I think I'm depressed. Or it is just a shit day. I feel like coming here to rant hope you don't mind
Today was like most. Got out of bed at 12. Played playstation. Cleaned up. Asked brother if he could help with making dinner so mum would be happy. He didn't want to cos he is a lazy fuck. I'v still go no job. Mum keeps on at me about it and how I lost my last one. That dosnt help. I was off to my room cos my brother was making too much noise and the tv was on loud and I wanted quiet. Then my mum asked me where I was going. I told her i was off to my room. She asked 'why?' I repolyed cos I want quiet. Then she asked why again. and then I told her again. and the she said fine as if I had done something wrong. I just want to cry latley about some stuipid things. i feel like I'm going no where in life. And I just feel like a drop kick. and also I'v not been to see many of my friends for weeks.
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Sorry to hear about your trouble dude. Your mom is probably just disappointed because she likes having you around. Mine is doing the same thing every time I need to escape for a few minutes to check email or to just be alone. Annoying, but I see where it's coming from. I'm pretty sure everybody goes through a stage where they want to cry for no apparent reason. It sounds like you're just really bored. If you're into exercise, go for a long run. It will wear you out so you sleep better, the endorphins will make you feel better, and it's a great excuse to be alone for a little while.
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today wasnt cool here either, guess got to fix things if possible
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Kiid, just proceed with preparing meal for your mom even without your brother's help. Same thing with chores whatsoever. You can't rely on your brother. You can do all these by yourself because you know you can carry responsibilities.
Don't worry much with job. Continue to seek around but don't put pressure on yourself. You're 19, Kiid. I sought my first job after 25.
Hope things will get better for your slowly. We are here for your mate.
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Oh goody, Lets compare notes.
When I was 15 I was out in the tobacco fields after school and during school breaks. It paid $5.00 an hour for hard, intensive labor.
This was 1981, minimum wage was $3.10. $5.00 an hour in Kentucky back then was 'good money'. Considering I rented a house for $150.00 a month when I was 17 you can tell how good that money was.
But it was hard labor, sweaty, dirty, back breaking labor.
I lived with my father who had 15 acres of 'homestead' - basically hilly clay and limestone that we worked the soil to turn a minor profit and eat. We didn't have running water (unless you consider running to the well to fetch water as running water), didn't have electricity and went to the toilet in an outhouse over a hole the the ground that got empties once a year by yours truly with a wheel barrel and a shovel - a real crappy job. I woke up at 4 AM and started my morning chores, hauling in wood for the days heating and before we got the propane stove, cooking.
Hauling in about 50 gallons of water one 5 gallon bucket at a time in order for all three of us to 'bathe' and do dishes and have drinking water for the day. Open up the chicken coop, feed the chickens, feed the ducks, slop the pig, put the horses out to pasture, muck the stable, put down fresh straw, pull out a bale or two of hay for the horses THEN eat breakfast, grab my books and drive off to school. Study and learn for the school day, jump in my car and drive out to work tobacco fields until near sundown, drive the 15 miles home to lock up the coop, and haul in more wood and lots of other minor 'chores' done either by the light of the moon or by the light of a kerosene hurricane lamp.
I moved out of my fathers house when I was 17, (1983) got my own place, managed to continue school and hold down a job and pay for rent, bills, groceries, car, gasoline.
As soon as I got out of high school I went directly to community college, pulling 35 units and holding down a full time job. I put myself through seminary doing construction work and painting - more hard labor, try hanging dry wall or being on top of a roof in 100+F temperatures spreading hot tar. 1985-1988
1989 I was doing ministry work AND working at a 'uptown' hotel in Las Vegas - one of those big fancy hotels that rented rooms by the hour.... It was grimy work - not grimy like the dirt in tobacco fields or the dust of construction, morally grimy. The job paid $8.00 an hour, minimum wage by that time was around $5.00 an hour.
I also volunteered at hospice-like programs for the the time I was in seminary and my post seminary minister work in order to get my Doctorate in Ministry. That is a no profit sort of grimy work, were you get to deal with human suffering and see the cruel face of death. I was in my early twenties 19-24 dealing with prostitutes and AIDS victims, working the graveyard shift at a flea bag hotel in order to pay for my room and board, spending Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings smiling and acting like all was good in the world while being a deacon. This doesn't include the period of time I lived at the Friary and worked hard keeping the house with the brothers.
Then there is the period of where I worked construction for a big company after I decided my call to serve the Church was not really a Call to Serve God - I wasted several years on pursing a dead-end career. It wasn't until about 15 years ago that I decided to switch up and go to work for myself. Underlying my 20's there was problems with drugs and alcohol, which I didn't manage to understand I had a problem until I was 29 - 16 years ago.
For the past 15 years I have worked for myself in my own construction company.
In there is the 'accident' and my having my knee wrecked to where I spend most days using a cane or just limping - spending every day in lots of pain. This does not include the blown disk in my neck, the loss of sensation in my left pinky and ring finger, the several operations I have had transposing nerves and 'repairing' the knee (this is a joke, nothing came of it except a little pain relief).
I haven't slept to noon since I was about 12 years old. Well I take that back, 4 years ago after they transposed my ulnar nerve I manged to sleep to noon the day after the operation - mind it was a drugged sleep.
You are complaining that you are cooking a meal? Complaining because you played PlayStation and slept to noon?
Lets put that life in perspective Kiid....
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Depressed.
