I am in a straight relationship but I am not sure if he is straight

[Lonely]

i think most of the posts b4 me said exactly what i needed to say...
he might be in denial now... he obviously loves u... admitting something like that to you clearly shows how much he loves u...

all u need to do is just to sit there and talk with him honestly about his feelings and what life style he wants to lead...

if its just a phase.... then i wish u the best in ur future ...
Gay... Bi ... or whatever.... then i really hope that u can find the strength in ur heart to by pass ur feelings for him and be always there whenever he needs u... and i cant promise it wont be easy specially that i can see that u love him so much already

[AirBorn]

I like your quote Lonely

hmmmm: I wish you the best sweetheart. I am with a bi man and it is hard sometimes. He came out to me on November 14, 2011, so not so long ago. He and I have been together for 9 YEARS! and I never knew, not even one passing thought (tell right up to the time he came out to me). It takes a lot of strength and unconditional love to pull through the hard times in this type of situation and it can be draining. Try to keep yourself happy (as much as you can), but do stick by his side. If you love him, then it is worth it. He needs your support more now then ever. Its tough to suck it up and be unconditionally unselfish, but think about it if the tables were turned, you would want that type of support from him.

If you need anything you are welcome to message me.

[hmmmm]

Thanks for all your answers.

To you closetman: I don't think that I was the one who took the initiative to start the relationship. We met each other in a train the first time, and he said that he had immediately fallen for me at this point. He was the one who suggested the date and asked for my cell number. I swear, there was no reason to think that he would have homosexual interests.
I can remember the summer when we spent our holiday in the US traveling the East Coast. We spent one week in Soho and when went home from the shop to our flat many gay men were looking at him (I mean he looks really very very good ;-) ) and he was flattered.. But I am also flattered if a lesbian... Maybe men are different at that point.

The thing is, I really think he thinks that I am very attractive and I also feel that he is attracted to me. We talked that night and he also confirmed that, even when I told him that it wouldn't be a big deal if he is into men.. that I would still support him and that he wouldn't hurt me that much because I am not able to change this fact anyway. He said that he is into men and women, but more into women.
The only fear is, that he might wants to try more with a man. I am his first girlfriend and he wasn't able to have sexual contact with a man. I am really afraid that he might wants to try this and thinks that it's better than I am.

I decided, that I will rethink the whole situation for the next two weeks and thank choose what I want. Especially because the risk is so high that he might wants to try how things work with men. And to me loyality is so important

[hmmmm]

And AirBorn since I can only send you a message after 20 posts I want to ask you if you would mind to send me your e-mail address. You can be sure that I will use it confidential :-) Or you just write me an mail :-) It would be so great if I could ask you some questions

[closetman]

Thanks for all your answers.

To you closetman: I don't think that I was the one who took the initiative to start the relationship. We met each other in a train the first time, and he said that he had immediately fallen for me at this point. He was the one who suggested the date and asked for my cell number. I swear, there was no reason to think that he would have homosexual interests.
I can remember the summer when we spent our holiday in the US traveling the East Coast. We spent one week in Soho and when went home from the shop to our flat many gay men were looking at him (I mean he looks really very very good ;-) ) and he was flattered.. But I am also flattered if a lesbian... Maybe men are different at that point.

The thing is, I really think he thinks that I am very attractive and I also feel that he is attracted to me. We talked that night and he also confirmed that, even when I told him that it wouldn't be a big deal if he is into men.. that I would still support him and that he wouldn't hurt me that much because I am not able to change this fact anyway. He said that he is into men and women, but more into women.
The only fear is, that he might wants to try more with a man. I am his first girlfriend and he wasn't able to have sexual contact with a man. I am really afraid that he might wants to try this and thinks that it's better than I am.

I decided, that I will rethink the whole situation for the next two weeks and thank choose what I want. Especially because the risk is so high that he might wants to try how things work with men. And to me loyality is so important

Hi , I think I understand your boyfriend's situation... well because i am Bi...and I am not even sure about that yet. Pretty similar to his situation in fact , just that i am not in a straight relationship and not as hot Xd.

Well judging by what you said, he got be attracted to you! The thing is , even if he is really also physically attracted to man and he tried something out with a guy, it's very like just 'physically comforting' to him. I always think that in a relationship, the mental attraction is much more important than the physical attraction, well love is about trust and trust is nothing physical but purely mental. ... so ... there is really nothing to worry about as he showed that there is still trust existing between you two by confessing this dilemma he faces. As you said, he is not totally physically into man only... so you are still in a very good position at the moment. In fact , it could be that after he tried he would find it not as tempting as he thought... it is possible that it's just a pulsation ...

I think letting him try it but keep being the supporting person at his back and show him your care will be fine... As i said , if it's just a pulsation , then obviously he would go back to you and congratulations , you two's relationship will have a big leap forward after this. If the worst comes to the worst, well , you still have a strong trust with him ... just tell him how much physical attraction is less important... In fact , if you don't want him to explore his orientation, just try to convince him physical attraction's not what matters because if he does care about you , that means his mind is attracted to you only .. with the most important requirement ,trust , nothing should be holding back you two's relationship . why bother to figure out if he is also attracted to guys in that case!

Well i am kind of thinking out of this from my own position.. because i believe mental and physical attractions are separated... i can't tell if it is the same for him as well.. I do wish you all best , once again. True love is hard to find, so seize it tight =D .

[hmmmm]

I have very bad news. Last evening he was soooooo sure that he would love me and that I am so attractive and altough he was so busy he came over (45min drive) just to give me one kiss. As you can imagine, I also had a lot of questions so the deal was that he would call today.. what he also did

so i was asking him questions like since when he knows that or if he is sure that he can resist the "temptation" men, since there hasn't been more yet. He said he doesn't know and that in opposit to yesterday today it's half half (half love, half temptation), so he can't promise me anything.
I was really sooooo sad (I mean, I still cry ) that I am not sure if i can go on like this. I mean I know 3 couples who are divorced now because the husband was bi and wanted to try more with men). I know I probably just should let him try, but my fear is too big that he likes men more than women. So the only solution was to split up. I am really really really very sad about it, but I just can't go on like this. We were talking about marriage, I always thought that everything is perfect.
I hope it wasn't the wrong decision but I can't imagine a relationship with someone who doesn't know if he can be loyal :frown:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Since he is in a relationship with a woman, and only 'sometimes' has these feelings, most likely he is really bisexual.

Our society tends to be a little black and white - Bisexuality gets third billing in many cases and is never mentioned. You are either Gay or Straight - Bisexual usually isn't accepted by either gays or straights as a 'viable' sexual orientation.

His depression most likely is due to the conflict that we have through society that tells us any interest in the opposite gender is 'gay'. Of course he is in a relationship with you, most likely loves you and only thinks of it when 'stuff happens'.

He is OK. Its perfectly normal to think about the potentials. He doesn't have to act on it, unless he wants to. Of course I assume you two are monogamous - this is going to be no different than occasionally thinking about other women, again he doesn't have to think about it.

He needs to understand that bisexuality is perfectly OK, if he doesn't want to physically do it - fine, no one is holding a gun to his head.

[oldster]

i would say part of this depends on your addatude could you handel a bi relationship or are of the opinon thaat if a guy sleeps with another guy then he is gay. when i read your writings i get no hint except you are realy into this guy on a both physical and emotional basis so you need to think from your point of view first since it is utamitly your choice do you love him enough to share him even if that means you may be exposeing your self to real physical danger i understand he has not acted on any of his feelings yet but if he dose it with the curiousety he has and he meets the right person to "brake him in " be the strong masulin person that is in the back of his mind and he feels weak kneed and just
some how at that moment goes further than he expected to it is a possibality that he may be more desirus of more and more contact i have met lots of bi familes where both are bi but now days it is a diffrent world i had a simular situation but i decited that i loved himenough to let him go sexualy and just had a emotional relationship for like 15 years till he passed and we slept in the same bed and continued the same as we had for 25 years except no sex i dont have sex with stright men but i wanted him to be happy it was much more important than mine so i just steped into the back ground
i just hope that you two can still be solemates if things get out of hand for you .