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Dealing with negative partners
#11
Sil Wrote:I'm sorry but I find this rather assumptive and rude! what a spiteful, arrogant way to read into a situation
yeah, id have to concur. bow, i am disappoint. Sad
that being said he does make a valid point, albeit behind a rude wall of presumptuous text. i'm noticing a pattern.
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I suspect you will find (98% certain of this) that he is suffering from depression.
surely there was a more ...diplomatic way to arrive at this. and with less typing.
...and 98%? really? i mean, i saw a red flag too but i'd never be so arrogant as to assume anywhere near as much as you have.
but hey, it's the internet right? why bother being polite?Flamethrower

dfiant Wrote:deal with the cause...counselling would be like putting a bandaid on a broken finger

yeah, unless the cause is actually what bow mentions, clinical depression. don't just assume it's strictly environmental factors. what happens when he gets a job and the negativity persists? you would bite his head off for it i take it? i mean, that kinda stuff doesn't wash, right? i'm kinda disappointed in you too.

not that i expect that means much of anything to either of you. Rolleyes

we simply don't know enough about this couple to justify the level of certainty you guys are tossing around. don't you find it a tad bit irresponsible? this is someones life your commenting on. the tone in this thread is way off, in a lot of places. everybody is honing in on one sentence and drawing all sorts of weird conclusions from it, or flinging blame as if someone has to be at fault.

you've nothing to apologize for Sil -it's i that's sorry. i stand by my previous posts. i did have much higher hopes for your thread.
instead i'm reminded why it is i don't stick around boards very long.
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#12
YetAnother Wrote:yeah, unless the cause is actually what bow mentions, clinical depression. don't just assume it's strictly environmental factors. what happens when he gets a job and the negativity persists? you would bite his head off for it i take it? i mean, that kinda stuff doesn't wash, right? i'm kinda disappointed in you too.

I'm sorry Yet...I wasn't offering my advice to impress you, so I am kinda disappointed in your response.

What I offered was a theory based on my own personal experience when I was in a similar situation to Sil's partner.

The thought did cross my mind that it MAY be clinical depression, but Sil would be in the best position to judge that and I think Sil is far more intelligent that a couple of posters are giving him credit for and has already considered depression.

If the negativity persist after he has a job, then it will be dealt with from there, but from ACTUALLY reading what Sil said in his original post, the moods coincide with the loss of employment.

It isn't your place to come in here and criticise people on their advice, especially when you don't know what sort of friendship may have developed between Sil and myself. It's kinda presumptive and the same as what you are calling Bow out on Wink Have a nice day.
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#13
dfiant Wrote:It isn't your place to come in here and criticise people on their advice
i'm terribly sorry. it just felt like that's what you did to me when i suggested counseling and you equated that to a band-aid on a broken finger -pointless.
i don't think counseling is pointless. but hey, it's probably not my place to disagree either.
anyway, i shouldn't have taken it so personally. you were just being anecdotal with your buddy Sil and you obviously know more about whats going on than i do. L8R
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#14
Sil Wrote:I'm dating the same guy from 5 years, same place, same situation, more commitment -_-
5 years is a long time but if you can recall to back then write dwn now what attracted you to him. Specific feelings and issues then and now. People drift through life so note those that dont have any value anymore. With five years together there has to be lots of value he represents to you. Find all this so you can find the things you can RESPECT him for.

Sil Wrote:... When we are together he is lovely and very sweet. When we're apart he's an absolute nightmare ... he wants us to move in together and get a civil partnership ... I love him a lot -_-
COMMUNICATE to him if you guys wants to move in together:
-he has to fix some things. Give him some clear issues that need work before you can talk about taking the relationship further. I am sure you want to help.
-Professional help really works, Think small, lo cost up front. If this works; done, but if issues remain move to another professional. I bet it will be difficult to find a professional in your neighborhood that works for gay couples.
-Drug treatments do help, if there is lots of follow up.
-Live together for 1-2years and see how things go. Get the domestic partnership down the line.

Sil Wrote:We all have hard times and I am always there to support him ... but it's starting to have an affect on how I view the world and myself, ... I imagine the rest of my life like this and it really scares me, always having to accommodate these moods when I feel good or productive. I love him a lot -_-
Relationships must have TRUST. People travel through live and slowly change so both you and him will morph into something different, for good or bad. There are lots of fish in the sea, and easy solution to toss him to the curb. Before you take some one's advice here look to see if he is in a functional relationship. Lots of advice here from peeps who are singleRofl
-write down what are your deal breakers are. For example he must be there to support your bad times too. Are you sure you are not depressed too?
-Do you really want a relationship? They are lots of work. You have to know both of you will step up to the bar to make it work.
-Get past this rough spot, find another and fix that one too. What makes this person so special the next 10-15 years? Nothing! There is no sole mate rather its all the RESPECT, TRUST and LOVE you give him. COMMUNICATION is the fix all tool.

best of luck...
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#15
I totally agree on the moving in thing. Because your just so much closer to someone when you live together. And theirs the added bonus of large amounts of cuddling Wink:biggrin:
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