Our parents are the first ones that we create a ruler by which we measure potential mates. Both good and bad qualities in our parents we will add to that ruler. By the time we are old enough to start dating we are looking for those qualities in potential mates. The problem for folk like us is that that sets us up for finding those 'endearing' qualities that we like to actually be the behavioral patterns of abusive people.
In my case I kept on getting involved with guys that had 'control issues' and barely kept in check anger issues. It took me several tries and ultimately be completely changing the type of person I would date to as far opposite as I could find from 'my type'. Until I made drastic changes I kept on dating good old Dad.
No The guys didn't look like Dad, but they had similar temperaments and behaviors and personality quirks that I was drawn too like a moth to the flame.
In the early stages of the relationship most of these quirks are actually either 'sexy' or 'cute'. But then considering that most abusive people start off as cheerful, charming and self confident, then use similar techniques to isolate you from others such as promising to keep you safe, telling you '
Oh Baby, I make enough money, you don't have to work' . These sorts of tactics are to gain your trust as completely as possible, and to make you dependent upon them, financially and emotionally.
Then later on they start demanding you stop seeing your friends, stay at home, cutting up phone cords, threatening you into submission...Then comes the beatings since now you are alone, with no place to run to and usually by that time also financially unable to run away. You are in their power, they do as they want.
This pattern is heard in many groups where victims of abuse share their stories, we are victims of following the pattern because we 'fall' for it.
You are, most likely attracted to those qualities that lead to abusive behavior. What this guy did to you is abusive. Unfortunately with your past you are not going to be able to readily see what those qualities are that lead to abusive people.
It is not your fault. You are most likely pretty innocent about how human behavior works.
http://www.cbn.com/family/marriage/pethe...raits.aspx out lines it in detail, A Google search reveals more sites:
https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en...94&bih=609
Things like manipulative, Charming
Look at #3 from that site - sound familiar?
3. Manipulative.
This man is very intelligent. He knows how to detect your weak spots, and he uses your vulnerability and past pain to his advantage. “You were abused as a kid because you are so ugly.”
What is also true is we victims also have traits - personality quirks that draw abusers to us.
http://safeharborsfl.org/domestic-violen...nd-victims
So here we are. You are a victim of abuse, you carry those scars both internally and externally. Your personality, those behaviors you do without knowing, from being a wee bit to shy, maybe even a bit to bright eye draws the potential abuser to you, then he has those charming qualities and the ability to manipulate your 'inner child' since he already has an instinct for what it is you have experienced.
Another one on victims that may shed more light:
http://thereislifeafterabuse.com/VictimC...stics.html
Ok, so much for the psychology lesson. Lets move on to this current situation.
1. He is the asshole, the jerk, the dumbass, the devil, the freak, the son of a bitch... whatever. YOU are NOT.
2. He manipulated you and used you. He took advantage of you. He is an asshole, a jerk a dumbass.... etc.
3. Your best defense is to kill him with civility and kindness, and warn others that you may know who might date him that this guy is a jerk, an asshole.. you know the litany by now.
4. Find a support group for survivors of abuse:
https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#sclie...94&bih=609
I have only given you a crash course on how it works with abusers and how they find you, you will need to meet up with others who like you have been abused by others before. Learn those traits that abusers have. I bet if you find a real time, face to face, group you will find others who will befriend you and be more than willing to help you to discover what it is you see in those types of guys.
The best weapon you have to use is knowledge. Learning to spot those characteristics and understand them as what they are will empower you to keep from getting involved with these kinds.
As for Mr. Jerk you have dealt with, ignore him as much as possible. Smile - really smile, act like what he has said, what he has done was all a big joke when he is around. Don't say anything more to him on the subject. Don't stare at him longingly, he will only feed of it and get is nasty thrills knowing you pine for him. Do not feed his sickness, starve it and he will move on.
Edit Addition:
In case you can't tell by all of that above, I too come from an abusive home, I too have knack for drawing abusive men to men and I am drawn to them. It took me a long time to figure out what needed to be done from getting involved with violent men. I ultimately opted for a complete overhaul of the 'type' of man I would date.