oh boy.. done it again..

[MidgetGem]

Been speaking to a close friend of mine who knows i'm bi, just having a laugh as per usual comparing the guys/girls we find attractive, he shows me someone he finds attractive and me being me I speak my mind too much and said that the guy isn't attractive and quite ugly, right after saying this he tells me that he's met him before (the guy he's met lives down south) and what not.. now I feel terrible :frown: don't know what the hell to do and although I've apologized and what not he's still really upset with me for being quite "blunt" and free worded.. crap. Been friends with him for so long and really don't want to lose him as one now.

[dfiant]

If you lose him as a friend for being blunt, you have to ask yourself if he was really that good a friend in the first place. Absolutely nothing wrong with being blunt, beats the crap out of the pansies that beat around the bush and you never know what they are thinking.

[Rainbowmum]

I feel for you Midg ,
At least you are honest , your friend should value that trait in you.
You can't go around beating yourself up over these things.

[steven88]

been there many many times. i often say things bluntly. ive been trying to say things in my head first and then say it out loud. lol i have lost friends before because of things ive said so i do know what your going through. hopefully the person forgives you and sees it as just one of your qualities that makes you a wonderful person. we all have our faults. good luck!

[7Chakras]

Orthophemism shouldn't be a problem when talking to 'close friends'.

When one is first starting out a relation/friendship euphemistic is usually the best root
in order to avoid hurting that individual emotionally.
Slowly over time during the development of the relationship,
both parties tend to drop some of their mental barriers that they would normal
hold up around new people, making it stronger,
because they understand each other better, and know each others secrets, etc.
When he presented a photo of his friend to you, he knew, in the back of his mind,
you were going to make a judgment about that person.
What was unexpected about it on his part, was the assumption it would be a positive comment, and much to his dismay, he immediately became offended, which is a
completely understandable response, given the present situation.
What is evident about your friendship, is how frail it is, instead of how supposedly
well-built you were convinced it was.
Similar to what dfiant mentioned earlier, what is a friend to you if your relationship isn't firm?
Can one even be considered a 'close friend' when it's built on a faulty weak base,
that could easily be knocked over by a simple friends opinion?
It's up to you to either take the time and effort into picking up the pieces and putting
them back in place, or just let sleeping dogs lay where they lie.

[MidgetGem]

Hmm perhaps, I had to look up what exactly you meant by Orthophemism and have to agree that at times I can be quite quick to the point when it comes to believing that the person I'm speaking to is a close friend or relative, though as odd as may sound not so much with relatives as I've learned through experience that they tend to flare up more so than friends. Perhaps it's true that it is a fault I should make an effort to work on.

Going back to your response I'd like to believe that the base of our friendship is steady though perhaps not as strong as I though it was like you suggested there and would love to work on it because he is a great guy with a lovely personality and has been there for me through thick and thin. Maybe it wasn't clear enough above but when I judged his friend he hadn't told me before showing me a few pictures of him that he was infact his friend, hence why I responded rather.. bluntly, he only then told me afterwards that he was quite close with him friendship wise and had considered moving down south to live with him but things didn't work out between them.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm not going to side with the rest here.

Those feelings of guilt and remorse are valid and are telling you something about yourself. You know you made a judgment call and you know you were wrong to do it 'that way'.

It's OK to have opinions. People like Fred Phelps have opinions, He also has his own webpage dedicated to espousing his opinion: http://www.godhatesfags.com/



This is his opinion - much like your judgement of attractiveness and beauty is an opinion.

But seriously, don't you wish that Fred Phelps would keep his opinion to himself because it hurts other people?

[MidgetGem]

I see what your getting at here Bowyn Aerrow, and well you are right, I should have kept my opinion to myself though we were both swapping opinions of guys/girls we thought were attractive or not and the fun of it went pearshaped when he brought up a photo of a friend of his. Either way like I said above, had I known it was a friend I wouldn't have been as blunt and freely spoken..

[7Chakras]

Forgive my misunderstanding and rash assumption that your relationship
isn't as strong as I thought it was. Pessimism is common among Capricorns.

I can understand how if you had prior knowledge that they were good friends, you
wouldn't have made as open of an opinion about him.
Your impulsive judgment definitely put you in a tight spot,
but then again, we all have so many problems to work on.
For your offended friend, even if you knew about them before saying you comment(s)
it was really up to him to either be butt-hurt about it, or take it into account from
a logical standpoint, and not let his emotions be so quick to take over.

For example,
You: "Lol your friend is ugly!"
Your friend: "I don't agree, but now that you mention it, he does have a crooked nose,
but I still care about him, thanks for your opinion anyways friend, because,
that's what friends are for."

It's a two way street, so you can't put the blame entirely on yourself, and if
anything, he is probably more at fault here than you are.

[KJ1989]

1) You were swapping opinions, on a personal level together, so I don't think Bowyn logic fits perfectly here, but I see the point he is trying to make.

2) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He ask your opinion, you gave it, if it was blunt how bad.

It's give and take with friendships, sometimes friends accept you completely for who you are, but at the end of the day I have always found that depending on which of my good friends are with, I talk to them differently, because I know what annoys them from experience and I don't want to.

Maybe you just figured that out with this friend. I would hate to think this will actually ruin the friendship, but you can just say to him that you won't be like that again. Tell him you'd expect the same from him towards you.

I dunno, I'm not great with this advice thing, but I just thought I'd give it a go.