So my boyfriend of 8 years dumped me 2 months ago because he "needed more." He had planned a trip to Florida for both of us and a week before I found out from work I didnt have the time to go. He was pretty upset and we got into a huge fight and he hit me (I hit him back, and held him down until he calmed down). He said he needs more, a guy who is going to travel with him blah blah blah.
So the first few weeks I did well. I started dieting and going to the gym everyday. Ive lost 10 lbs. When my gradfather died a couple weeks ago he called and left a message saying hes still here for me and I should give him a call. And then on Christmas he sent me a text saying "merry MERRY Christmas." like he was being goofy, which is what attracted us to each other.
But the last week or so, I've been so down. Feeling so awful. It just keeps going over in my mind how badly he treated me. I was loyal and stood by him, always there for him when he wasnt "feeling like himself." I even stood by him after he crashed his truck one drunken night, despite the fact that my brother was killed by a drunk driver. I still stood by him and helped him recover.
Im just so...depressed. I feel like crap. To have someone who you were with for 8 years, leave you because he "needs more." What kind of crap is that?
And this always happens after he takea a trip to Florida. Its like he sees what is down there and its this wonderful paradise, then comes back up here to reality and takes it out on me. He broke up with me last year to pursue a relationship with a guy from florida but came back in January after he realized it wasnt going to work out.
I'm just crawling out of my skin right now with anxiety.
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Sorry to hear that from you. Yeah, it's pretty hard to put down everything, especially in your case (8 years!). What i would advice is that, take your time to get off from that, stay away from him so that he wouldn't hurt you anymore and you deserve a better one in life! Cheers! You have us to be with you and just let me know if you ever need someone to talk to.  mile:
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RegularNiceGuy Wrote:So my boyfriend of 8 years dumped me 2 months ago because he "needed more." He had planned a trip to Florida for both of us and a week before I found out from work I didnt have the time to go. He was pretty upset and we got into a huge fight and he hit me (I hit him back, and held him down until he calmed down). He said he needs more, a guy who is going to travel with him blah blah blah.
So the first few weeks I did well. I started dieting and going to the gym everyday. Ive lost 10 lbs. When my gradfather died a couple weeks ago he called and left a message saying hes still here for me and I should give him a call. And then on Christmas he sent me a text saying "merry MERRY Christmas." like he was being goofy, which is what attracted us to each other.
But the last week or so, I've been so down. Feeling so awful. It just keeps going over in my mind how badly he treated me. I was loyal and stood by him, always there for him when he wasnt "feeling like himself." I even stood by him after he crashed his truck one drunken night, despite the fact that my brother was killed by a drunk driver. I still stood by him and helped him recover.
Im just so...depressed. I feel like crap. To have someone who you were with for 8 years, leave you because he "needs more." What kind of crap is that?
And this always happens after he takea a trip to Florida. Its like he sees what is down there and its this wonderful paradise, then comes back up here to reality and takes it out on me. He broke up with me last year to pursue a relationship with a guy from florida but came back in January after he realized it wasnt going to work out.
I'm just crawling out of my skin right now with anxiety.
Sorry to hear that. I wish I had some advice for you but I am kinda am amature. I am sure you will find someone that will appriciate you and it will get better with time. Hang in there bud
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Well, it sounds like you KNOW that the relationship was dysfunctional. He did not seem to value you like you should be valued or he would not be so easily tempted to leave you. That sort of behavior, "you be what i want you to be and do what I want you to do or I will leave you" is a form of emotional abuse. You need to find something different. You are still young and there are lots of opportunities for you to find someone who does value you for who you are.
As far as the depression you are experiencing, that can only be expected. It is natural that you should struggle with the end of an eight year relationship. Augment that with finding yourself single during the Holidays for the first time in years, and it makes it an even harder time. What I would do to combat the blues is see a counselor or find a close and steady friend who doesn't mind you spilling your guts to them once or twice a week. Make sure you are getting out of the house. That you are spending as much time as possible with friends. Make sure that you are using this as an opportunity to work on you and what you want for yourself. It sounds like your a good person, and you deserve some good things to happen for you. Make them happen, and when you are ready again, get back out there and look for the man you deserve.
It is ironic. Your X was never satisfied, thinking that he was settling for you and was always drawn to "greener pastures" or sandier beaches. But, from everything you said, it sounds like you were the one who was settling for less than what you deserved. Keep that in mind, and you will do fine.
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May I ask...did you post about this maybe a year or more ago? I remember a story exactly the same except for the part about coming back and the Merry Christmas which would be new developments. If I remember correctly...alcohol was a big factor.
The reason I ask...if this is the same person I had a feeling that you might need to get some help with al anon to understand exactly what it is like being in a relationship where the person is an alcoholic...you become a co-dependent. It is important to understand the nature of co dependency in order to get past this.
If you are not the same person...forgive me. It sounds like alcohol is a factor here though and it is important to address that. If he is an alcoholic and he can press your buttons this will be an endless journey as the nature of codependency is endless as well unless you can understand it and move on.
Codependency is an addiction in itself as folks are addicted to the potential in others. A codependent tries to force the potential they think the other person has with all their might... you cannot "cure" the alcoholic or expect any change...you must make the change yourself and the change is inside..
As you stated he dumped you two months ago...If you allowed him back again last January to do this again to you...read my quote from Einstein.
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Hello RNG.
I'm sorry to hear about what has happend.
As for how you are feeling, you need to give yourself time to heal. You were with this person for 8 years, you can't expect for feelings to be "gone" in such a short time.
It sounds to me that your 'ex' had some problems.....he was violent and a drinker, that's a deadly combination.
Take time for yourself and focus on other things. When I had a break up with someone, I went to see a therapist, and she told me to focus on four things........
1. Physical well being, which it sounds like you are doing. Make positive changes to your diet and exercise routine.
2. Find an outlet for expression. Write poetry, short stories, paint, make music...whatever talent you have, let it express your emotions.
3. Connect with your "spiritual" side. Whatever this is for you, God, Yoga, walks in Nature, allow yourself to get into balance with it.
4. No negativity. Don't allow yourself to say "I'm stupid" or "this happend because I am self-absorbed" and things of that nature. Make an effort to only see youself in postive ways.
Once you get these four into balance, it will help you to move forward and find yourself in a better place.
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg) <<< It's mine!
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Hi again...it was bugging me so I looked...is this your post?
http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=143...ht=florida
and
http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=858...#post85895
The reason I ask...as I stated last time...I do not want to cross your boundaries but I think you need to hear and consider what I am saying again. I see I basically said the same thing last time.
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East Wrote:Hi again...it was bugging me so I looked...is this your post?
http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=858...#post85895
The reason I ask...as I stated last time...I do not want to cross your boundaries but I think you need to hear and consider what I am saying again. I see I basically said the same thing last time.
After reading this I removed my advice...the advice has been given before...TWICE...no use giving advice for the third time about the same relationship troubles for it to go ignored.
Seems you are both train wrecks and attention seekers and a perfect match for each other.
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Hi RNG,
You have been given so golden advice here by the members above me , I do hope you follow it.
I am sorry that you have been treated this way, no one deserves that.
Coming out of an abusive relationship is never easy ,let alone one that has lasted for such a long time.
It is imperative that you get some therapy , you need to understand how you allowed yourself to be treated like that , and you have to learn hoe to respect your self as well as find your self esteem.
Please try to remember, that to be in love you have to respect that person, after all you are entrusting them with your heart.
There is no room for violence in a relationship, or emotional abuse.
It's time to seek the help you will need to rebuild your life, and for that you will need professional help.
Do not ignore the depression and anxiety you are feeling as it could very well be a symptom of repressed anger.
Project Rainbow will be able to help you.
http://www.projectrainbownet.org/myths.html
Take care ,we are here for you.
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