New Date

[Alwaysconfused]

OK! So I had my 1st date with this guy who is 9 years older than me. Which doesn't bother me because he looks young and cute. Anyway we had a great time, we talked about ourselves and about our common interest. He asked me about if I had boyfriends and I told him my story and then later on he talked about how he likes to takes things slow and how he deals w/dating in his own ways and etc, I don't remember everything. He sorta gave me advice. But He told me dating multiple people is good because you know what you want or something and I was like I don't have that leisure to date multiple people because I barely meet people in the 1st place and I do not like dating multiple people. He told me that it doesn't matter if date multiple people, it just matters what you are doing with that one person that you connect with.

I just thought I tell y'all about my 1st date, which was a different date then normal because I never talk about dating and etc before with others. Like I had a good time but I'm just tired of dating already, like I meet a nice guy it doesn't work out then I have no guys around for months or weeks. I rarely have any friends here either and even if I try to make friends people automatically think I want them to be my boyfriend.

I have no idea what I want y'all to get from this ramble. I like this guy, he seems nice and sweet, we did talk a lot but had our awkward silences, we made out and he touched me there lol but I honestly don't know what his intentions are which I'm thinking he just wants sex or a sex buddy. I ask if he wanted to have another date he said yes and we are planning our next date. He wants to hangout and play video games at his place I just know sex MAY BE involved and I really do not want to because I wanna see where things will go and I wanna see if this can be more. I'm tired of dating assholes after assholes.

[Eromir]

Hi!

If he does want to have sex with you, it doesn't have to mean that he ONLY wants sex from you. For me it's an important indicator of personality compatibility and a way to learn more about my future prospects behavior. Not that i'm implying you should do it, but just saying that sex on the second date doesn't automatically mean use and abuse.
Mentioning multiple dates dose sound suspicious if you are looking for monogamous relationships only(and it sounds like you do). Have you asked him if he'd settle down for the right man? For some guys dating multiple people at once is just a way of quickly filtering out any hopeful candidates for the long run.

[Alwaysconfused]

Yeah that's what he mean by multiple dates is hoping to find the right candidate for the long run. He's had about 4 or 5 actual relationships that lasted anywhere from 1 to 4 years. And he was saying the same exact thing you were about sex. I always felt like you need to do slow (and he wants to take things slow when it comes to dating) but doesn't sex count in that scenario? or it is sex just sex? I feel like we wouldn't work only because he doesn't like to watch movies, but if we do get serious or see each other more I would make him see a movie every now and again. IDK I'm just tired of dating 1 guy and then they leave me and I'm lonely for a while because I barely meet any one and then I meet someone again a few months later and it starts again and etc. Any more advice you like to give?

[LateBloomer]

Yeah that's what he mean by multiple dates is hoping to find the right candidate for the long run. He's had about 4 or 5 actual relationships that lasted anywhere from 1 to 4 years. And he was saying the same exact thing you were about sex. I always felt like you need to do slow (and he wants to take things slow when it comes to dating) but doesn't sex count in that scenario? or it is sex just sex? I feel like we wouldn't work only because he doesn't like to watch movies, but if we do get serious or see each other more I would make him see a movie every now and again. IDK I'm just tired of dating 1 guy and then they leave me and I'm lonely for a while because I barely meet any one and then I meet someone again a few months later and it starts again and etc. Any more advice you like to give?

Whoa! Don't start sabotaging the whole relationship just because he doesn't like to watch movies. No relationship could last the long term with such particular requirements.

Sex is sometimes just sex, but sometimes it's more than that. You won't know until you take him for a test drive.

Sounds like he wants to go one step at a time, but you're already breaking up with him--and you're not even TOGETHER YET!

Take the pressure off of you two and just have some casual fun. You never know what may come of it.

[Alwaysconfused]

@Latebloomer: My problem is that I think to much. I think about the "WHAT IF" so much, I think about the future or about things that may or may not happen. I know I need a distraction from all this like a friend that I'm trying to make or a hobby or something. But it's hard too, when I'm with the only friend I have he usally has guys he is talking to and ends up dating one and then leaves them or cheats on them I don't wanna be around that for 1) I feel jealous and 2) He ditches me a lot. Any advice on keeping my mind clear?

[Eromir]

For me sex is just sex, but peoples opinions differentiate a lot on this subject. My advice is to stay true to who you are. You should try to think about why you hold your particular beliefs about sex and how important they are to you. Is holding off something you genuinely believe in for a reason or is it something you just picked up from your social background?
From the sound of it, the movie thing could be a bigger problem. Well, it doesn't really have to be. I used to believe that i didn't like to go to the cinema either, but my partner has since convinced me otherwise.
If you are feeling lonely and are looking to fill the time in-between boyfriends you can try to join some classes. Used to visit drawing classes and besides having a great time there, i also met many new friends. Didn't even like drawing at first. :biggrin:

[zeon]

hello,
It sounds with the multiple dates that his potentially wanting a boyfriend whos willing to undergo a open relationship... Is that something you could handle? Of course give the dates more attention and let them grow naturally... In order to make it last you both need 121 time and ME time... Too much can be a bad thing however too less can be a bad thing as well... Why not ask for a meet in the beginning for say mondays and wednesdays allowing the heart to grow fonder and then the next two months upgrade an extra day and after 14 months your be ready to go with the way things are ment to be with a great heart

Kindest regards

zeon x

[pellaz]

... date with this guy who is 9 years older than me.

~10 years is the workable number. Make a list of things you bring to the table and what he could do for a possible relationship.

... my 1st date, which was a different date then normal because I never talk about dating and etc before with others. Like I had a good time

look at your self and get a reason why you were able to talk to this person as apposed to others. BIG advantage in a relationship to be able to talk to your significant other. He might be a keeper if just for this.

... I rarely have any friends here either and even if I try to make friends people automatically think I want them to be my boyfriend.

get a girl friend and it will reduce the pressure when you do date someone.

... He wants to hangout and play video games at his place I just know sex MAY BE involved and I really do not want to ...

why did you ever imply to him you wanted to do this, even in a subliminal way. Text him you want to come up with an alternative. He will get to you in the end tho.

[Alwaysconfused]

@Eromir well I'm only afraid to have sex because I feel like if I do it too soon they would leave but my bff from far away told me that a man can leave you no matter what, it's not just sex (which is true husbands leaves wives after many years of being married) and if me and him become closer and etc I'll convince and make him watch movies and well I did had an interview for an internship at a advertising agency so hopefully I get it and that becomes my distraction and I'll find a class and make a new BFF.

@ZEON, no I do not think I can handle being in an open relationship, though I do not think that is what he wants. and I understand having time together and time apart, I actually approve of that, I do not want to see him everyday I would get sick of him lol

@Pellaz I never did imply to him about playing video games, that was all him. He enjoys playing video games and so do I. I'll do my best to find me a girlfriend! , and The reason why I was able to talk to him about other guys, or about relationships in general was because he brought it up. I wouldn't normally bring up conversation about relationships on the 1st date. That's why it felt different, and I guess the other guys I've dated were not that much older only buy 2 to 4 years compared to 9. So I'm guessing maturity from his side lol and I'll do the 1st thing you ask on my own or I'll send it to in a PVT message.

Sorry about responding late. Just got back from work :/

[TheDeac]

Me and my boyfriend had sex on the 2nd date and we've been together for almost 7 months now not saying you have to have sex just saying it wont always "doom" the whole thing sometimes agreeing to go slow means just the emotional part that's what we did