not sure who I am

[Kusya]

Hey Everybody! Happy New Year!
I am 25yo guy, and not completely sure what is happening to me. Need your advice and experience!
As long as I can recall, I have never been seriously attracted to women...all those conversations and comments by my 100% straight friends never really appealed to me, niether could women’s beauty turn me on. Short-hair cut, a bit of stubble, a bit of hoarse voice, sporty body, good brain...these are things that could always draw my attention, and If at some point in my life I made a friend having all of the above and who showed some attention to me – after a while I would start feeling something I never felt for a woman: the desire to hold his hand, kiss him, give him a hug, start missing a person tremendously!...some small but very meaningful things as It seems to me...Until now those feeling have never been mutual and never been revealed to any of those who invoked them, mostly because I was 100% sure the people were straight,...What really stops me from coming out of closet (above all - to myself!) is the fact that well...being ultimately frank I cannot really imagine myself sleeping with a boy – the gay sex seems too unnatural to me, and in fact straight porn appeales to me much more than does gay-porn – I cannot imagine myself in either of the roles. However, even in the case of the straight porn I really pay attention to male characters only. So, here it is. I am sorry for being probably a bit vulgar, but there is no other way and place for me to share my concerns. Is being attracted emotionally to men is the main thing for considering yourself gay? Or being fond of gay-sex matters most? I agree all this might seem quite stupid, but still...Thank you a lot in advance! I would appreciate all the comments and thoughts!

[fredv3b]

Welcome to GS.

You certainly aren't being vulgar.

To me it sounds like you are gay. You are attracted to men romantically and physically. As for gay sexual activity there are a variety of options for you and a potential partner, including mutual masturbation. Does no form of gay sex appeal to you?

Perhaps if you met a nice guy who you had feelings for, you might enjoy cuddling together, you might want to become more intimate together and nature might take its course. Perhaps you should think more about cuddling with another man than sex?

Just my tuppence worth....


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[princealbertofb]

Hello Kusya and to GaySpeak... I don't really know what to say to you, except that if you are more attracted to males, then you are probably gay. It doesn't mean that you have to have sex with another male... Even if it seems unnatural to you, some day you may find the right person to have feelings for and to have sexual attraction towards. Who knows? That day, you may find that it is perfectly natural. For the moment I think you are conditioned culturally (as many of us have been) to feel that a same sex attraction is weird or unnatural. It all falls into place one day, I believe. Hope you won't have to wait too long before you understand who you are fully... Take care, mile:

[HollandofFrance]

maybe youre the type like gay noel Coward play-write singer who didn't like anal sex

i find some of the threads people talk about vulgar like they were written by straights trying to see how people react or something or by 7th graders as a joke

[icanuc]

Maybe bi courious. I am not sure of that but it seems you lean more onto the gay side of the fence. I would say try and do some experamenting. That might help you decide who you are and you will know then what you like. A BJ maybe or cuddling there are many ways. Any ways you must get more comfortable with your sexuality first before experimenting. Take the time you need before venturing out and always play safe!

[AirBorn]

Welcome to GS! I hope you can find comfort here and find yourself. We are here for you. Don't be affraid to talk and ask questions. Hugs.

[BYoNexus]

Anal sex, does not a gay man make :p It's mainly the emotional factors. If your attracted to guys over girls, in a romantic sense, then thats oretty much it. Anal sex is not what makes a gay person gay.

Also, Welcome to the site!

[ManicReptile21]

tidings, No one can tell you who you are better than yourself! Search those profound crevices.

[EricOntario]

Being gay, straight, bi or anything else doesn't define you... our sexuality is part of who we are like anything else that affects how we live our lives but it's not the "whole package". If you can work on being OK with your feelings and accepting yourself and how you feel, you will start to feel differently about sex (or maybe not -- we're all different). My point is that you have to be open to accepting your own feelings and being OK with whatever you're going to find there before you can really understand how you feel about this stuff.

I felt the same as you for a really long time and only relatively recently really came to grips with stuff. It was a process, but I really found that once I decided to be OK with myself and started understanding that there was nothing "wrong" or bad about how I felt, then I really started to understand myself and what I wanted a lot more.