Screaming at the fork in the road.

[ViolettaAlexis]

I am a 25 year old bisexual woman. I have been in relationships with both women and men alike. I have been in monogamous and open relationships. This is where the problem lies...

I have been with a 28 year old man for about one year and one month. In the beginning, my bisexuality wasn't a huuuuge deal and he was somewhat curious about it. He even said 70% of him wants to watch me with another woman. But then with more feelings comes more complications. And eventually, he didn't want to share me with anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to share him either, but he also seems to have no desire to share or be shared.

I hate to come off as your stereotypical bisexual where I want my cake and eat it, too. I just can't help it. I barely look at guys, but I can't help myself from staring at girls. That desire to be with a woman is driving me crazy. And not just sexually but romantically; companionship. I feel so horrible. He's such a good man and loves me so much, but he's insecure about my bisexuality.

I'm so afraid if I stay in this relationship, I'll just end up hurting him. I am in love with him. I really am. Either I leave him to explore my options, have a polyamorous relationship (which I doubt he'd accept) or stay with him. I could be happy or regret any of these decisions. I just don't know what to do. My intentions are pure. I've never cheated. Help!

-Violetta

[dfiant]

Sorry to be blunt, but you are making it out that this is his problem. He is committed to a monogamous relationship, that is what love is about, commitment.

The choice is yours, you have to make yourself happy. If you are afraid of hurting him by cheating, then perhaps you should end the relationship, that's not fair on him.

[ViolettaAlexis]

It's certainly not his sole problem. I know this is mine and mine alone. I'm being selfish by not letting him go, but I'm just not ready to. I just wish he was ok with me being in a relationship with a woman, buuuuut that will never happen. Thanks for your input. I'll take about anything I can get right now.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

None of can tell you what to do.

You know your options. You have listed them already.

How you make the choice is also up to you. How I would make a choice may not be the healthiest for you.

Perhaps you should ask yourself why it is you barely look at guys, but stare at the women.... Maybe your answer lies there in.

[ViolettaAlexis]

Yea, that makes sense. I only dated women for a year a couple years back. I still enjoy sex with men, but I seem to get far more emotionally attached to beautiful, feminine women. I just feel bad for my boyfriend. I feel like a horrible person but I can't help how I feel.

I would honestly prefer to be in a polyamorous relationship, but certainly don't want to make him feel bad because I asked. He's very emotional and has cried at least 20 times because my bisexuality has made him feel insecure. It sucks.

[James]

Hi ViolettaAlexis, I have know Bi's both male and female, it is a tough position to be in as you are pulled differant directions at the same time. The answer isn't black and white, it lies in feelings which are difficult to express to someone who has never been there. I would try to lay it all out for him if you truly would like to stay with him, however, being true to yourself is the only option, James

[SleepTalker]

i wouldnt want to share my significant other with anyone else. i wouldnt want him/her to be seeing some one else at the same time they were dating me.

[ViolettaAlexis]

I know. It's just a hard decision. =\

[James]

Just wait and let all of GS have an input

[LateBloomer]

Sounds like you and your bf have two different expectations about what it means to be in a relationship.

Intellectually you know what it means, but it seems like your heart isn't in it.

I'm not criticizing. There's plenty of room in this world for all kinds of relationships but it's always going to be difficult if your full time partner has different expectations than you.

Good luck.