I came out to him.

[ManicReptile21]

:frowno as you guys know- i was gonna come out on saturday night. I did. i called the guy i had a crush on out. and he was ranting about alot of shit thats happened between us, because we havent spoken in forever. we walked around the town alone together. freezing our asses off. i started beating around the bush and the conversation just started getting deeper and deeper. Surprisingly a bench showed up and we sat down. We wandered into some quiet part of town and then. i asked him, "have you ever wondered why i dont have a girlfriend? Why i never asked so and so out?" he eventually pulled the peices together. and surprisingly. i wasnt afraid. i was just so comfortable. even when i got the news that he was fully straight. but im not gonna lie. as i type my heart is broken. and i am really fucked up right now---but over all he has given me a choice. i can still be his best friend he says. he doesnt care. or i can stop being his friend and never talk to him again. because he said he understands that me staying his friend is gonna rip me apart inside. that everytime i see him im going to see my failure. idk what im gonna do. im so fucked up right now--- hes gonna keep my secret. hes still being that perfect friend even after all this. this is the first time this has ever happened to me. and i cant stop crying. those butterflies i had in my stomach before i told him- they havent left me. i feel like im gonna throw up... everything has been thrown on me. i feel like a terrible person. but ill say this. its good he knows. im glad he knows. im so grateful hes willing to be there me while i come out to the rest of the world. he says he wants to be there for me. it means so much. but i dont think i can take much more emotional abuse. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[dfiant]

Lewis, You never had the guy and he is straight so you will never have the guy, so you have failed at nothing. You came out ot someone and there are risks in coming out, but you were brave and he says that he is still a friend. What happens now is all upto you. The only person that is emotionally abusing you is YOU.

You have to stop beating yourself up. You have been brave and you still have a friend, a friend that is prepared to stand by you, a friend that will never be your boyfriend, thats what you are going to have to put aside so that you can move on. This is going to affect any relationship you may go into until you learn that he is off limits and resolve your issue of being in love with a straight guy.

;-)

[Rainbowmum]

Lewis
,I am so very sorry babe, my heart is breaking for you, if I could mend your broken heart and take away your pain , I would do it in a heartbeat.

It might seem like the end of the world sweetie, but it's not, I know you can't see the silver lining yet , but it is there and you have grown into a very strong young man.
I am ever so proud of you, for having the intestinal fortitude to tell him, that was a very brave task that you accomplished , no small matter.

I know it will take some time for you to want to face him again , but please do not throw away a strong friendship, friends that can accept you warts and all , are very rare gems.
Please remember babe ,that you have no reason to feel ashamed, when all the dust settles you will see that you have gained a very good friend.

Sending you a huge mum hug.


Always here for you babe.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You will be OK... time mayn't actually heal all wounds, but time has a remarkable way of taking the sting out of them.

Look, you have a great friend there - one worth keeping. He stands by your side and understands if you want to not be friends. That is a rare gem of a person in your life.

I'm not just concurring with Mum, my own personal experience has been that a person like that is indeed a rare gem.

By all means do give yourself time, cry it out if you need to. You haven't lost anything here, you are not a terrible person.

Try to take a few deep breaths, you don't have to rush coming out to anyone else. No one is forcing you to do it all now.

[ManicReptile21]

thanks for the replies you guys. i thought about it. for the past few days. and you were right bowyn. time really did remove the sting. as in my heart is aleady repairing itself. it is true. i was never loved back from the start so i realize- yes- i beat myself up the past few days- for not saying anything earlier- and for letting myself get drawn into a situation like that. i think i grew. and now that its past us both, hopefully him and i will never argue again. because the truth was finally revealed. which means, him and i can mend properly for the first time ever. because im not holding out on him. i've decided.

i'll be his friend.

[pellaz]

you cant expect him to be gay any more than someone expecting you to be more straight. you got both feet on another path now. if you cry now; think of the emotion you will feel when you say good by to your first proper lover.

[ManicReptile21]

you cant expect him to be gay any more than someone expecting you to be more straight. you got both feet on another path now. if you cry now; think of the emotion you will feel when you say good by to your first proper lover.

thoughts like that also crossed my mind. and maybe thats why i was able to heal so fast. if i got wrecked for a very nice straight guy. i can only imagine when my first lover cheats on me or we have to say goodbye. maybe my heart isnt broken. maybe i just lost a small fragment of my soul and that was all. i'll live i guess....its sucks yes. and things might be awkward for awhile. but i dont think we'll argue again. i kinda made me real sad because during me coming out to him he asked. if i was really ever his friend. and that struck a nerve in my heart. no one should ever have to ask someone that. he was legitly concerned that i might've only cared about him because i had a crush on him. i dont know if my love will ever die for him. but with his revealing that he doesnt like me back. i can finally stop loving him THAT way. and maybe now we can just be good friends. i trusted him enough so far. he was always there for me. i would be greedy and selfish to abandon him because i liked him and screwed myself over. i cant let him suffer because of my mistake of not telling him sooner. it was my fault. and i think ill stop beating myself up now.

[Bookworm]

I'm glad the pair of you can remain friends, and that friendship will only grow stronger now that cards have been laid on the table and you've had that honest discussion with each other. He clearly cares and values your friendship.
Crushes can really mess with your head, its easy to get caught up in all kinds of imaginings and fantasies in your mind; the smallest, innocent gesture can be perceived as something its not.
Go easy on yourself, take time to reflect on it and put it down to experience for the road ahead. Its all part of the journey mile:

[zeon]

Hiya,
Its not emotional abuse that his giving... Firstly give him credit for not running away or calling you something unpleasant.. Secondly hunni friendship between two people is better than a relationship... Of course you still got those butterflies however dont wortry and dont panic because his not going to go anywhere and over time the boundary will be set in stone and your be abkle to love him as a friend

chin up mister your a fab guy

big hugz

zeon x

[FeverentReverie]

Definitely keep the friendship Friends are the best. He sounds like he's pretty supportive, and thats a great friend to have right now. I'd like to say that the feelings towards him will fade but i don't know for sure if they will Once you find interest in another guy then your focus will tend to go that way.