I have hit another fork in the road.

[ManicReptile21]

so pretty much a year ago the whole shenanigan went by. how i fell in love with my best friend and was utterly broken when he denied me. then i snapped and lost it when he went and outted me shortly after to the populus of my friends. I banned him from my life.

But here's what my friends have been telling me. When He denied me i couldn't stand being around him or even looking at him. I was bitching and moaning all the way through it. So when my friends, who at the time did not know i was gay, started inquiring to him about why there was a high tension between the two of us. He made lies up apparently, to protect my secret.

They also asked me about it and I always gave them the cliche "It's nothing. Really it's nothing.". So eventually they say they backed him into a corner and found a flaw in the lies he had spun one night in his car, when i was not present. My one of my friends got irritable and was flipping out on him as to why the two of us were not even talking to each other. Apparently he suspected something terrible had happened and he was demanding why he couldn't have his two best friends out TOGETHER for a good flick "like the good old days" (Remember, at that point i was falling into a deep depression and had to really consider if i wanted to even be his friend anymore). Then he outted me then and there. No one told me he had outted me until like a month later. I was really sulking at that point and when i heard that i exploded and immedietely banned him. I cut him out, and wrote him a spiteful email and immediately blocked him and shut him out completely. They tried to explain this to me, but i was on fire about how he could betray hi promise and my trust. A year and a month is about to pass since i last saw or spoke to him. Throughout this course of time I have been dwelling heavily on it.

Is it my fault?
I fell in love with a straight guy.
I fell in love with my best friend.
All of this happened because of me.

I am nearing the end of my thought process and I need to hear REAL opinions. I don't want any sort of bias answers. I want your honest opinions.

I loved him.
Since he outted me my physical attraction to him has evaporated. It no longer exists.
But here i am now and he was my best friend. And through all the shit he put me through. and all the shit i put myself through.

I miss him still.
Am I a fucking idiot for missing him?
This guy outted me, put me in so much danger.
But I cant help but remember all the good things he did for me, and its not like he didn't try.

Is it all my fault?



I'm asking because I have been considering trying to talk to him about this all. But there's this vague uncertainty. I mean he may even hate me. Would I torture myself by doing this? What if we did become friends again. Would things still be the same? What would have changed?

Please guys. I really could use your genuine input now more than ever. I feel like I was reading a book and when i found out the main character died I stormed out the room. But theres still one more chapter left. but what the point of reading it if the main character is dead?

[LateBloomer]

so pretty much a year ago the whole shenanigan went by. how i fell in love with my best friend and was utterly broken when he denied me. then i snapped and lost it when he went and outted me shortly after to the populus of my friends. I banned him from my life.

But here's what my friends have been telling me. When He denied me i couldn't stand being around him or even looking at him. I was bitching and moaning all the way through it. So when my friends, who at the time did not know i was gay, started inquiring to him about why there was a high tension between the two of us. He made lies up apparently, to protect my secret.

They also asked me about it and I always gave them the cliche "It's nothing. Really it's nothing.". So eventually they say they backed him into a corner and found a flaw in the lies he had spun one night in his car, when i was not present. My one of my friends got irritable and was flipping out on him as to why the two of us were not even talking to each other. Apparently he suspected something terrible had happened and he was demanding why he couldn't have his two best friends out TOGETHER for a good flick "like the good old days" (Remember, at that point i was falling into a deep depression and had to really consider if i wanted to even be his friend anymore). Then he outted me then and there. No one told me he had outted me until like a month later. I was really sulking at that point and when i heard that i exploded and immedietely banned him. I cut him out, and wrote him a spiteful email and immediately blocked him and shut him out completely. They tried to explain this to me, but i was on fire about how he could betray hi promise and my trust. A year and a month is about to pass since i last saw or spoke to him. Throughout this course of time I have been dwelling heavily on it.

Is it my fault?
I fell in love with a straight guy.
I fell in love with my best friend.
All of this happened because of me.

I am nearing the end of my thought process and I need to hear REAL opinions. I don't want any sort of bias answers. I want your honest opinions.

I loved him.
Since he outted me my physical attraction to him has evaporated. It no longer exists.
But here i am now and he was my best friend. And through all the shit he put me through. and all the shit i put myself through.

I miss him still.
Am I a fucking idiot for missing him?
This guy outted me, put me in so much danger.
But I cant help but remember all the good things he did for me, and its not like he didn't try.

Is it all my fault?



I'm asking because I have been considering trying to talk to him about this all. But there's this vague uncertainty. I mean he may even hate me. Would I torture myself by doing this? What if we did become friends again. Would things still be the same? What would have changed?

Please guys. I really could use your genuine input now more than ever. I feel like I was reading a book and when i found out the main character died I stormed out the room. But theres still one more chapter left. but what the point of reading it if the main character is dead?

Your story reminded me of this cheesy song from the 70s.



But seriously, I understand your pain, frustration and doubt. I personally think it's healthier to just let the past be the past. Live for today. Here and now. In THIS moment. And focus on the future.

Learn from the past, yes! But leave it. Grow in to the type of person you want to date.

[pellaz]

... but what the point of reading it if the main character is dead?

your still here, forget the early chapters, move on.

[VNight2014]

Pellaz is right. Maybe there's a dramatic plot twist, or a happy ending.

[Sylph]

Sis, and you are my Sister Lewie, I've got this to say and hopefully it helps you;

As we know, the past is the foundation upon which we build our future, but it's the present where the tools of our pasts are used for the constructs of our future.

The decisions you make ultimately map the route to your destination, where do you want to go?

You already know the answer you want, because otherwise you wouldn't even think about it, it's clear and obvious you want to reconcile, but is reconciliation going to be the answer to your problems? That I can't say for sure, neither can anyone for that matter, because it has yet to pass.

Although, I can say if you don't you'll always wonder, however cliche' that may sound, and will have regrets. More so than you do now.

Asking for direction to a road you don't even understand is pointless, but should rather ask if making the drive at all wise or not, and to that I say yes.

Lewis, however much you feel hurt and betrayed, I can tell you want to forgive him, more so than you want to hate him. You have to do this in your own time though.

Contact him, but tread lightly, because things will be tense, and be as open and honest as you can. I don't know him, but I know he will hear you out, because he seems like that type, but I wouldn't put all the eggs in that one basket.

Also, from me knowing you, you wouldn't put yourself in danger, which means confiding in someone who you believe will hurt you or put you in danger, so your anger at him was due to the fact that you felt attacked from someone you loved, but who didn't return the feeling, even though you knew this.

You have to trust people alittle more than you do, because he had ample opportunity to hurt you or put you in danger, and yet didn't which shows his character and his level of respect for you, even if he did at the pressure of your friends let slip what you wish he hadn't, but humans are not perfect, and I'm sure he figured they knew or would respond positively (or relatively so), because they are your friends or otherwise hecould've told random people or put it on facebook.

You should try to reconcile, but it's going to be awhile before it's the same again, you may not even be as close as you once were, but you'll still be friends. As I don't believe he'd hate you, as it's not his type, and but again, you'd have to be open and honest and apologetic.

I wish you luck Sis. <3

[ChrisD]

First of all,

Second: I think you will end of having to just move on with your life. I mean, I would hate to lose a best friend like this, because I know I would hope that there was some way to reconcile what happened with them and what not.

However, at this point I don't know if that's possible. Just try not to dwell on the negativity of the situation, it's obviously causing you a lot of pain, stress, and confusion- a rather lethal mixture that nobody needs in their lives.

Finding a new best friend will not be easy, especially given the time it takes to build up that kind of relationship. It's even harder for gay men, I think, because we might confuse strong friendship with infatuation.

That's not to say that you shouldn't try to make amends with this guy if you really honestly believe you can repair your friendship. Moving on should only be a last resort.

I wish you the best of luck with starting the next chapter in your social life, whatever it might entail, and please keep us updated, so we can help when you need it.

[Kiid]

It's not all your fault. It work out badly and now you want to fix it. It was a sad happening and you are still sad by the sounds of things. I think you owe it to yourself to know if you could be friends again. But I don't know what would happen.

I think you want to contact him and apologies don't you?

[dfiant]

There is no crystal ball that can tell you or us what is right or wrong.

You are going to have to follow your heart on this one mate, the heart knows what the heart knows and there lays the answer

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Love is an emotion. Emotions are not logical.

Thus emotions do not follow logical rules. Yes you can love a person and not be attracted to them, yes you can love a person even if they beat you so badly you get a few days stay in hospital... Yes you can love a person and hate them at the same time.

One can love and fear a person at the same time, one can.... well think of any combination of emotions and it is possible. Emotions are not logical.

Are you wrong? No not really. He was wrong to out you, his bad - not yours.

It is called falling in love for good reason.

Just like if you were on a tall building and slipped and fell off the edge, you have no more control over what happens while you are falling (damned gravity) off the building as you do when falling in love.

Many fall in love and manage to hide it very well. They are no more in control of the process than a man falling out of plane... sans parachute....

You fell in love (are you still falling?) It happens to the best and worst of us...

If you are still falling and do not want to enjoy those further consequences of unrequited love, then do not talk to him or make amends or whatever it is you feel you 'must' do at this time.

If you have stopped falling and are reasonably certain that making (or attempting too) won't kill you when he rejects you, then try.


One can't go back, the relationship you had with him in the past is exactly where it is, in the past. All of this 'stuff' that went down is there, it has changed the relationship, and it will be there for now and forever. So what once was cannot and shall not be again. If you are striving to rekindle that past experience that will not happen.