Love-sick?

[basilfrog]

I am a little confused about what I am feeling. I can't tell if I am feeling this way because I am in love or not. I have only felt like this about a guy once in my life before. Me and the first guy ended up being together for 5 years. I will say I was in love with him when we got together and they were a great 5 years. I have no regrets about that relationship.

I have gone out with a decent amount of guys so I don't feel I am inexperienced about dating. I didn't really feel that any of the others were right for me and I had no troubles walking away once I decided it wasn't what I was looking for. I met this new guy and I feel the same way I felt with my first boyfriend. He seems like what I want from a guy. I learned a lot about what makes me happy with my first boyfriend . . . which is why it didn't work out in the end. There are a lot of things I want in a partner and he seems to have almost all of them. Back when my first boyfriend and I started going out, I wasn't sure what was going on with life. I was not out to my family so I had a lot of confusing emotions going on. I just thought I had a lot of changes happening in my life and that was why things were so difficult. This time they all know I am gay and anyone who I care about knows that I am gay. However, I am still feeling the same way, not all of them good feelings. I will admit my life is also going through a lot of changes. I am moving and have to buy a car (was living with my ex for a while and still shared the cars). Losing my dog in the move. Losing the neighborhood friends I worked hard to find.

Some of the things I am feeling include.
-I am having trouble sleeping (up at 2am and can't go back to sleep).
-My appetite has decreased. I lost a decent amount of weight lately (15 lbs) without trying.
-I went three weeks without thinking about sex. It is finally back.
-I think about the new guy all the time.
-I want to text or call him all the time and have to restrain myself.
-When he is too busy to go out on a date, I get really upset and have to convince myself that he isn't through with me.
-The littlest problems really bring me down.
-Feeling really alone lately

I guess my question is am I just love-struck and is this normal? I am extremely confident that the choice to finally move on from my first boyfriend is the right choice. I don't plan on going back to him. We just are two different people at different stages of our lives (he's a bit older). I know that moving into a new relationship so quickly is a little unwise of me, but I can't help that one of the first guys I am meeting seems very promising. He's playing the hard to get game really well . . . or maybe he's just having fun with me. I can't tell.

Dating sure sucks!

[pellaz]

you have a lot of changes in your life. No wonder the mood swings.

Its going to be a while before you can think for yourself in a comfortable way. Dont break any hearts, be honest with whom you date. Maybe this new person can help you sort things. I would say take it slower than you expect.

ps:
dont compare him to your old X, at least verbally
buy a honda, a little more expensive tho
bad news about the dog

[LateBloomer]

I can totally relate.

I don't have the energy to get into it right now (and I apologize because my post is probably useless to you).

But yeah, lot's of changes in a short time frame can be very stressful.

In those times we need to keep things simple and prioritize what's most important.

[Sylph]

It sounds eerily similar to me and my situation (well along time ago anyway). I was with a guy before we even hit puberty, but even then, we were inseperable, always holding hands, him leading the way, me getting him out of trouble with guys he would want to fight () and so on. We were together since we were 4 & 5(He is a year older than me) right up until I turned 14. He experience puberty before me, and was more interested in sex and stuff, while I was kind of a late bloomer , and he also developed an interest in girls. I watched as he slowly broke away from me, and started to date girls and spent time with me less.

We used to; watch t.v, sleep over, get in trouble, climb stuff and catch little animals and he would stop me from falling(cause back then I was klutzy :3 ) and I would teach him new things. It then transitioned to me carrying his bag or "watching" his things when he went to go play basketball or something with the other boys, or take notes for him, cause he didn't want to come to class. He got into fights more often, because I wasn't around to tell him not to(he always had a quick temper) and wouldn't let me help him when he got hurt or to make him see reason. He stopped listening to me when I tried to help, but still clung to me, because we've been together since childhood and I guess I was his link back to how things used to be, and I was his comfort zone.

Eventually, his grades dropped to the point where he was held back and had to repeat a year, while I (already a year early in school) kept on going. I entered highschool without him and he was then a year below me, but I still went out of my way to see him, even when my mom told me not to, and even called the police after me, cause I left after 10:00pm. I was 13 going 14 at that point and he was going 15. We used to sneak out to one of the small ponds we have here and used to just hangout and stuff. Eventually, my schedule at school got very busy(plus with me doing music, I was surprised we even had a chance to hangout) and I couldn't see him any more. He made a spiral down hill and got into even more fights and didn't even finish middle school, and I felt guilty cause we were always each other's rock, even though we weren't as close as we orginally were. As long as one of us knew the other was there, we were okay.

He was sent to a correctional school abroad and I haven't seen him since. A mutual friend(who's da biggest Queen Eva!! ) told me about him, cause they still talk. He's now a Mechanic and is very much the type "thug" that gave me troubles in highschool. He and I would never be the same now, because we've grown apart.
~
I still love that dumb boy, but you have to learn how live by yourself and accept yourself, before you can be with someone else. Had we continued on, we probably would've fought frequently, as he is(and was to a lesser extent as a child) the typical black thug, while I am more of a feminine hippy who wants world peace.

Don't put your all into anything that you do, unless you are sure you can handle any out come that you don't want/can't handle.

Love sick is a state of mind that leads to sick love, and you don't want to be sick in love. Allow yourself to be able to love yourself, enough so that you can let someone else love you without you needing it/ feeling crippled without it.

If you can't be alone, you can't be with someone else. Two halves make a whole, so don't lose your half to love sickness, because then when you are in love, it won't really be whole :3.

Hope you feel better (I play music to help myself feel better :3)

HUGGZZZ

[indianajones]

@QueenOdi

Excellent post and i must appreciate your insightful thinking on the issue. I loved the part where you said 'If you can't be alone, you can't be with someone else'. I recently, relaised that i was getting more and more love-sick and ultimately, got into a relationship that had no future, sort of a compromise i must say. After that short relationship, i relaised, why and how i could do that. I want a partner but dont want to get desparate for the same. Thanks a lot for the wonderful post...

[Sylph]

thanks indiana jones. I'm glad for you and your welcome