My problem!

[2Slippery4U]

Hello all, I'm reviving this thread to the attempt to gain some friendly advice... I'm going to be honest and that might paint an impression of me being a really bad person, or may be I am??

Things between me and my guy are far from ok. Things should now be feeling good as we just completed the renovation of our home and are finally chore free!!

I feel that all is lost, it's become convienece to stay together, too much hassel to split?? Sex has become a chore now rather than the decorating, he doesn't do it for me... I constantly find my eye wandering or hoping to bump into a X or just something to make my day! If he does something wrong or is careless I really get on his case, and hold a grudge for days??

I was reading a thread about the last time you slept with someone, not sex related... Michael described how he lays with his partner with all barriers down and feeling wanted and loved... I want/need that feeling, I want to be loved, I want to feel crazily in love with someone again, someone to make my heart miss a beat when ever I see them

I conclude by the nail in the coffin. I have kinda cheated on him, not penetrative... but enough.

What a mess??

[Mark]

Umm basically you and him are over.. You've kinda done the one thing which just destroys it all.. So you have to find a way to end it as its not working, you've gone for someone else, and it seems to be getting worse..

I think that is screaming "THIS IS OVER"...

[spotysocks]

It depends on how one wants to sees it . You can think it is over or you can think how do i fix this.

To finish it is easy to work on it is the challenge. Personally i would have made everything to my power to fix whatever needs fixing. You will need to find the reasons why you want to save your relationship and what you should do to make it better. There is not a recipe to do that but the most important ingredient i believe is to be able to communicate what you need/want. Michael and his husband have found what it works for them and keep their relationship alive. Sit down and talk to your partner if you still are interested in saving and keeping what you have. If it doesnt work after doing so then you know you have to end it.

I dont think what you say here makes you a terrible person. If someone thinks it does then they had it easy in their life and relationship(s). To be honest cheating is not the end of a relationship...it can be if you want it to be but not necessarily. some chose to tell their partner some keep it a secret. Depends what seems to be the best for you both. Would he like to know? Or would YOU like to know if you were in his position?
I would like to know if a bf cheats on me but would prefer to know it before he does it, and know the reasons and if this means the beginning of the end otherwise i would feel sad and anxious. Looking for excitement with someone else should just ring the alarm that something doesnt work like it used to be but not the definite end. On the other hand maybe you have already moved on?

[voice]

For what it's worth, my partner and I have been together for 13 years and sure sometimes we fight about really stupid things and sometimes days aren't as exciting as when we first met. But for us commitment in a relationship is recognising that we are still individuals with individual needs and one may not always see eye to eye with the other.

Our relationship is monogamous, but there are times when we need a break. So he goes out for the day with friends shopping or to lunch and I go out with other friends to catch a movie. In essence we respect the need for each other to have some individual space.

But one of our favourite things to do is go away for a weekend together somewhere where's there's no TV, no radio, no internet and just chill out.

[Shadow]

Ok ...

If this were a balance sheet or similar, you'd look rather in debt my dear ... as has been said to you before, staying with somebody because you don't know what else to do, or think it's just easier than going it alone is absolutely the wrong reason to be in a relationship.

I'm not suggesting that you end your relationship with your man simply because it seems to have hit a stale patch - every relationship gets times like that ... but you've already gone way past that and crossed what many (myself included) see as being the defining line between the rights and wrongs of the etiquette of being in a relationship, and that is that you've strayed beyond the bounds of monogamy ... which is something I personally would reserve only for pre-established "open" relationships.

You are therefore at a crossroads.

As I perceive if, your choices are :-

A) Tell him what you've done, and let him decide whether he wants to remain in a relationship with you (you won't do this, as you don't really seem to want to be in the relationship with him at this point);

B) Tell him that you want to end your relationship with him (whether or not you tell him the whole truth being up to you), and adopt the clean break mentality in the hopes that both of you can and will get on with your lives better apart than together; or

C) Go back to what you had with him, hoping to keep what has happened a secret, and potentially risk longer-term hurt to both of you ...

The only question you need to ask yourself now is ... do you want to be in a relationship with this guy or not ?

If you do then I would urge you to do the right thing (and I trust you know in your heart of hearts what that is); and if you do not then I would suggest you consider whether it's worth continuing as you are, as the most obvious conclusion to the path you're on is that you're going to start resenting him for all the things he's not, and that's not fair on him, as it's at least a 50/50 thing that's brought you to this point I would assume ...

Also ? Assess the blame and be reasonable with it - rarely is anybody the antichrist they're painted as ... so be honest and be reasonable with yourself and with him.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Mark]

See the thing I feel with this thread is he's already said its more convience.. And just the way he typed the whole thing to me doesnt suggest that theres anything he feels on his part..

I really think slippery you are causing yourself more pain by not choosing one way or the other. If this is true what you said then why are you with him? I mean I always thought when your happy you wouldnt doubt, and nobody else would EVER come into the picture.. But in this case it has..

Ok answer me this.. what do YOU want?