is my officemate gay?

[zed05]

Hi! I just registered today.
You can call me Zed.
The reason I registered is, I am in desperate need of advice.

I have this officemate, he's hot.
But I was never really attracted to him the first time we met. Both of us just recently started working for this company and I was just ahead of him for a week. I never spoke with him, coz, I am scared of straight men. As time goes by, I noticed he was always looking at me, and laughing at my jokes. You see, I'm the class clown. I always kid around, I'm also the youngest of my officemates, being just 20 when I started. So, as the weeks gone by, we got close. He always says Hi to me, and I just smile back. He always say goodbye to me too, JUST ME. Other girls in my department, noticed that. One day, we needed to transfer work stations, and we were assigned to sit beside each other. So, with that, we got close. We talk, and he always cuddles me. He sometimes puts his head on my shoulder, sometimes he rest his body at my back. He always tickles me, and being the clown, he asks me what's wrong when I'm silent. He shows a lot of signs that he is bi/gay, but he has a long time girlfriend, which he never wants to talk about, BUT, his facebook page is full of their sweetness. Its been 6months now, since his sweetness to me is going on. And, he even searched for an apartment for me, coz I needed to move out of my aunts house. He looked hi and low, and the one he "found" is just beside his house.
When I came to check the apartment out, he said to come over his house to rest, and so I did.
When I was in the living room, he removed his shirt in front of me, exposing his hot body. But I never made a move, coz I was unsure if he was gay, or not. Although he knows I'm gay. After that day, I could never look at him the same way again.
I never initiated a conversation with him, and I transferred stations to get away from him, but he still says hi, and bye everytime. He also asked me what's wrong while his hand were busy tickling me, and his head rested on my shoulder.

Then it hit me. I'm in love with the guy.
Coz, whenever I look at his facebook page, I get this feeling that someone is pinching my heart. It hurts like hell. I, I wanna ask him, if he's toying with me, coz its not funny, but I can't. When I told him that I'm gonna quit, he asked why. I told him that my cousin works in a four-star hotel in a middle-east asian country, and will work there as a marketing associate. He asked if he could come with me, I answered, yes, coz I didn't wanna deprive him of that opportunity, coz it is a better pay after all. Then, I said, "are you sure about that though? Coz, your gonna leave your mom, dad, bro, and sis. Worse part is, your gonna leave your GIRL FRIEND." He stopped, and thought about it. And, said, "yeah, I'm ready. Its gonna be hard, but I have you there to cheer me up".
And I was like, (why the hell did I even ask him that). A couple weeks went by, and I'm still in love with him. But, I just don't know, if I should nurture this feeling, coz I feel, nothing good is gonna come out of it.

I want to know, if he's gay/bi, and if I have a chance of being with him.
I am so sorry if my story is extremely long, but, I really wanna know.


Thanks in advance for all the help!

[Jay]

From the way you have described, I predict the guy is bisexual, at least. Too many signals and signs screaming for bisexual.

He seems to be into you, Zed. Really into you.

Go for it but take it nice and slow. Get to know him slowly - Just to be cautious as you don't want to hurt yourself if things go wrong.

[zed05]

Thanks so much Jay!
Although I'm still actually confused right now.
He's on leave today, and I'm pretty depressed about it. Although, I've been depressed coz of the way he posts about his girlfriend on facebook.

Is it also a sign when his relationship status is " it's complicated" rather than "in a relationship"?

I mean I really like him. I really do.
But, if he can't like me the way I do him,
It will be hard to remain friends with him.
I need help on how to know more, if he is really into me.

I planned on just ignoring him.
But he is just so sweet, that he aleays asks me what's wrong, and I can't ignore that!
I miss him already..

[LateBloomer]

From the way you have described, I predict the guy is bisexual, at least. Too many signals and signs screaming for bisexual.

He seems to be into you, Zed. Really into you.

Go for it but take it nice and slow. Get to know him slowly - Just to be cautious as you don't want to hurt yourself if things go wrong.

Agreed.

This guy could just be hanging onto his girlfriend until "something better" comes along.

It sounds promising, but I agree going slow is the best tactic.

[zed05]

Agreed.

This guy could just be hanging onto his girlfriend until "something better" comes along.

It sounds promising, but I agree going slow is the best tactic.

But how can I uncover the truth?
I mean, it woulkd be great If he was into me, but..
I can't shake off the feeling that, he's toying with me.

What do you suggest I do to find out if he is really into me? Coz, he never texts me. He did, once, when I was sick, but that's it. He'd rather go home, than hang out. He's giving me signs of hope, AND despair. He got me, he got me good.


Thanks for all the help!
Need more!

[pellaz]

... he said to come over his house to rest, and so I did.
When I was in the living room, he removed his shirt in front of me, exposing his hot body. But I never made a move, coz I was unsure if he was gay, or not. Although he knows I'm gay.

so he knows your gay?
gay, bi or straight you need to talk to him about the relationship (if any) you want. lots of complications for you:
-if he plans to keep with his girl friend
-you two guys work together
-you live next to each other

... After that day, I could never look at him the same way again.

you need to clean this up if possible. the cleanest option is tell him you want to be straight friends. he has to know how you as a gay person feels about things, clearly he either knows more than you think (the shirt) or dosnt have a clue. the most complicated (and prone to fail) is a friends with benefits situation.

set up a time after work to talk in person, outside work away from his or you house.
i always say this; respect that the gay population is tiny. just because your feelings are yelling at you dosnt mean that the chances are even remotely possible finding someone that is feeling the same thing as you, at the same time in life. be careful

[LateBloomer]

But how can I uncover the truth?
I mean, it woulkd be great If he was into me, but..
I can't shake off the feeling that, he's toying with me.

What do you suggest I do to find out if he is really into me? Coz, he never texts me. He did, once, when I was sick, but that's it. He'd rather go home, than hang out. He's giving me signs of hope, AND despair. He got me, he got me good.


Thanks for all the help!
Need more!

I see what you're saying about him possibly toying with you...

I think two valuable communication techniques are being direct and using humor.

Next time he starts to cuddle (and you're alone together--not in the office) you might just bring it up in a friendly, non threatening way...

"...are you toying with me? Because if you keep it up, I won't be able to control myself..."

Or something corny like that.


You said he already knows you're gay. Just play HIS game. Fight fire with fire and see what happens.

[zed05]

From the way you have described, I predict the guy is bisexual, at least. Too many signals and signs screaming for bisexual.

He seems to be into you, Zed. Really into you.

Go for it but take it nice and slow. Get to know him slowly - Just to be cautious as you don't want to hurt yourself if things go wrong.

I'm still actually confused right now.
He's on leave today, and I'm pretty depressed about it. Although, I've been depressed coz of the way he posts about his girlfriend on facebook.

Is it also a sign when his relationship status is " it's complicated" rather than "in a relationship"?

I mean I really like him. I really do.
But, if he can't like me the way I do him,
It will be hard to remain friends with him.
I need help on how to know more, if he is really into me.

[zed05]

Thanks everyone!

I'm still actually confused right now.
He's on leave today, and I'm pretty depressed about it. Although, I've been depressed coz of the way he posts about his girlfriend on facebook-pretty lame of me right? Ahaha...

Is it also a sign when his relationship status is " it's complicated" rather than "in a relationship"?

I mean I really like him. I really do.
But, if he can't like me the way I do him,
It will be hard to remain friends with him.
I need help on how to know more, if he is really into me.

[zeon]

Hello zed,
WEelcome to the forum and secondly it sounds like he could be however it could be his comfortable in his sexuality and is also OR a male faghag which is a straight man who hangs with gay men... Being the youngest in the office he may see you as a younger brother one who he bonds well with and unless he commits out right his gay or you ask him directly or through views such as something like gay men do my head in and whgen he says why make a story up and see where he goes... l am openly gay in my work place and all the lads call me dear or love even in the view of the public... Its showing his happy in your surroundings but not nessiccary his gay

kindest regards

zeon x