Having a rough time of it...

[Joker]

Hey guys 'n' gals,

Some of you may remember me, i've been on here for years under various guises now, and i often pop back on, make some profound statement about how I'll stay properly this time, and then i promptly disappear again...

I'm not going to be as predictable as to say the same this time, but what can I say *maybe* i'll make good on my word this time.

I'm back really as I've always found this site to be a good friend, and it seemed like a good place to turn to really.

I feel like I'm having a really hard time at the minute, not in any extreme sense, in fact i feel like a selfish bastard for even complaining because on paper I don't have a bad life, but to me, I do at present, maybe I need some perspective.

I have a terrible habit of rambling endlessly for page upon page and I know how unpleasant that can be to read, so I'll try and be concise as I'd like people to read and reply

Basically, I started a job 3 or 4 months ago, that I thought I was going to love. It's what I wanted to do through Uni, and I got into the firm I wanted, the pay isn't exceptional, doesn't bother me too much. What does bother me is I just don't enjoy it. Simple as that. I like the people, I'm getting on fine, there's no *real* problems. I just don't like it. It's boring, and I don't care for the work. But i'm totally lost as to what to do now, i feel i should stick with it (it's a 3 year accountancy training contract by the way, so I'm a little tied in) and also what the hell would I do if i did pack it in instead?

So that's problem 1, problem 2, the age old problem, I really like someone, like REALLY like someone. I've had relationships before "been in love" but I have never had a connection with someone like I do with him. He's become like a best friend, we spend time together all the time, talk all the time, but after confessing my feelings, he told me that's all he wants. Friendship. But he gives off so many vibes that he wants the contrary, is it just wishful thinking? Is he maybe confused? I don't know, I know he has issues with his exes at present he's trying to work through.

Those are the main things I guess, there's other trivialities like I basically feel that since Uni ended, and my relationship with my ex ended, I have little to no friends left, well, other than the guy mentioned above really.

This is a very scattergun post I apologise, if I were you I don't think I'd know where to start in constructing a reply, but hopefully someone will as I'm feeling really quite lost at present, and a helping hand would be good...

[Bookworm]

Hello again Joker,

I would suggest staying there for now as the job market is pretty dire at the moment; at least look around for a new role whilst your still in employment rather than taking a risk by leaving in the hope you'll pick something up relatively quickly. It may not work out as you'd planned if you take that impulsive plunge, and you may find yourself far worse off.

As to the issue with this guy, I would respect his wishes for the moment. You've been honest and opened up to him about how you feel, and he hasn't run for the hills, so that's a good sign, but he says he just wants to be friends for now, so I'd go with that. Its entirely possible that your own feelings are getting in the way and perceiving these vibes to be something innocent perhaps? I don't know. You say he has issues with his ex's that he needs to work through so I would just be there for him as a friend and see how things pan out from there. He may come to appreciate you more for that support and see you in a different light. You never know mile:

[dfiant]

G Day Joker

Yeah tricky one that. A job is a job is a job and there are all sorts of hassles that come with a job, as far as I am concerned one of the worst environments you can work in is one where collegues are hard to get along with, back stabbing etc, you don't have that, you simply aren't being challenged by your job but work with a great bunch of people. I wouldn't chuck the job in, I would suggest you look as some opportunities to make your job a little more challenging.

As far as guys issues go, it doesn't matter what you think and feel about a guy, what matters is what the guys SAYS and that is what you have to respect 100%. If he says that all he wants is friendship, then that is all you are going to get, that may change, who knows. If you choose not to respect that and keep the pressure on, you will only back him into a corner and that will cause resentment.

Be to him what he is to you, a good friend, andf as someone that is having a hard time with ex's, he needs nothing more than a good friend, be that good friend and you will build a friendship that will stand the test of time. a good friendship can be harder to come by than a good relationship.

[Joker]

I'm just really loathe to spend my time and then eventually I presume my life doing something I'm not enjoying. Life is short enough as it is, I just don't see why I should do something for what takes up such a vast portion of my life doing something I'm not enjoying. If you know what I mean.

I guess maybe it comes back to me never really being able to reconcile myself to the idea of 'work', I've always struggled to break the mentality of "Why can't I just do what I want to do with my time?", the answer of course being money, but that's a whole new area I could ramble on for ages.

[Joker]

Oh and as for the guy, I know what you all mean, his friendship is so so important to me, and we are like best friends, I've said it, he's said it. I just know I could do so much more for him, help fill all the parts of his life he struggles with, be that person who is there for him and vice versa. It's not some passing physical attraction its so much more than that. I genuinely believe we could enrich each others lives so very very much.

That's why I'm so reluctant and so against to just letting it go, even though I know its the right thing to do! It's just so frustrating.

[Almac]

Hi Joker, I don't think I need to say this but I will there are thousands and thousands of graduates that can't find work, so my advice is stay put, because if you leave, you may end up being on the dole for a good long time? Ask yourself would you want dole money and no social life at all or the money you get in wages, which I presume gives you a social standing and money in your pocket?

[Joker]

Well I wouldn't say my wage gives me a social standing, money in my pocket certainly, but no social credibility I wouldn't say, I'd hope not too, wouldn't really want to be in a position where I have social kudos purely due to earning a wage...

But no, you are right though, it would be incredibly foolish to just give up on the job because "i don't enjoy it all that much" with nothing else to go to. Which is why I'd never do it unless I had an idea of what to move on to. It's just frustrating, I don't want to waste my life not enjoying it.
(I tried winning the lottery to avoid these problems, only got 1 number, so I don't think that'll work )

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You are only 22 years of age.

it's a 3 year accountancy training contract by the way, so I'm a little tied in Training - I presume that this will look good on your resume in future. That is all you are really supposed to be doing as a young adult - building a foundation for your resume to look good.

Work is just that - work. Few of us actually do get into doing something we like, and often when we do we end up hating the job. This is perfectly normal. If all you ate was ice cream eventually you would come to hate ice cream too.

Even game testers who test games for a living (one would assume that would be an awesome job) come to be bored and even hate the job. It is the nature of work. Get used to it you will be doing work for several decades to come.

Problem 2: Experience is the greatest teacher. Experience is full of failure. Again, get used to it, you have several decades ahead of you of failures. :tongue:

You gambled the heart, the heart got broken. No he is not into you - he said so, move on. Sure he might change his mind, but don't make the mistake of sticking around waiting for a might.


Those are the main things I guess, there's other trivialities like I basically feel that since Uni ended, and my relationship with my ex ended, I have little to no friends left, well, other than the guy mentioned above really.

Yeah it always seems the Ex always gets custody of the friends. Get used to it... Again you have decades.....

Ultimately you will be OK. Time wounds all heels. Wait, I meant time heals all wounds... actually it does both.

You WILL be OK.