Unhappy huge crush on straight childhood best friend

[Anonymous]

I've got a major crush on my best friend, we've been best of buds since junior high but lately I've developed strong feelings for him and I am not sure where to turn. We hang out almost daily and calls each other on regular basis and doing most together.

It was maybe some months ago I figured my own sexuality and there has been many ups and downs from there on. I have not came out of the closet but as time goes all I want is to, but I am afraid and so insecure. How people will react, how my parents will react, etc... But also, am I really who I claim to be?

Anyhow down to business. Lately all I got on my mind is "Mike", dreaming of us together. I've never find my self so attracted to another person like him in my life... his eyes, his hair, his body, his voice, even his smell intoxicates me. Just being with him enlightens my day, but it hurts also so much being with him... That no matter what, he will never feel the same for me, as I feel for him. I am tired of all tears that has fallen.

What shall I do? He is my best friend although and been since little, but I can't hide my feelings for ever, and I'm tired of feeling hurt. All I want inside is being with him, but I know it wont.

[DarkDaisuke]

Oh you poor thing I think every gay goes through this at some point in their lives, at least most do. My own; I never told him because well 1. I didn't have the courage to and 2. I know hes not gay.
Best thing you can do is tell yourself repeatedly despite whatever signs you think you see that he's not gay if he isn't.

On telling him; depends on his opinion of gay people then again Ive had a friend surprise me with that. Really depends on if he's a good friend, or just flaky. Then again Ive had good friends pull crap.

Anyways, basically, I know you're probaly thinking there's no way any of these guys understand the way he flirts, touches, or whatever else he does, but believe me when I say this; so does every other gay guy who has been in love with a straight man. There have been some exceptions, but its very rare.

So overall just be strong in this challenge and I promise if you can get over this, then the rest of your challenges in love will seem like nothing At least thats my experience ^^;

[posterpicture]

Confess.
If he feels the same then that is good. Have a good sex.
If he doesn't then move on. There are plenty of hot/cute/charming/nice/affordable guys out there.

[pellaz]

get a proper gay boy friend first. Everything else will fall into place. A gay having a male friend is some what like a straight guy just friends with a girl. Except the straight guy and girl know whats happening.

[Thibideau]

I can sympathize with your situation. I've been head ove heels for a straight friend for almost a year now. There really is no right answer to your problem, only the one you settle with. Telling him can change things that maybe you don't want to change. Not telling him would mean letting the feelings continue and sort of consume your life. Honestly, I think starting the process of coming out of the closet would help in the long run but that's just my opinion.

My advice. When you go to a museum and you stand too far away from a painting you can't see any of the detail, when you stand too close all you see are blotches of colour. Right now you're a little to close. Try taking a few steps back and letting your brain take in the whole picture. The crush, the love you feel may never go away, but it will change and you won't feel so crazy anymore. You have to see your life without him in it from time to time. That's not to say cut him out of your life, just realize who you are without him in around.

[LateBloomer]

I can sympathize with your situation. I've been head ove heels for a straight friend for almost a year now. There really is no right answer to your problem, only the one you settle with. Telling him can change things that maybe you don't want to change. Not telling him would mean letting the feelings continue and sort of consume your life. Honestly, I think starting the process of coming out of the closet would help in the long run but that's just my opinion.

My advice. When you go to a museum and you stand too far away from a painting you can't see any of the detail, when you stand too close all you see are blotches of colour. Right now you're a little to close. Try taking a few steps back and letting your brain take in the whole picture. The crush, the love you feel may never go away, but it will change and you won't feel so crazy anymore. You have to see your life without him in it from time to time. That's not to say cut him out of your life, just realize who you are without him in around.

Sage advice.



I've written elsewhere about my "crush" (or love) of a straight friend of mine from college. Pretty much wrecked me for a year or two...didn't even recognize what I was feeling at the time.

But as you say, time and distance allows perspective. We're still friends today and I'd do anything for him but I'm not "wrecked" like I used to be.