I really need some help.

[ineedsomehelp]

Alright.
so i'm a straight male have been all my life.
always found the opposite sex attractive, and i've never thought about having sexual experiences with other men.

Yet i had a bad trip on shrooms about 2 years ago and while i was tripping a chick came up to me and kept asking me when i was going to come out of the closet or when i was gonna have sex with a man.

Well i had long forgotten about that and still maintained my social life with men and women without a second thought of me being gay, but i had another experience about 8 months ago when i had taken ecstasy and at the end of the night someone kept saying how gay i was and trying to tell me to come out of the closet and i had an anxiety attack.

Now whenever i'm in a social situation with someone i don't know and they bring up gay or ask me if i'm gay i instantly hit panic mode and start having anxiety and i know that makes me seem if i am i just can't help having the anxiety.

I'm currently in a relationship with a beautiful girl and have sex all the time. I never think about having sex with men or doing things with them, it's just not for me. Yet i can't talk to the same sex and have a normal conversation without having anxiety, it's really weird.

I'd just like some insight on this situation.

A little background information, I'm a very attractive male with feminine characteristics. I was raised by my mom cuz my dad was always off doing drugs. Ever since kindergarden i've always liked women. I'm 18 years old and i've been having this problem for about a year and a half now. Any advice would be awesome.

mile:mile:mile:

[dfiant]

Just...................say.......................no

[ineedsomehelp]

I do say no, but what fucks with me is the anxiety i get from it

[Inchante]

First, I would stay away from the drugs, as there seems to be an association with the drugs and the negative experiences.

Secondly, if you have never thought about men sexually, do not have a physiological response to men sexually, and you are attracted to women, you are probably not gay. On the other hand, if you do have those thoughts and response and aren't admitting them to yourself, that is another issue--latency

Next, people can often assume things about your sexuality based entirely on your gender performativity (masculine vs. feminine). Ones masculinity and femininity does not necessarily have anything to do with ones sexuality just as they do not necessarily have anything to do with ones biological sex. We have societal norms based on each of these, and when a person doesn't fit within such norms, people tend to assume and they can assume incorrectly.

Finally, anxiety can be very damaging. If you have anxiety any time you are dealing with the same sex, that can be devastating to your friendships and can be very inhibiting in your professional life. Similarly, if you have anxiety anytime someone talks about gay people, that is not healthy. My suggestion on the issue of your anxiety is to talk to a counselor.

[ineedsomehelp]

The thing is i know I'm not gay.
Yet the anxiety makes me feel otherwise.

It's not necesarrily when someone talks about gay people, it's when they direct it towards me.

I just don't understand why my anxiety is linked with the thought of people believing I'm gay.
I'm constantly making sure I don't do or say anything gay when i'm in public for fear of people's thoughts.

[Inchante]

The thing is i know I'm not gay.
Yet the anxiety makes me feel otherwise.

It's not necesarrily when someone talks about gay people, it's when they direct it towards me.

I just don't understand why my anxiety is linked with the thought of people believing I'm gay.
I'm constantly making sure I don't do or say anything gay when i'm in public for fear of people's thoughts.

Again, I suggest seeing someone for the problem. There is a phenomena that the Queer Theorist Judith Butler describes as vertigo. That is, when people fear losing their privileged position in society, they feel a vertigo, an anxiety about falling into a lower social level, falling from the "normal" heterosexual position to the "abnormal" homosexual position. Gay people feel that anxiety when they are coming to terms with their sexuality. You may be feeling it because you are being labeled something that you have been told by society is beneath you. This does not even have to be a conscious thought, indeed most of our anxieties have subconscious origins.

[ineedsomehelp]

Ahh that makes a lot of sense because i used to be the badass and everybody loved me but after i had anxiety i started to lose my confidence and drift away from society.

Yeah i probably need to go see a counselor, yet i don't have the money to do that.

[Inchante]

There are typically free or reduced counseling services available to the general public, and if you are in high school or college, there will be a counseling office available as well.

[ineedsomehelp]

Well i'm gonna have to say thank you very much, the information you gave me gives me a lot to think about.

I just have a feeling if i go to see a counselor, they're going to tell me," Well maybe you are gay you just need to accept it." and that isn't going to help my anxiety at all haha

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Wow man, you had some wicked 'trips'....

Drop the drugs - at least doing drugs around other people.

Most likely you are self conscious of your more effeminate side. Our world tends to make the unnatural assumption that 'effeminate = gay'.

I say unnatural assumption because there are 100% totally straight guys out there who have effeminate features that would never, ever get it on with a guy. And at the other end, there are some really butch, masculine guys who would never dream of being with a woman.

Our drug experiences are making you much more aware how strangers look at you and make assumptions about you. Assume - Ass-U-Me

It is a reflection of their character (actually their lack of character) that you are taking personally.

The only thing about you that you should be worried about is that your growing up to be just like dad. There is a strong correlation between offspring of addicts/alcoholics being addicts/alcoholics themselves. Therefore you may be running a much greater risk of becoming an addict... just like dad.

Many people are assholes, you seem to have many of these assholes in your life. You may not be able to pick your parents, you can pick who you hang around with.