Having a hard time understanding

[LateBloomer]

I definitely agree with others who say don't put pressure on yourself to wear a label.

Labels are too limiting for some people. I see you chose bi- and so did I, although that's not exactly how I feel.

Give yourself some time to let the dust settle. All may be perfectly clear in a little time (or who knows? Maybe several years?) after you meet a person you really click with.

As for kissing, I'll tell you a short story. Personally, I love to kiss. Last year I hooked up with a guy I really liked and I told him what I was into (kissing was one thing). He politely responded he wasn't into kissing guys. I told him no problem, it's not a deal breaker.

So we get together and I keep reminding myself: NO KISSING. But at one point he moved closer to me and slightly parted his lips as if to say I want to kiss. I instinctively moved in, but then stopped when I reminded myself about the "No Kissing Rule" and then thought, what the hell? He's initiating the kiss! So I moved in again and took it!



It was hot. And super nice.

Later, I was lucky enough to see him one more time, except that time I tried to initiate the kiss and he didn't reciprocate.

:frown:

Oh well, I softly told him, no problem and just kept on truckin....

You know, sometimes we feel like a nut, sometimes we don't.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

While the words are Homosexual, Heterosexual and Bisexual there is no emphasis on the sex part; thus these words are not Homosexual, Heterosexual and Bisexual.

Sexuality is not all about sex either. There is more to it, intimacy (in and out of bed), compassion, caring, love, commitment, companionship, etc. All of these also play a role in our 'sexuality' and what our 'sexual preference' is.

Just because you can get wood looking at some particular act of sex does not mean you are X - it only means you have a libido.

Considering you're 23 years old, I imagine that your libido is still very much on the high side of the gauge. As such you most like would fuck anything that didn't run away.

Men experience their peak somewhere between 18-22 - thus for the past 4 years you have been boosting at full acceleration on all boosters. You are entering the long, steady downward side of sexuality and sex drive.

And how many relationships have you been in? I mean serious, monogamous, serious attempts towards long relationship where you are dedicated to just one person?

Kissing is not a gauge of sexuality. I don't kiss. Sure a quick peck on the lips is about it, but tongue probing germ swapping - ew - gross. I only did that with 2 men in my life. And only one of them wasn't a total 'gag me with a spoon' experience - like for sure.

I all honesty I never saw myself in a relationship until I met my first, then it all kinda sorta made sense. There are men I could see myself in a relationship with. For the Record New Gingrich is NOT one of them.

And there has been one (1 - singular) woman who I really could envision not only a relationship, but a wedding, 2.5 children, a house with a white picket fence, etc....

Technically two if we include the torch I carry for Meryl Streep, I've been carrying that torch since 1982 when I saw her in Sophie's Choice. Yeah I fell in love with her when I was 16.

Personalities, character, and lots of other things play a role in attraction. Its not just physical animal sexual attraction you need to consider here.

I think you have yet to meet a nice gal, or guy, that you can be more into than just mere sex. I suspect that there will come a guy or a gal, that you will lay eyes on and immediate envision a future of 'us'.

I think up to this point you have only been in lust and haven't been in love. When you are in love suddenly your own sexuality will become clear to you - you will suddenly identify as 'X' because you see yourself with that person in ways you haven't been with another person to date.

[BobInTampa]

There were some great posts on this thread...but i wanted to chime in on your "i don't kiss guys" position.

There's little doubt that "kissing" is something that our society in the US equates to real INTIMACY. In Europe, people don't shake hands, they kiss, and while i'm not saying they don't view kissing more or less and intimate act, the perception is different.

That said, it's pretty clear to me that right now, you're comfortable being sexual with a guy for the "release" but mentally, you've drawn the line at kissing.

I'll tell you, a long time ago, i was EXACTLY the same way. My wife (now ex wife) and i started experimenting in swinging and bi sex. Long story short, i got very comfortable with messing with other men in the swinging world, until ONE day. I was watching football with a bi buddy (he had joined my wife and i many times in a 3way)....we were drinking and such, and during half-time we put on a home video of the 3 of us having sex..and we started messing around....fast forward to us naked on the couch, i had decided to let him penetrate me......and once he was all the way in, we were face to face, and he planted the most tender, passionate kiss i had ever felt. I'm telling you i saw fireworks. Yea, sure, some of it was about bottoming, but i had the perception that a man's kiss would be rough, scratchy and uncomfortable...man was i wrong.

Something in me changed that day - it's when i allowed myself to really accept the idea of full and complete intimacy with a man.

So, while you can keep that line in the sand, there will come a time when you will probably kiss a guy - and THEN you'll have a new perspective on your sexual identity.

[princealbertofb]

Before I read anyone else's approach to your question of confusion, I'd like to give you my impression which is that you are at least bi sexual and also probably (for social and societal reasons) quite repressed on your gay side, which might explain why, in the safety of watching porn (you are alone while you do that, so there is no outside eye watching or witnessing it) you don't feel the need to repress how strongly you feel your gay lust or gay desire. Maybe it is also just a reinforcement of your own masculinity. I don't know. However, maybe you think you can't kiss a guy because you are just not letting yourself be interested in doing so.... too much at stake, going too far down that direction might make you understand a truth that you are not ready to hear or see. However, if you can still function properly and with fun and lust with women, then there's nothing really wrong with you. Enjoy life and enjoy what life has to offer, why not? Some day, you'll figure it out. It might just be a question of finding the right stable partner (male or female).


I see that BobInTampa has the same take as me on this one... Thanks, Bob. :biggrin: My point, precisely. But, RutStuck, take your time over this. The right time can't have come yet.

[princealbertofb]

On another note, bear in mind that porn isn't 'real relationship' sex and that some performers are definitely not really gay themselves. They are only doing it for pay (gay for pay). Again, you might try to see which type of gay sex you like to watch most? Is it the kind of sex in which you can tell that both (or all three, all four etc...) are really into each other (emotionally and lustfully at least)? Or are they reaching their goals only because of the money carrot at the end of the stick? Does it turn you on to see two guys kissing or does that part of the scene make you indifferent. I know that I like to see the guys kissing... When they spend the whole time just ramming each other's bodies, I switch off... :redface: I want some in there, and as much of it as possible. Then the sex seems so much less contrived.

[Person66]

I definitely agree that you should'nt use a label, yet anyway. I identify with the bi label because previously I was only in sexual relationships with women (including long monogamous ones). Then I got my heart broken by this girl and after that, I really didn't feel like being with anyone and lost my libido.
When my libido came Back, I started noticing guys to, and I became very attracted to an extremely attractive, masculine gay guy, and now we're in a serious monogamous relationship. But I like doing everything with him. Like : kissing, sex both ways (we're both versatile), cuddling, holding hands, etc.. But I could also see myself doing things like this with a woman, I'm still attracted to them like I was before. It's just that I'm already sexually satisfied and have no wish to be in a complicated open relationship. As for porn, it's not exactly one of my passions yet I can get off on any kind as long as its good porn (I guess we all have different standards for that) and I'm only attracted to masculine men and feminine women. I must add that though his attractiveness was the spark that brought us together, there are so many other things that I love about him, he's also very attractive/beautiful on the inside.

As for you. I wouldn't worry about labels. Watch the porn that you like, don't worry wether it's labeled gay or straight. Sleep with the people that you want, whoever turns you on. If you don't like kissing than don't kiss and tell whomever you don't want to kiss that you don't want to do that. I'm not advocating promiscuity, just for you to try to be comfortable in your own skin. Your young, enjoy yourself and don't feel bad about it.

[Rutstuck]

I noticed I like when it's all ramming and a very sloppy blow job or fast but when it comes to kissing I honestly feel like it looks weird it's just too intimate and I also think it looks weird when they pinch nipples I guess more funny if anything. But I do feel like your saying it's ok to say I'm bi but that I might later on down the road accept that I'm gay? I have noticed that my dick moves sometimes when I'm watching tv and a man speaks and it never does that with women and I was watching a workout instructional video on the toilet one time and this guy was working out and I started getting hard. And if I'm watching straight porn on my phone and the tv is on and it shows males speaking I usually turn it off because I sometimes wonder if it distracts and when I touch myself that's why I'm getting hard. I will admit I really do want to have sex with a hot tranny that's sort of something ive been wanting . I did recieve Head from a Tranny that was the first gay sexual experience I had. I remember my ex girlfriend told me she really didnt think i was gay and I figured because we were having sex but I dunno.