Up and Down

[Jason74]

Well from past experiences it has seemed that some of the guys that I would date like 50% would freak out if I just wanted solo time, yet maybe things have changed with guys and perhaps they are not like that way, or perhaps I just dated the wrong guys :biggrin:

[LateBloomer]

You just reminded me of something you wrote in your first post that I wanted to respond to but I forgot...

Yet once in awhile the desire to be with another guy will come along and I want so badly to just hook up with someone and have sex. Then part of me whimps out and doesn't do it and I end up just going to x tube or somewhere like that and jerking off to gay porn and then I am good for another brief time until the next time I feel like that again.

This really struck a chord with me.

For YEARS, I used porn and masturbation as a surrogate for normal healthy intimate/sexual relations.

I had a flat out FEAR of intimacy from adolescence through my mid-30s.

I remember one of my sociology teachers talking about how masturbation is no longer considered "dysfunctional"...BUT (there's always a "but") only if we preferred sex over masturbation.

For most of my life I preferred masturbation over sex, but not any longer.

My craving for intimacy (I guess after so many years without it) is fucking RAVENOUS. Now when I'm struck with the "urge" I think if I'm gonna bother to go through the motions of jerking off, I should find a partner for AT LEAST mutual hand jobs.

Yes, stranger sex is risky and everything, we already know that, we're adults, but God gave us a brain and judgment, etc, we should use it.

So I actually have a point to all this, and here it is:
Don't be selfish with your sexuality.

It was meant to be SHARED. And it's so much better when you GIVE of yourself and let someone else GIVE to you.

Find a partner.

Don't live like I did for years and years.

Best.

[Bookworm]

Well from past experiences it has seemed that some of the guys that I would date like 50% would freak out if I just wanted solo time, yet maybe things have changed with guys and perhaps they are not like that way, or perhaps I just dated the wrong guys :biggrin:

I enjoy my solo time too whenever i'm in a relationship. We are all unique and react differently to the whole relationship dynamic, but, I have noticed over the years that I have found myself side-lined by close friends who sometimes focus all their energy into a relationship, and forget the people that have been there for them throughout their life, through the good times and the bad times. Then, when the relationship goes south, I suddenly have to be there for them again as if this was my only role in life. I'm not complaining though really, that's what best friends are for I guess :biggrin:

This is why solo time is important to me, Its not just for me, it affords me some space to include and catch up with people who are also important to me in my life. It can be a challenging balance to get right. Its even better if you can combine both ( I noticed in what I'd written that it sounded like I always keep my relationship world separate from my friends/acquaintances world) :redface: