies and the list goes on" I think if you lie to people who you are then what else are you lying about?? Of course if your in a right winged country and could be put in the stocks then i agree maybe toning it down a little could be of use unless ya wanna seriously upset people with a Dilligaf attitude??? I say be yourself regardless of camp or butchness aqnd sod everyone else.. If they dont like it and have an issue they can bloody well grab a tissue!
Kindest regards
zeon x
p.s anyone in the uk ever tell me to tone it in id tell em to go fuck emselves and it wouldnt be the first time either
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Guess we got off the topic, the glsen posterboy in the usa was told heshoud act less gay, so I agree it is a world wide problem, James
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Students in England told to "act less gay".
Leo
