High schooler in need of help

[Nikki]

I'm just beginning to come to terms with my sexuality, so I'm still in the closet, but I just found out that my school has a support group for LGBT students and allies. I'm really interested in it but I don't want my friends to know that I'm going there. I'm the type of person who is ALWAYS with their friends, and I just can't think of a way to leave them so I can go to the group. It's at lunch btw so it's not a class that I can simply add to my schedule in private. Does anyone have any ideas that could help me "sneak out"? I'm also wondering if anyone has gone through this before, I'd really like your advice .

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmm. This is what I am reading here:

"Help me hide from my so called friends because they are not really my friends, they are just people I hang with because I feel I must have a whole bunch of people around me to be 'someone'."

Eventually you are going to have to look up 'friend' and 'acquaintance' and learn the difference: http://www.inspirationalstories.com/10/1037.html is a good place to start.

Also, you are going to have to draw a line here and decide its OK to be alone - Alone does not mean lonely.

Helping you to "sneak out" is asking us to make up lies for you, to find ways to 'cheat' the social ethics of being social.

If you actually need to get time on your own, then just don't show up and meet these 'friends'. Beg off, tell them you have something else to do. You don't have to tell them what, just tell them you are busy.

They most likely will not miss you.... One or two might.... but then that is one of the many differences between friend and acquaintance.....

[azulai]

Hi, Nikki.
I found it difficult to take those first steps, too. Each of our circumstances is different and you have to do what YOU feel comfortable with and in your own time. Don't let anyone rush you in outing yourself especially while in school.

Why don't you find out who is the advisor/sponsor of the support group at school and find out if they ever meet off campus?

Also, remember that the way you describe the group, it is also for allies -- who is to say you are not an ally in the eyes of your friends? This may be a way for you to take baby steps with your friends, judge their reactions and start getting more comfortable identifying as gay.

I found it much easier "preparing" my family and friends with hints of how I felt on certain social issues a little at a time so that they weren't quite surprised, IYKWIMAITYD.

Take it easy and write back.

[dfiant]

I kinda agree with Bowyn to and extent, but on the other side of the coin I can understand what you mean. You have found something that you identify with but not ready to let everyone know that you are gay. It's ok to be scared, it's brave to do something that you know is right for you even though you are scared.

Coming out is a big deal, but as Bowyn has said in a far more subtle way ;-), it is also a time when you discover who your real friends are, your sexuality won't matter to you real friends, and the ones that turn on you for being gay were never you friends to start with so you are much better off with out them.

Joining a group, you will make new friends anyway, you will walk away with friend from the GLBT group who are in the same place as you and you will feel the whole world lift off your shoulders because they will know exactly what you are thinking and feeling because that went through what you are going through.

Be brave, just go to the support group, you will meet knew people and you will learn what people already in your life are the most precious to you.

Be brave

[Nikki]

To Bowyn,
I understand how you could think that, but I left that big circle of "friends" last year. They weren't mean or anything, they just didn't feel like the kind of people that I wanted to hang out with. I'm not trying to be "someone" when I hang out with my friends, but what needs to be understood is that I can't be all of me around them. Especially since I'm in love with one of them (which really sucks btw since she has a boyfriend). I just know that if I tell them that I'm going to the group, or flat out that I'm a lesbian that things between me and her and my other friends would never be the same (at least not for a while). I'm not worried that they won't accept me when I tell them because we've all had a conversation about gay marriage together, and we all had the same views. Plus one of them participated in the Day of Silence with me.
I just want things to stay the same for a little longer :/ .

To Azulai,
Thank you for your advice, and yes I think I get what you mean Sadly I'm not ready for baby steps when it comes to my family yet.

To Dfiant,
Thank you for understanding. I totally agree with what you mean about finding friends in the support group. My main goal for the group was to see and meet other people like me and to see what they had to say about being gay and coming out and such ;D.