Can't find "normal" gay people?

[cmj1985]

im about as "strait acting" as they come just cause im gay doesnt mean that i have to be like the stereotype and there are lots of us out there and there is NO "normal" there are only individuals who have individual interests and similarites keep searching and you will find what you are lookin for

[HollandofFrance]

i think in USA gays are more neurotic and overtly political or whatever

in usa people are afraid to be themselves or something and the herd mentality is everywhere because of stupid TV and stereotypes

[Bowyn Aerrow]

We are out here. Thing is we are way out here in the country. We leave the city folk to their crazy rainbow parades and nude dancing and all of that 'weirdness' and we stick out here with the 'normal' folk.

You may, rarely, find us at a gay bar in the city occasionally, but most of us just steer clear.

Being a straight acting gay man myself, you are discriminated against by the gay community. It is an issue when you look at the stoically and refuse to snap your fingers, talk with a lisp or 'nelly up' for them. I have been accused of being 'straight' (breeder) by more than one jaded old queen. :o

Rural gay men are more straight acting. The Gay Ghetto allows for more openly gay and outlandish activities that the rural areas won't allow, thus us rural gays tend to be straight acting. And lean to more conservative notions in many other areas.

Straight acting is an insult - an off handed one, it implies that you are 'acting' instead of being 100% man which you are. On the other hand I know from observation that many of the Nelly queens have adopted an affectation and are acting gay.

Yes I know, the bombs will now drop. However in the course of my adult life I have seen dozens of straight acting young men suddenly turn 'nelly queen' once they hit the gay scene when they behaved like ordinary males prior to meeting the scene.

Your problem, Anonymous, is that you are looking for like minded individuals in places where people like you wouldn't be caught dead. Yeah sure I have been to more than one gay rally/parade/meeting for the Agenda (to pick up my toaster for converting a guy to The Gay Way). However I am uncomfortable in such sparkly places and I do not meet people who hold the same values and interests as I do in many other areas.

That is where I go to other places to meet like minded people - gay, straight, bi, whatever.

I was (past tense since I no longer do it) a member of a local hunting club where I met Clay (a straight acting gay man) and later his partner (Kenny - not so straight acting ). Clay and I hunted and did 'normal' stuff like 'normal' guys while our partners did whatever they do at stores, and other places.

As for meeting potential relationship material, I only met one of my exes at a gay club. boy that was a lesson that learnt me but good. I met the others in 'normal' places, work, AA meets (OK AA is not actually normal but close) and the like.

If you are looking for a date and you do not want a drunk, don't go to a bar to pick up people. If you are looking for a date but don't want to date a hardliner Gay Activist - they steer clear of the meeting hall where the Activists Meet.

Figure out what it is you like to do that you want to share with a partner, then find that sort of club, social meeting space and hang out there. Meet people, make friends with everyone you can - even the straight folk. Sure you may not meet 'The One' at the meeting, but those other people know other people and eventually they will invite you to a party or figure out some other way to fix you up with other 'straight acting' men.

[East]

I've addressed why it is vital that the T be included in the LGBT grouping, because whether or not gay people feel they identify with the causes of the transgender movement, they are implicated in it by virtue of behaving out of accordance with dominant conceptions of gender. Saying the transgenders have nothing in common with gay people is incredibly narrow minded, for one there are gay people who have transgender identities or are effected by transgender issues. I.e. cross-dressers and effeminate men. And transgenders are effected by the same legal system that discriminates on the basis of social organization along gender.

The Marxist philosopher Gramsci wrote about a concept called the shifting equilibrium of hegemony. This is essentially what is happening here, we've fought enough to get a large section of our community accepted into the normative discourse, so some of us want to dump the excess baggage of the gay rights movement. Who were at the forefront of the Stonewall riots? Male prostitutes and transvestites. The transgenders have been with the movement, at least in the USA and Canada, since the very beginning. And we're going to dump them after they have helped us achieve so much? The problem with the gay community is precisely this lack of a sense of history, of community, and of shared struggle. We are constantly called on by the dominant discourse to identify with the normative mainstream rather than each other. We are slowly becoming nothing more than a target demographic for the capitalist machine, a pink dollar, and our only locus of cultural association is reduced to designer labels and pornography.

Ugh.

I don't disagree with anything you said.... but...some of the strongest voices opposing the "T" being included in the GLBT category are some of the "T" voices themselves. Not so much the F to M but definitely many of the M to F. I have heard them bring it up many times on the radio and also the handful I have known in person (and I have to say i didnt' like any of them personally) would insist they were NOT gay and were a straight woman in a man's body and wanted nothing to do with gay men and resented being included in the GLBT category. Of course I had to ask why they were in a gay bar if gay men offended them so much...the answers were along the lines of "I feel more comfortable". I have also known a handful of F to M and this was not the case with any of them.

Just an FYI as sometimes people confuse the two...Transgenders are not Drag Queens..they are quite different.

[sneakyc25]

Don't know if this has been said or not, but I think what you are trying to say is that you haven't found any gay people with common interests as you. And heck my first boyfriend was a makeup artist and I hate makeup. We still found common ground even though he was more "flamboyant" than I thought wanted.

[princealbertofb]

I don't disagree with anything you said.... but...some of the strongest voices opposing the "T" being included in the GLBT category are some of the "T" voices themselves. Not so much the F to M but definitely many of the M to F. I have heard them bring it up many times on the radio and also the handful I have known in person (and I have to say i didnt' like any of them personally) would insist they were NOT gay and were a straight woman in a man's body and wanted nothing to do with gay men and resented being included in the GLBT category. Of course I had to ask why they were in a gay bar if gay men offended them so much...the answers were along the lines of "I feel more comfortable". I have also known a handful of F to M and this was not the case with any of them.

Talking of which, has anyone seen Ryan lately???

[East]

Talking of which, has anyone seen Ryan lately???

He dropped by and said Hi on my visitor messages maybe a month ago.

[princealbertofb]

I hope he's OK.... maybe just computer access difficulties?

[ToddYoung]

I'm not a stereotypical gay person, and I can relate to the feelings the OP expressed. I've found it very hard to meet other gay guys who aren't excessively camp, and honestly, I find it a bit of a turn-off.

[HollandofFrance]

i personally think the world has gone mad and there's is little out there now

TV has all these flashing images to program people to want MORE

the internet offers so many options of dates people always think there's a better person -not always

people have gone crazy-