When people stop thinking that being gay means having SEX with the same gender and start realising it is LOVING the same gender, you will find the honest and truthful answer so a really silly question in my opinion.
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dfiant Wrote:When people stop thinking that being gay means having SEX with the same gender and start realising it is LOVING the same gender, you will find the honest and truthful answer so a really silly question in my opinion.
This guy knows what he is on about.
It's not where you stick your dick that makes you gay. It's where you hold your hart n.n
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behind on ze times are we? being gay isnt bout sex. learn this and you'll amount to something big in another man's eyes one day!
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Of course! Nobody said it was compulsory.
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I look at the stats regarding anal sex in the gay male community the same way i do about that old addage: 95% of all men masturbate, the other 5% are liars.
Look, intimacy is critical to the success and longevity of ALL relationships (gay and str8) so is anal sex the SOLE measure of a couples sexual compatabilty and overall health? Of course not, BUT, it's my belief that there's more a play with gay men who say they NEVER have anal sex (as a top or a bottom) AND i belive alot of this is psychological.
There are many gay men who, due to much of society's villification of how gay men are intimate AND the percieved "lack of masculinity" of men who "bottom" - ie: he's the girl in the relationship.
Add to that the misperceptions that anal sex is always painful (a myth), STD's, hemmoroids, the chance of fecal matter appearing during intimacy, and so on, can put alot of pressure on some gay/bi men to just take a "pass" at anal sex.
All of THAT said, I still much echo the first reply here where it was said that SURE, a gay couple can forego anal sex, in the same way that a heterosexual couple can forego vagainal sex.
I belive, as i said above, that that position is based more on a psychological position rather than a preferance.
I'll also throw THIS word into the discussion: PROSTATE! Yep, that wonderful gland, inside a man's rectum, IS A SEX ORGAN! In fact, there are more sexual receptors per-square millimeter on the prostate than there are on the head of the penis or the clitoris. Now, accessing that organ takes a bit of work (patience and alot of lube), but the pay-off is well worth it! It's an amazing organ and, in my opinion, GOD would NOT have put a sex organ in the male's rectum if it wasn't meant to be enjoyed!
Finally, and again this is ME, i don't belive you can really consummate a gay relatioship without anal sex (assuming there are no physcial issues that make that impossible). IT's how we are fully connected with our partner. IT's that wonderful moment where (if you bottom) you're letting the man you love inside you - willfully letting him inside you - and vice versa. What a gift to look into your partner's eyes as you slowly enter him and you lock eyes and know that you're ONE. You can't get that from a blowjob or a hand job and i think that "union" is a critical necessity in an LTR. Does it mean you ALWAYS have to have anal sex with your partner? NO! Intimacy is a wonderful mix of techniques, ideas, fantasies and touching.
But to remove anal sex from a couple's intimacy mix i think will set in motion a problem down the road - especially if ONE of the partners WANTS anal and the other dosn't!
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Your argument is basically that gay men who don't have anal sex are sick in the head. Can you not see the problem with this line of reasoning?
The sexual experiences of people are not universal, to say so would imply that there is no sexual difference between gay and straight men. Why is gay male sexuality somehow allowed to be different from straight male sexuality, but a difference of sexuality within the larger category of gay male sexuality is somehow a sign of something "psychological" (which is merely a patronizing euphemism for fucked in the head).
Let's break down the rhetoric here, Bob. Your inability to imagine people's ability to have intimate relationships without something you find necessary has no bearing on the reality of it. You're literally trying to tell people that they are fucked up if they don't like doing something, how is that any different than someone telling you you're fucked up for wanting to have sex with men?
What does it matter that anal sex or prostate stimulation can be enjoyable? Sticking an erect penis into a vagina is mostly enjoyable too, does that mean there's a problem with you for not having sex with women?
God damn it people, these are the exact same arguments used to put down gay people in general, and we're going to go and throw them at people in our own community. While we're at it let's have another thread where we try to marginalize camp men and transvestites, we haven't had a good fascist rant about that in a while. 
Edit: Also, I'm not saying being gay is not about sex. Freedom of sexual expression is essential to the gay experience, we can not really divorce romantic love from a sexual desire or expression. However, abstinence is a form of sexual expression, it's an act of sexual behaviour, and the deserves the same legitimacy of any other expression between consenting people.
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hello,
Being gay isnt about sexual preference... Being gay is about the person you are in love with and would want to be attracted to... I know people who neither of them go through the back door. I know couples who both love it and cant get enough.. In my opinion of course you can be gay and still enjoy a loving relationship without ever having to do that
Kindest regards
zeon x
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Haven't been on in a while, just have been busy with work and holidays and things... I see that there's a lot of debate here, and I have to lean towards those who say it's not needed and that it's about love. Personally in my experience... and perhaps this could change with other experiences... I prefer oral myself.
The initial question though seems to be someone who has a friend who perhaps is confused about what being gay means. So yes there can also be the psychological aspects to it. That said, if they chose not to do it because they don't like it, then there's nothing wrong with that. If it is because they are just coming out, perhaps they will change their mind later, and perhaps they won't. But they should never feel pressured to do anything because it is perceived as the "normal" way to be; it's important people get a chance to explore and decide on their own without pressure.
Whatever they decide sexually, as said above, it's about love and I'll throw in attraction as a lot of people do things with people that they don't necessarily love  And it's because of my attraction to guys that I both know that guys are the ones I'd want to do anything sexual with, and the ones that I would want to love with my heart 
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I read a few years ago (OK over a decade ago) that most gay males prefer oral over anal, and many who do perform anal sex feel compelled to do so - as if it is obligatory.
Why do they feel obliged? Most cited gay porn as their reference material for 'normal' gay sex acts. :o
And the all time favorite sex act among gay males is merely a number: 69.
While most gay men (around 80%) have tried anal at least once (because they feel obliged to try it) closer to only 20% like it and do it again and again.
Manual manipulation (masturbation, frontage, etc) is also preferred much more than anal sex.
A good deal of the 'desired' acts for gay men has been shaped by the spread of HIV/AIDS and the impact was not so much on 'safe sex' but moving away from anal sex completely.
However the gay porn industry is the primary "leadership" we have, second to stereotyping. Stereotyping (through homophobic story telling) hands us such wonderful descriptive terms as fudge packer (My Grandfather packed fudge and other sweet delights working for a candy company - but we are not talking about that kind of fudge packing). The Negative stereotypes predominately paint gay males as either performing or having performed anal sex.
Example A Joke:
Q A bottom and top die at the same time. Which was gets to heaven (often its hell) First?
A The bottom, because his shit is already packed.
The assumption is that they are gay and they have had anal sex.
The Gay Porn industry was the first to set on itself a practice of showing safe sex (condom use). The industry set that on its own in response to the HIV/AIDS epidemic - thus the fantasy is offset with a bit of reality. It has been proposed that the 'story-line' (I use story loosely for porn) should be more inclusive of reality focusing more on what the majority want not on the preconceived notion that gay sex is a 'warmup' act of oral sex followed by the finishing act of anal.
Looking at Classical Cultures were homosexual acts were considered normal, most of them saw anal sex as being a 'bad' thing. For the Greeks and Romans, anal sex was performed on defeated warriors. That whole rape and pillage ideology was not just raping of women, it was rape of women, children and men. It was considered the cruelest most degrading act a man could do to another man. Surrounding 'barbaric' nations would resort to anal-rape as an act of conquest, thus anal sex had bad press.
No doubt a few, lets say a quarter, were into anal sex, socially it was not acceptable, as anal sex carried with it bad connotations due to its use as a way to exert power/control over conquered warriors - a form of deep emasculation.
It still carries with it those connotations of emasculation. We see it in prisons where anal rape is reserved for those deserving of 'punishment'. A lot of oral sex does take place on the 'down-low' in prison, a lot of gay males turn a tidy profit performing oral sex for 'straight' males. Few of those straight males view anal sex as being anything less than gay (a negative).
Most men do not find anal sex to be pleasurable (in the receptive mode). Anal stimulation may be pleasurable, but a thrusting penis does not actually massage the prostate as say fingering would. Most men who are the insertive partner (Top) do not know how to use their penis to massage. Hitting the prostate is kind of as elusive as hitting the G-Spot.
The idea of anal sex is usually the reason why men try it, the act itself is not all that it is cracked up to be in the minds of most men (receptive).
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can you be gay without anal ?
