What the hell is happening???? Advice Please

[BobInTampa]

Well, alot of the posts here have given you alot to think about, so i'll add just a few more things for you to consider moving forward:
1) You're still NOT OUT! So you're only source of support and feelings of being "free to be who you are" comes from being around/with Brad. So, be mindful of WHY you're feeling what you're feeling and that part of that comes from finally feeling WHOLE as a gay man.
2) The 3 hour distance is still in place! Now i'm not saying Brad will cheat on you like Chad did, but 3 hours is 3 hours and there WILL be times when he can't call or reply to your texts and it will feel like he's avoiding you and then your fears of him cheating or worse, going back to CHAD!
3) Rebound. Others have touched on this but you have to consider and factor into what's happening the chance that BOTH of you have been thrust together because of CHAD's cheating and lies. Right now that's all you have in common. What happens when that finally passes and it's just YOU TWO? A rebound is a dicey situation and if you BOTH don't accept that a part of what's drawn you together is the drama of BOTH your breakups - so you best start working and talking about things other than CHAD!

Ok, so all that said, does that mean your new "friendship" with Brad is doomed to fail? NO. Does it mean you have to work a bit harder to decipher why you're feeling what your feeling? YES! Take it slow and try not to let your feelings drive your decisions!

[pellaz]

i was cheating on my straight wife and my bf at the time was cheating on his man of 15years. The same person is my partner today. This has made the relationship a little flawed; for example we text each other ever 5 min.

seems what people are saying above:
-go with it you both need it (you & Brad)
-along those lines; everyone here is part of a breakup/ rebound
-long distance relationships tend to fail
-Question???? is this Brad guy playing you
-if you seem to trust everyone, and you do, dont move so fast.

-You need to keep brad on a short leash; dont let him out of your sight, is he worth it, my partner seems to think so.
-Would it be so bad if you two just want to hang out together? The hookup thing works well.
-if you cant out yourself, get a girl friend to talk things over with

[countyboy]

Well...honestly again IMO...you are a great catch and I think geography is your only enemy as far as developing a relationship. I really don't think you will have any problem once you meet a variety of men. The magnet you have is naivety at this point and that is what is attracting these guys....basically they are externalizing their problems and you are a tool and they are taking advantage of your naivety.

Forget about feeling rushed...you will find a man quite easily that is worthy of your attention and affection soon enough if you are open to it and if you expand your geographic boundaries...,maybe move somewhere else?

Thanks for your advice, I actully have had a plan to move for about three months now and I am slowly making it happen, I have sold my motorcycle and I am working on selling some other toys so I can be in a better fincial situation. I plan to move four hours away and already have a promising job in the area. My goal it to be gone from here within two months from now if all goes well. I have realized that material things are not everything and the only way I am going to find hapiness is to get out of this area. Thanks again

[countyboy]

youre treading on dangerous waters, common ground in betrayal, and inanimate feelings. dont take another step forward. you both are wide open at the moment and what you think you know is nothing but human infatuation after hurt. sympathy and love are very dangerous elemnts of human nature and when they mix, false images are made. you have to really try him! from scratch. if you think you like him, erase the common ground and see what YOU REALLY HAVE in COMMON, that does not include pain and suffering.

Thanks, you made me step back and look at the whole situation. You sound like a very wise person. Thanks

[countyboy]

Thank you all for your advice. It's obvious there are some kind hearted good people on here. I have continued to talk to Brad and I really feel the need to meet him and I am going to Friday. He told Chad that I was coming for the weekend because Chad kept asking becuase he suspected we were talking. Chad says he realized that he messed up to many times and realizes that that Brad is done with him. He told Brad that he has truly found his soal mate and it kills him but is happy that him and I are talking because we are both great loving people and willl be great together. He said he messed up the two best thing that came into his life and he has to live with it. I know this is true beacuse he told me that same thing through a text. Might sound strange but Brad has been completely honest with me this whole time and even sent me every text that Chad had sent him. He said he sees what kind of person I am and wants to be with me. He told me he couldn't wait to prove it to me. I want to give him the chance to prove it to me. Thank you for all your advice. I hope I do not regret the decsion to go see him this weekend and really would like to be able to come back to this post in 6 months or a year and say that it was all real and I am a happy man. I guess only time will tell and he feels like he is well worth the risk and it doesn't feel like an option to pass it up. It's the only way I will know for sure. Thank you all again

[fredv3b]

My only advice is that both you and him would be on the rebound. Generally speaking the chances for more than friendship and a successful outcome are not good.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[countyboy]

I had an amazing weekend. So far so Good. I even got introduced to his family including his grandfather. We seemed to really hit it off. I can only hope that it is for real because it is amazing. I am not stupid and it is still in the back of my mind that there is a good chance I might get crushed again. If you don't risk or chance love then how do you find it? Thanks again for all your advice

[iPromise]

awe countyboy, you're a great guy, you really are. You've got a heart like me, you easily trust people, and sometimes that back fires, like it did with Chad.

I don't know of any advice to give you, but I must say I agree with East and his advices. Be careful, you do make a valid point, love is a risk we all must take before we can find the one. Just know the consequences, be willing to accept them, and also be sure you have a way to cope, a healthy way of course.

I want to wish you and Brad the best, sounds like you guys may do this, but in the back of my gut, I have another alternative feeling. You're old enough to know how this works, you're wise enough to know what you've got to do, and you've absolutely got the heart, that'll take you to places, good, and bad.

I want to hear about you and Brad, but I mostly want to hear GREAT things about you two. I hope that it all works out for the best for you both.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I personally would leave both of them alone.

[HollandofFrance]

i get the feeling theyre both flakes ,but who knows

crazy rednecks in the south or places or somewhere wind up screwing up kids maybe because theyll have sex with anyone because they're desperate

sad situation

can you move?