We are out here. Thing is we are way out here in the country. We leave the city folk to their crazy rainbow parades and nude dancing and all of that 'weirdness' and we stick out here with the 'normal' folk.
You may, rarely, find us at a gay bar in the city occasionally, but most of us just steer clear.
Being a
straight acting gay man myself, you are discriminated against by the gay community. It is an issue when you look at the stoically and refuse to snap your fingers, talk with a lisp or 'nelly up' for them. I have been accused of being 'straight' (breeder) by more than one jaded old queen. :o
Rural gay men are more straight acting. The Gay Ghetto allows for more openly gay and outlandish activities that the rural areas won't allow, thus us rural gays tend to be straight acting. And lean to more conservative notions in many other areas.
Straight acting is an insult - an off handed one, it implies that you are 'acting' instead of being 100% man which you are. On the other hand I know from observation that many of the Nelly queens have adopted an
affectation and are
acting gay.
Yes I know, the bombs will now drop. However in the course of my adult life I have seen dozens of straight acting young men suddenly turn 'nelly queen' once they hit the gay scene when they behaved like ordinary males prior to meeting the scene.
Your problem, Anonymous, is that you are looking for like minded individuals in places where people like you wouldn't be caught dead. Yeah sure I have been to more than one gay rally/parade/meeting for the Agenda (to pick up my toaster for converting a guy to The Gay Way). However I am uncomfortable in such sparkly places and I do not meet people who hold the same values and interests as I do in many other areas.
That is where I go to other places to meet like minded people - gay, straight, bi, whatever.
I was (past tense since I no longer do it) a member of a local hunting club where I met Clay (a straight acting gay man) and later his partner (Kenny - not so straight acting
). Clay and I hunted and did 'normal' stuff like 'normal' guys while our partners did whatever they do at stores, and other places.
As for meeting potential relationship material, I only met one of my exes at a gay club. boy that was a lesson that learnt me but good. I met the others in 'normal' places, work, AA meets (OK AA is not actually normal but close) and the like.
If you are looking for a date and you do not want a drunk, don't go to a bar to pick up people. If you are looking for a date but don't want to date a hardliner Gay Activist - they steer clear of the meeting hall where the Activists Meet.
Figure out what it is you like to do that you want to share with a partner, then find that sort of club, social meeting space and hang out there. Meet people, make friends with everyone you can - even the straight folk. Sure you may not meet 'The One' at the meeting, but those other people know other people and eventually they will invite you to a party or figure out some other way to fix you up with other 'straight acting' men.