Can gay men be surprisingly fussy when choosing dates and partners?

[Tulloni]

I would like to pose the question mentioned in the title. That is 'are gay men fussy when it comes to potential lovers/mates/dates etc.

I don't want to upset anyone but I think they can be ridiculously fussy. I've noticed quite a lot of straight couples when a really good looking guy is happy to date an average looking girl, because they have some special connection and a lot in common in terms of personality, or at least they complement each other well.

However, I've found that some gay guys can be pretty selective when choosing people. Some will only prefer to go out with what they consider to be 'beautiful people'. Others refuse to go out with anyone they consider intellectually inferior. Par example, a friend of mind mentioned that a guy he was dating said that he (the guy) refuses to go out with anyone who does not keep up to date with current affairs and even once asked him (the friend) why he was reading a tabloid newspaper in a restaurant when really he should be reading a broadsheet paper.

Another guy I had an unpleasant encounter with once refused to consider going out or speaking to people he considers 'intellectually inferior'. I think he thought I wasn't as smart as he was, he certainly implied that, but he thought I was just about smart enough to be worth sleeping with. He was a total baka to use the anime term.

And then you get guys who refuse to date short people (when they're tall), or people who aren't as sporty or athletic as them. Well the list goes on really.

It's even worse when you meet some guy who you think seems really desperate for someone, and you think he's interested in you, only for you to meet him and realise that in fact he has ridiculously high expectations and sorry but you don't quite meet them!

It's infuriating and incomprehensible I just don't get men.

[Har19]

this..



.:-P

[marshlander]

Some people are easy to get on with. Others aren't. We don't all find the same qualities to our liking. I would assume that in most cases there has to be some interest in learning more about someone to be able to go out together, even if it's just one time? Isn't a second date slightly more significant?

Just rambling now

[Iceblink]

There are a lot of gay men that are too fussy and have a list of deal breakers that is often too long and filled with things that are too minor. It doesn't help that dating sites and apps have become the main way for gay men to meet. When you look at a person's profile, it's easy to dismiss a potentially good person because they've mentioned a couple minor things in their profile that doesn't appeal to you, that if you were meeting this person in real life, you might overlook based on the person's good qualities and other things you have in common.

[meninlove]

Well, if you google around you'll find these same kind of observations from straight women, and straight men. I think it's a human problem.
https://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/in...723AARURp8

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14387735.aspx

[ChadCoxRox]

I, for one, am more concerned for the variety who lack seemingly common sense capacity for discernment. Great googly moogly the characters brought through my door by my 20 year old!!!

[Edward]

When it comes to dating I'm quite picky as well and don't see anything bad about it.

[Bhp91126]

No fats
No Fems
No Asians
No Blacks
No Whites
Caucasians
Masculine
Very good looking
Non-scene
Laid back
Down to earth
ub2

all that pre-sorting only helps to limit your options finding that spark

[HumbleTangerine]

People have this tendency to be perplexed over couples where one part is perceived as much more beautiful than the other. When you evaluate the looks of the straight couples you mention and conclude that the attractive men are dating average-looking girls that's your PERSONAL judgement. Other people might find the girl to be more beautiful or them both to be more or less equal in the looks department. This subjectivity is why I don't like it when people bring up one part being physically superior to the other in a relationship. I wouldn't want strangers to ask themselves why someone thin like me would want to be in a relationship with a chubby boyfriend, or why some random model-like guy would want to date someone with crooked teeth like me.

Second of all, I don't think it's fussy to place "intellectual demands" on a potential partner, as long as they're reasonable. I want a boyfriend who is bright enough to discuss things beyond small talk and gossip; who knows what he's talking about and is politically aware. These things are important to me. I also wouldn't date someone who reads tabloid magazines. At least I don't think so, but I'm not 100% on the definition. If tabloid magazines are the same as gossip magazines (are they?), then I despise them way too much to be with someone who actively takes pleasure in invading the privacy of celebrities in the absence of anything interesting going on in his personal life.

I really don't think these things are unreasonable or fussy. I want a guy who satisfies my companionship needs, and that guy is not someone who cares more about gossip than what's going on in the world. Of course I understand that a lot of guys won't want to be with me, for all sorts of reasons, shallow and non-shallow and I'm fine with that.

Guys who are too picky might find themselves disadvantaged, but I would rather be too picky than someone who settles too easily. I just think about all those old couples that lost their spark decades ago or possibly never really had one, but stick together through the years anyways to escape loneliness. That's my nightmare scenario.

[CellarDweller]