Damn life.

[Wilem]

Erm just wondering when you're first gay experience was? (If you've had one.)

Because I've known I was gay since 12, been completely out since 14, and I'm 18 now, and I've never even been kissed. Or hugged by a guy at all, now that I think of it.

And It's really fucking getting to me.

So was wondering is this normal? Or am I as ugly as I suspect I am?

[Shadow]

No no no no, not at all !

Just because you're not pushy with your sexuality, doesn't mean you're ugly - the two have nothing in common ... perhaps you're really cute but people are nervous of hugging you because they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable ?

I've known I was gay since I was 6, came out at 21, and had my first gay experience at 23 ... in answer to your question mile:.

Look at it this way, quite often people are better judges of character than we give them credit for ... if you're as shy as you think you are, then perhaps that comes across to other people, and they think "I WOULD hug the guy, but I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable" ...

... it's more probable than you think ...

Fly to Jersey - I'll give you a cuddle x

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Wilem]

You're first gay experience...
What was it? How did it happen?

[Shadow]

It was a one-night stand that I mistakenly thought was going to turn into something more ...

I had met a gay friend through a friend (one of those rather irritating "Omigod I'VE got a gay friend ... and ... and ... YOU'RE gay ... so ... the two of you MUST get along !! You can go shopping or something" - she was TRYING to help, but COME OFF IT), and he was DESPERATE for me to meet a gay guy of my own age, so he introduced me to this lad (by giving him my mobile phone number), and the lad started texting me LOADS and loads and complimenting me and this and that ... and saying could we meet ?

So I arranged to meet up with my friend, this (new) lad, and the new lad's best mate ...

... one thing led to another, we went out clubbing that night, and he walked me back to his place and slept with me ...

... no penetration, just loads of kisses, cuddles, a bit of sucking, 69, that sorta thing ... he shot a few times, I didn't cum at all ...

I woke up the next morning thinking "Omigod I have a boyfriend".

Suffice to say I was RATHER naïve .

Welcome to the REAL world little Shadow ... but nevermind - it's been all good since ... pretty much ... .

Seriously though, it's all good xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Wilem]

ahhhh right
see i know loadsa gay guys
i think my problem is the fact I can't go to pubs and clubs and that...
plus I'm sort of seperate to everything at college...

fuck it nvm lol

[Shadow]

Why not try dinners babe ? That always works for me - over dinner you can take your tiiiiiiiime, people can hear you speeeeeeeeak, you can get to knooooow them and stuff ... it's much more relaxed ... and you get food too .

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[swim73088]

well...i'm not out yet (i'm 19) and i envy you for doing so at 14! well done! i've never really had a proper homosexual experience, just a bit of curious touching/stroking when I was in my early teens that never amounted to anything more. in fact it was so awkward it really wasn't much fun haha. i've never had any guy kiss/hug me affectionately at all though and it drives me crazy so I know how hard it can be.

straight people just don't realize that what they can go out and get so easily takes us ages to find...then there is the added stigma of whether or not people accept us...it's just so much harder. i want to punch my friends sometimes when they try to push girls on me or are out in a club on the pull. i want to shake them and say "you don't know how hard this is or how hard it can get"

[Shadow]

Fly to Jersey and I'll give YOU a cuddle too !! xx

Seriously though, what swim73088 has said is very, very true - it can be very hard going on us, particularly when we're closeted as half the weight is from people's ignorance, whether well-meaning or not ...

But never give up hope babe - as I've said elsewhere on the site, as painful an experience as it is being in your situation, and believe me I've been there, yours will always be a uniquely beautiful perspective on life for having experienced the bad times as you have ... what others take for granted will be new and fresh to you for much, much longer, and come to you it shall xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[XRIMO]

I'm 22 and doing my masters and I am also not completely out yet. I also have not had any truly gay experiences and I have times where I wonder if I am normal. It definately doesn't feel like it, but I also know that I am still young and don't need to rush into things. It will happen when the time is right.

[fjp999]

My first experience was when I was 20. Everyone thinks it will never happen.

A theatre friend of mine introduced me to one of her gay friends and we got along ok. I told him I wasnt in love with him but wanted a teacher. We went out a few times then he took me home to his lovely cumfy bed and had sex. It lasted a couple months but he started falling in love with me but I didnt.

We ended it on friendly terms and I never saw him again.

I dont think I had sex with another man for a year or more...

thats how it goes,
good luck,
frank