I'm confused need a better understanding

[Rutstuck]

I was watching a workout Instructional video and I normally don't get hard but ivwatched his muscles closely and I started to get a sensation on my penis and then I started to get hard. Is there a difference between getting aroused through thoughts and watching porn compared to actual sex?

I've noticed that homosexual thoughts and porn turn me on much more than straight porn and thoughts but when it comes to down to actual sex I'm also equally turned on.
Does the fact I get turned on more through gay thoughts indicate I may be gay but just don't want to admit?

The reason this confuses me is because if I am gay it would be weird because I just don't see myself being with another man as far as a romantic relationship goes.. I've always wanted to end up with a women and I've had some amazing sex with women and Ive enjoyed it so much I loved everybit of it and want to find that right girl who loves me for me and won't cheat on me. And on two occasions guys wanted to kiss me and I just did not want to I just wanted it strictly sexual I just wanted to have fun.

Also is it possible that people around me can see that I'm gay and that I may be on the closet? "according to them" I just get paranoid feelings that people and freinds think I am through my body language and voice sometimes even though I've been told I'm not gay acting or looking.


Another thing is I notice when I'm around my freinds I try to keep myself from staring at their crotches and I thought maybe I'm gay because I do this but then when I look at the way I am with everyone else I do the same thing even with my family lke my dad brother and my mom. So I'm not sure what to think of that.

If someone can help me understand these situations in the easiest way possible especially if if its possible im bi or gay or you think it sounds like i might end up gay I would really
appreciate it. Thanks

[pellaz]

when I'm around my friends I try to keep myself from staring at their crotches and I thought maybe I'm gay because I do this but then when I look at the way I am with everyone else I do the same thing

Your consumed by this thing. Give it some time.

I just don't see myself being with another man as far as a romantic relationship goes.. I've always wanted to end up with a women and I've had some amazing sex with women and want to find that right girl who loves me for me. And on two occasions guys wanted to kiss me and I just did not want to I just wanted it strictly sexual I just wanted to have fun.

The relationship part is mostly the same; gay, bi or straight. a gay boy is going to love you as much and in mostly the same way as that "right girl". If your gay too.

Also is it possible that people around me can see that I'm gay and that I may be on the closet? "according to them" I just get paranoid feelings that people and friends think I am through my body language and voice sometimes even though I've been told I'm not gay acting or looking.

Casual acquaintances dont see you have a Nazi pink triangle on your t-shirt, they dont know anything and dont care about you. Your closer to your parents and some friends and because you confide in them, you would have told them as much over the course of half a million words. There are more options now for gay people and there is no physical definition of a gay man.

I was watching a workout Instructional video and I normally don't get hard but iv watched his muscles closely ... Is there a difference between getting aroused through thoughts and watching porn compared to actual sex?

I've noticed that homosexual thoughts and porn turn me on much more than straight porn and thoughts but when it comes to down to actual sex I'm also equally turned on.
Does the fact I get turned on more through gay thoughts indicate I may be gay but just don't want to admit?

-It is not important not to label yourself and others. It is good to know what being comfortable with your self means. Than you can compare it to the people you meet in your life
-you being bi may be a transition from straight to gay. I feel you are not ready to accept your self if you were a gay man. You could be more open to trying some things, you should have kissed that guy. Than again you may indeed be the bi straight person.

[oldster]

ok you need to start being more honest and open to your self and your feelings with out always be wooring what will this make me it wont make you anything you are what you are you just meed to realize what you do and why you do it
perhaps your likeing gay porn and letting it excite you more is because it is the forbiden fruit
and that makes all the more desirable but you have to maintain your own self image.
in my youth we had a joke to try to loosen up guys that had these problems it goes like this
look you suck my cock i will suck yours you fuck me i fuck you bit dont dare kiss me cocksucker i am stright i started out as a stright normal kid and went with these gay guys for my pleasure never did any action my self except being masuclin top and all that but i starting thinking at the dances i never really danced with a girl or had been atracted to them dancedwith cousins and such when asked to by family only tryed to seduce one one time. but i never was hung up on what my imige to the world at large or my freinds and relatives so i never played the game thaat i wouldent do anything gay so start thinking bout why you refused to kis that guy and why you will only do things that pleasure yourself.
you find yourself staring at mens crotches guess what if you look around thats what guys that are gay or bi do to indicate they are instered in the guy and if the guy starts getting hard you know he is instered and watch for his signal to you that will lead to a quiet meeting.
ever heard of a perv stare guess what you just did
but so what look itis your liife and you will have to learn what you truely like and how to live with your feelings and desires some guys get warmed up with their maale partners then go and really have excited sex with their wives to either make themselves feel that they are more hetrosexual than homosexual most of this is in your head and in your culture and in your brainwashing must be one of thoesthat has been constantly telling you to supress thoes feelings and desires that feel perfectly normal to you but if you accept them as normal then you
must be one of thoes guys aand your not really ready to accept that beccause then you might like to do allthe things thoes guys do because there is a line on the ground and your either on one side or the other but there are as many diffrent type gays are there are g uys
some are entirely masulin and only do that to men and woman and others only play fem roles and there are veritstal which do either role so dont think we wre only sumisive if we wre gay and you canbe what ever you wish to be just giveing pleasure to another person
be it a man or a woman. Just let your natural self out to do wwhat it will with out others telling you if you do this you are a x and if you do that you are a y just be uand you will find a more satisfied life . think that will be agood start for you to think about

[Rutstuck]

Well I did not want to kiss him and I don't regret it I never care if I kiss a man in my life. Also the crotch thing happens with everyone I look at I'm afraid they will all catch me staring at their breasts or crotches iv even caught myself staring at my moms butt and I feel like she knows I've stared at her chest it's so awkward I think it has something to do with porn I've used it do much but I dunno. I just don't understand how I can love a man when my brain and heart has always wanted to be with s women and care for one its been that way for everit's just a sexual thing when it comes to men.

And I get anxiety about being gay because it's like everything I've wanted will be taken away from me and I will have to be romantically involved with men and like I said I just DON'T want that. Doesn't all this kind of make sense that I'm a guy who gets mote turned on sexually with men " only through porn and thoughts" even though i can have sex with men but when it comes to sex and love I want to be with a
women. If you say this could change why? And does me being more turned on by gay porn and thoughts
Indicate yes your gay?

[pellaz]

And I get anxiety about being gay because it's like everything I've wanted will be taken away from me

be anxiety free because the sad news being gay or straight relationships are mostly the same. nothing gets taken away from you. I still have the same straight male friends as i have always had when i was in a straight marriage. I have some great girl friends too. I still have the same aspirations in life. you can raise a family and have a functional career. go hunting, work on cars, vote republican and go to church.

Well I did not want to kiss him and I don't regret it I never care if I kiss a man in my life.

you need to get some experiences somehow? No one better to figure who you are than your self. Take pride who you are, give in a little to your self and explore.

I'm a guy who gets mote turned on sexually with men " only through porn and thoughts" even though i can have sex with men but when it comes to sex and love I want to be with a women.

gay or straight relationships are difficult to maintain. When things get bad, being able to lust for your partner is not a bad thing and may be the only thing holding the relationship together.
you have to get it together and know your on a path that exploited most or all of your skills. or carry a lot of garbage; like looking at crotches the rest of your life.

[jbd555]

Sounds like there are some social as well as religious pressures going inside your head. In the first place you are 23 years old.. at your age just about anything can get a man hard. I'm gay and I've watched a lot of gay porn, however sometimes I really enjoy straight porn too. I don't think this fact makes me bi.
It may be a moral issue as to why you didn't want to kiss that guy or maybe you're afraid you may have enjoyed it? And I can see why social pressures would let you believe you may lose everything if you decided to choose a gay relationship.
I use to think being bi would be fantastic ...... the best of both worlds but it can lead to confused emotions not only on your part but on the part of anyone who you start a relationship with. The fact that you don't want a relationship with a woman (or man) who may cheat on you speaks volumes about your morals which again is probably a product of your upbringing.
Think of this though, if your sex life with your partner becomes secondary in your relationship you should be sure the two of you love each other. If you want to stay with that person for the rest of your life changing sexual orientation midsteam can be devastating for your partner.
IMO I would consider speaking to someone who is a professional unbias person such as a counselor. From what I've read on this website just about everyone is pretty compassionate and gives freely of their experiences.... but these are just our experiences. Everyone is different... that's what makes this world so great! mile:

[nullnaught]

If I understood my human sexuality course properly, some people are more prone to fantasize about what they themselves consider forbiden or for some reason unattainable. Perhaps it is as much that as anything else? I believe it may be better for your peace of mind if you don't fret overmuch about where you'll end up and try more to enjoy the ride.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Confusion = Life. The only people who are not confused are dead.

I do not know how you identify 'gay' and 'straight' and 'bisexual'. We all have our own definitions.

Sexuality is not just sex. Sex is only a part of the whole thing.

I suspect - this doesn't mean its 100% hard fact - its only a gut feeling -

I suspect you are actually gay and are 'hiding' in a closet of denial because you have been taught that being gay is wrong. You post hints at fear - paranoia is a form of fear, I also get the impression your desire to be with a woman is more or less an issue of what is expected of you from parents and society, that the idea of being with a woman is what you want, not the real deal.

That you draw such a distinction when it comes to kissing tells me that you are afraid to explore it and see what your heart tells you.

After all its just a kiss... but you are repulsed by it. But you are not repulsed with anal and oral....

Many gay men start out not wanting to be gay, they go through their 'bisexual' phase where they insist up and down 'I'm not gay - its just sex'. They are striving to seek a balance between what society expects of them and what they really want. My gut tells me, based on what you have posted, that this is where you are.

[nullnaught]

Confusion = Life. The only people who are not confused are dead.

I do not know how you identify 'gay' and 'straight' and 'bisexual'. We all have our own definitions.

Sexuality is not just sex. Sex is only a part of the whole thing.

I suspect - this doesn't mean its 100% hard fact - its only a gut feeling -

I suspect you are actually gay and are 'hiding' in a closet of denial because you have been taught that being gay is wrong. You post hints at fear - paranoia is a form of fear, I also get the impression your desire to be with a woman is more or less an issue of what is expected of you from parents and society, that the idea of being with a woman is what you want, not the real deal.

That you draw such a distinction when it comes to kissing tells me that you are afraid to explore it and see what your heart tells you.

After all its just a kiss... but you are repulsed by it. But you are not repulsed with anal and oral....

Many gay men start out not wanting to be gay, they go through their 'bisexual' phase where they insist up and down 'I'm not gay - its just sex'. They are striving to seek a balance between what society expects of them and what they really want. My gut tells me, based on what you have posted, that this is where you are.

I am confused. If gay, bi, and straight are illdefined, then how can one be actually gay? Isn't it a lot more complex than that? I see dimensions here including what one's unconsious and therefore ultimately unknowable urges are, what one tells oneself about those urges, what one tell others, what one has actually done, what one will admit to oneself or remember having done, and what one will admit to others on has done. I am probably leaving out some possibilities. But my point is that I think the subject may be to complex to parse with such simple concepts as gay, bi, and straight.
Am I way off base here?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I am confused. If gay, bi, and straight are illdefined, then how can one be actually gay? Isn't it a lot more complex than that? I see dimensions here including what one's unconsious and therefore ultimately unknowable urges are, what one tells oneself about those urges, what one tell others, what one has actually done, what one will admit to oneself or remember having done, and what one will admit to others on has done. I am probably leaving out some possibilities. But my point is that I think the subject may be to complex to parse with such simple concepts as gay, bi, and straight.
Am I way off base here?

Yes it is complex, that is why he needs to define for himself what 'gay/bi/straight' is what those words mean.

We label our self as 'gay' 'bi' 'straight' depending on how we see ourselves.

Example: Technically I am 'bisexual' in that I can 'do it' with a woman (Meaning it is physically possible) and there have been a couple of women who have actually successfully turned my head. I identify as 'gay' simply because I have been with men and never been with a woman 'that way'.

Technically 'bi', self identified as 'gay'.

OP is going to have to draw his own conclusions what these words mean for himself. The label is one that he must make for himself and most likely he will change in in time depending on his circumstances. He might opt to view himself as 'straight' getting married, having kids and forgetting about playing with guys. Or he could find that right guy and decide 'I'm gay'.