Asking the top or bottom ?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I can understand the frustration you have here.

Why waste 3-4 dates finding out about this person to discover you are both tops or bottoms and neither wants to give in to the other....? On another forum there are dozens of 'We are both Tops/Bottoms, what do we do?'. Most are several months down the road and the issue is a 'big one' for them and their enjoyment of sex.

I think anyone who is seriously looking for a relationship like yourself will consider sexual compatibility. Mind you are going to have to make an effort to have this 'conversation' after a date or two when you start figuring out if this guy is compatible and a potential relationship material sort.

You can go the blunt way - after all when you meet the guy you are obviously going to tell him 'Hey look, I'm not looking for just a hook up here. I want a relationship' If you are going that far already then you might as well list a few other things.

Be honest:

"In past relationships lying has been an issue, I cannot stand a partner who lies. Steals and cheats... Oh and he has got to be a bottom."

Add that last as a bit of comic relief. I think most guys will find the no lying, no stealing, no cheating to be reasonable - the comic humor of the last line will send a message if you include a nice smile with it, perhaps a chuckle and a wink.

Slip it in their.

[LateBloomer]

Slip it in their...

Slip it in their what?

:tongue:

Sorry couldn't resist.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Slip it in their what?

:tongue:

Sorry couldn't resist.

Their/there - same difference.

:tongue:

My mind tends to think one thing, my fingers type something else.

I also get think and thing confused. My Latin is even worse.... thankfully I wasn't one to copy the bible and other works back in the middle ages - we would have something very much different.

[fenris]

Fenris I wouldn't level it to a fetish or preference. For many including myself its akin to a sexual orientation. Just like I cant be with a woman I can't have a normal relationship if someone is not sexually compat.

I understand what you mean ...really good, who don't want the "all in one package" but I had the fears that I would miss a great guy when I would restrict my search.
A much better solution of this problem can be - by example - to talk honestly with the partner and maybe looking for a "sportfriend" :-) Then in the same way as a partner can be maybe not your 100% sex-compatible partner is the chance given that you are not the 100% compatible partner for your partner.
Sex is overrated ( for me ) but I have experiences with a 5 year relationship, a 7 year relationship and a 11 year relationship... and the saying with the beans ( give a bean in a glass for every time you have sex with your partner in the first year.... and take one bean out of the glass for every time you have sex with your partner from the second year and the glass never will be empty ) is not a complete myth

[Gaydude3]

I can understand the frustration you have here.

Why waste 3-4 dates finding out about this person to discover you are both tops or bottoms and neither wants to give in to the other....? On another forum there are dozens of 'We are both Tops/Bottoms, what do we do?'. Most are several months down the road and the issue is a 'big one' for them and their enjoyment of sex.

I think anyone who is seriously looking for a relationship like yourself will consider sexual compatibility. Mind you are going to have to make an effort to have this 'conversation' after a date or two when you start figuring out if this guy is compatible and a potential relationship material sort.

You can go the blunt way - after all when you meet the guy you are obviously going to tell him 'Hey look, I'm not looking for just a hook up here. I want a relationship' If you are going that far already then you might as well list a few other things.

Be honest:

"In past relationships lying has been an issue, I cannot stand a partner who lies. Steals and cheats... Oh and he has got to be a bottom."

Add that last as a bit of comic relief. I think most guys will find the no lying, no stealing, no cheating to be reasonable - the comic humor of the last line will send a message if you include a nice smile with it, perhaps a chuckle and a wink.

Slip it in their.

I love your idea of slipping it in there as a joke to lighten the situation. The response can be a pleasant surprise and possibly bring up the subject matter.